I started an experiment at the beginning of this year where I wanted to listen to at least one book every month.
So far I’ve listened 3 books in 2021.When I started my audiobook adventure this January, I didn’t have any high expectations. But one day I discovered interesting audiobook called “You are a badass at making money”. Its a book about how our relationship with money can cause a lot of stress and affect our mental well being. In her bestseller “You are a badass at making money”, Jen Sincero suggests writing a letter to your money. Here’s mine.
Hey money, my old friend!
Hope you remember me? I mean, how wouldn’t you? I treated you in the worst way possible. You know what I am talking about, right? Not that you are human… You are just a piece of paper, but you have always been important to me.
I know I sound like a maniac, just like I was back in days when gambling was an addiction. I thought I was trying to win you over every time I entered the red area, famous as “the zone” in my old circle. Yet, amidst all the bets and deals, I didn’t realize I lost you in piles more than I earned you.
If I asked you how to stop, you’d probably force me to start gambling on whether I’d stop gambling…you untrustworthy SNEAK!
But now that you are gone, and taken my gambling habits away too, I feel empty.
I feel incomplete, and the regrets are crushing my soul.
No, no! I am not saying I was a Bad gambler, or I didn’t know how to win. To tell you the truth, I was the ‘tiger’ known to the world – a compulsive gambler. What I mean is, people (especially gamblers) begin with the thought of acquiring you. But then gradually, they start losing interest in you.
Instead, they become addicted to THE PROCESS that leads them to you.
However, I have realized your significance in this world, and soon they all will as well. Today, I am here to share my current condition and how much I need you. Just the way you need ME because let’s be honest here: without me, you’d be dusty piles of nothing!
Right now, I am all alone and empty (just like my wallet). I feel like there is a missing piece in my soul. I miss the sweet touch and feel of having bundles of notes. And my hands and fingers miss the sweet aroma of chemicals that you have.
I mean it! My hands smell like the food I never liked. I smell like a brussel sprout. Every time I go to the grocery store and a shopping mall, I look at all the stuff and buy the same-old vegetables. I am surviving on just water and noodles.
As much as I loved casinos because they were my only escape – I HATE them to the core now. Why? Because they remind me of you and all that I lost.
I avoid going to the malls now, mostly because I am penniless. And partially because of the slots that ate up my life.
Do you see what gambling has done to me!? Do you see how it threw me in the middle of the road like a homeless bum? I have nothing. I feel devastated and HELLA guilty for not giving you the importance you deserved.
I apologize for taking you for granted.
But gambling – it does that to us. In fact, all addicts feel the same. Gambling, or as I like to call it, the dementors, sucked out all my happiness and left me barren. You are the only Patronus charm. I know it!
Do you know what my friends said?
When I told my friends that I would be writing a letter to you, they laughed.
I mean, Darwin got laughed at for revolutionary thought, and I get laughed at for writing a letter to you. It’s equally disrespectful but not really surprising, you know.
You are going crazy! You are losing your plot. You need to relive the life that defines you. You need to get back to gambling! – they said.
First of all, gambling does NOT define me. I have passed an era of life wagering: losing too much and winning too little. Yes, I was reckless, but I have promised myself, and I am giving you a promise as well, I will never get back to that track ever again.
And I think no one in their right mind should!
It is strange, and I know what they must be thinking.
I used to play with the same people.
We went to the group therapy sessions together.
They were very close to me.
Dammit! They still are.
Even though we fought over small things, like when poker results didn’t go in our favor. Or when I’d win thrice in a row- you are a cheater, they would say. Well, deep down they knew, I was the champion.
Anyway, I don’t feel the adrenaline rush when walking down that memory lane anymore. I have given up on my addiction, and I am trying to discover new and healthy ways to live life. And no matter what option pops up in my mind, it ultimately leads me to the need of having you.
Besides, every time I think of getting back to gambling, I desperately look at my wallet… only to find fresh air blowing out of its pockets. Can’t gamble if you don’t have money…
What can you expect from me once you are back in my life?
My family often makes fun of me. They ask me to show them the money in my jar and say, “we’ll double the amount.” They are trying to gamble with a gambler. Luckily for them, doubling zero just gives zero.
Let’s be clear, I have a terrible equation with my family at the moment. My partners, parents, siblings, and friends all still look at me like an addict.
Their obnoxious behavior towards me is justified. I was into bad things – the things based on which I am judged. It is hard to regain the trust that they once had in me before I fall for this glittery charm. I know now and believe “All that glitters is not gold.” And it will take some time to rebuild a healthy relationship with them and with you.
I want to talk about you again – but in a healthy way this time, unlike before.
I want to look after my family with love, honesty, and care, unlike before.
Most importantly, I want to take care of my expenses, job, and academics in a healthy way. No matter how much work that would require, I am ready to face the challenges. And I want you to see my sufferings and reward me accordingly. But yes, fill my pockets and don’t abandon me like I did.
However, every night, I search for jobs that want gambling as a skill. Turns out Obsessive Gambling is NOT a high-paying skill.
Do you think that’s fair? I am filing a case for our rights! But wait, I need you for that.
Well, gambling had one positive impact on my life, and that is, it made me learn your importance in everyday life. As much as I curse myself for getting into betting in the first place, I would always be thankful to it for helping me to find my way out of it.
Now that I am done penning this down for you, I will go and pray to God to help me recover financially just the way He did when I was broken, mentally.
Let’s catch up soon.
Your friend & boss,
Share Your Story!
Gambling is not a foul play, and to some extent, it is socially acceptable. But gambling addiction is a whole different story. If you think you can manage it and leave it untreated, gambling addiction will get to you eventually. It affects your friends, family and even your relationships. When I got out of it, I promised myself to share the stories of addicts so that they may get help and never feel hopeless again.
Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story to get help in time.