Gambling Addictions

Tag: gambling recovery

  • What are the benefits of Group Therapy?

    What are the benefits of Group Therapy?

    According to research by the Scientific American, around 2 million Americans have a gambling addiction. Around 1 in 165 men will experience gambling addiction in their lifetimes compared to 1 in 500 women. An estimated 98% of action gamblers are men. The number of people addicted to gambling is quite significant, and this is an actual and serious condition. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) puts gambling addiction in the same category as substance abuse diagnoses.

    Group therapy is an effective way of overcoming gambling addiction. It may be hard enough for you to ask for help and talk to a single counsellor or therapist, let alone bare your soul to a group of strangers. You may think that you will not be given enough time to discuss your thoughts and ideas or worry about having to share personal information with strangers. The truth is quite the opposite, your group therapy culture can be like that of the wonderful feeling and trust between close friends.

     There are certain benefits to group therapy in overcoming gambling addiction.

    • Being in a group therapy environment means having several other people to support you and help you set and achieve goals toward your gambling addiction recovery. It assures you that you are not alone in this battle.
    • Another member of your group therapy might bring up a challenge with which they are dealing. You might have a similar problem, only you see the problem from your perspective. When looking at other people’s situations, you will be able to see your problem in a new light. Suddenly, something very challenging might have an easy solution.
    • Attending group therapy sessions is a great way to experiment with different helpful behaviors. You can learn new ways of thinking and relate in a safe environment before facing the real world. You will also quickly learn that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. Several people likely share your experience.
    • Working with a gambling addiction group is the most natural way to overcome your problem. We work with other people in our jobs and our families. Humans are programmed to learn and grow in the presence of peers. Why should therapy be any different?

    I am a recovering gambling addict myself. I was skeptical of group therapy at first. The idea of baring my soul in front of a room full of strangers terrified me. I would take any excuse not to go. Doing dishes and tidying the house suddenly seemed so much more interesting and appealing. But when I finally did muster up the courage it changed my life. 

    Group therapy really works. It worked for me at least. I was at a difficult point in my life when I decided to get help for my addiction. I was afraid of what was going to happen. Will I be able to overcome my addiction? What will it take? Will I be able to fully recover or will I relapse? These questions haunted me for a long time.

     In group therapy when I saw a room full of people battling the same demons as myself, it gave me hope and confidence. I was not alone, you are not alone. We don’t have to deal with this alone. We can overcome this addiction. Only the first step is hard. It took me quite a while to go but in hindsight, I should have gone sooner. Group therapy is a really helpful and effective way of overcoming gambling addiction. From my personal experience, it is the best way for gambling addiction recovery.

  • Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    You should be proud of yourself! I know that I am, because statistically only roughly 5 percent of people with gambling addiction are seeking treatment. Relapse is going to be a big part of our healing process. 

    I had one relapse, after being “clean” for a few weeks. I received an email from the betting website that offered me €20 bet. Why not, it’s a free money? Next thing I know, I lost €400, just when I was thinking I’m doing a good job with my recovery. It was very hard to accept that relapses are normal and that they don’t mean you are not on a right path of your compulsive gambling recovery.                                     

    Millions of people around the globe struggle with problem gambling. It starts with the one-time desire to try, but it doesn’t take long for a person to fall into its shackles. Once that happens, it starts off a life of destructive habits, financial distress, and mental health issues. Despite knowing the negative effects of gambling, people have an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity—just like smoking, drinking, or drug addiction.

    Once gambling addiction starts, the person who is unable to resist from betting continues to chase the “high” they get from a big win. That’s despite the string of continuous losses, cheating, lying, or even stealing money to keep gambling. In extreme cases, the addicted person tends to undergo a significant personality shift. While the person may hide his or her gambling addiction and engage in working and leading their everyday life, consequences tend to build up in the background.

    Most recovering gambling addicts tend to fall prey to the lures of gambling companies—be it financial rewards, free bets, football tickets and other perks. These are enough to draw a recovering person back to the addiction, no matter how much that costs them in terms of membership fees and losses. It happened with me to, I was constantly getting free bets from gambling companies.

    A relapse of gambling addiction is not a verdict of failure. One should know that relapses don’t occur because a treatment hasn’t failed, or because the person lacks willpower to quit the habit. Relapse, albeit being unpleasant, is an essential learning point for recovering gambling addicts. If addressed properly, it becomes a powerful experience for the recovery process. 

    Undesirable relapses of gambling addiction are common in the recovery process. Also, they can be overwhelming for both, the recovering addict, as well as their near and dear ones. However, one should not confuse a relapse with a slip. A slip is a single unplanned gambling incident; the person briefly engages in the activity, but instantly regrets the move and stops it immediately. On the other hand, a relapse is a return to gambling after not doing it for a long period. If you slip back into addiction, it’s a sign that it’s time to re-evaluate your goal to stop gambling and change your recovery strategy. 

    Dealing with my addiction and all that I have caused has been hard, especially after seeing how much I hurt my fiancé. I hurt her tremendously. Finding her in tears when she thought no one was watching her, made me feel devastated, suicidal at times. We went through a difficult period when she found out and we’re still struggling. Thoughts about how our life would be if I wasn’t a gambler are hunting me constantly. 

    Gambling addiction is a serious disease that will try to sneak up on us when we least expect. Just because you had a relapse doesn’t mean you have to or will keep on betting. Gambling relapse triggers will never entirely disappear. I’m trying to protect my recovery by recognizing the triggers and not falling for them. I decided to go for a run or a walk whenever I have an urge to bet. So far, I had one relapse and 50 km of running and walking.

    Because of COVID 19, there are no games I could bet on. Casinos are closed, so currently I don’t have an urge to bet, because there is nothing I could bet on. Let’s see if things will change when restrictions get lifted. However, if I do end up having relapses in the future, or if you do, then we will have to change our recovery strategy and talk honestly with our therapists/support group, cause only with the help of professionals we can beat this disease.

    Good luck mate, and let me know if I can help you anyhow!

  • Betting Companies Are Ruining Our Lives

    Betting Companies Are Ruining Our Lives

    Imagine this: you are sitting on the porch of your cottage on the Saturday morning. There is a  morning breeze and you can hear birds singing. Your wife is making pancakes in the kitchen and you can hear kids’ laughter while they are playing with the dog. After the breakfast, you start walking towards your boat, witch you prepared for fishing the previous evening. You know that your friends will come for sauna that evening and you feel so happy and accomplished  after working all week in the restaurant… 

    That was my dream and I was working very hard to make it come true. That dream was shattered after my gambling addiction. All what’s left is broken man, who just lost everything what was dear to him. 

    After getting myself into gambling debt, I started thinking how well the  betting companies are actually doing. I wanted to know everything about the gambling industry. I wanted to know where was my money going.

    The world’s first-ever online casino was launched in 1996. Quite recent, right? Today online gambling is one of the fastest growing sectors. It generates around billions in annual revenues and is growing rapidly. Nowadays we have thousands of online casinos.

    I can assure you that betting sites were loving me. I felt so special when one betting site made me a VIP customer. To reach VIP status, you need to be very active and gamble with large amounts of money on the available games. Because I was spending a lot of money, they give me in return free bets frequently. Getting better odds from them too was just icing on the cake. I even had a dedicated account manager sending me emails, asking if I’m happy with my faster banking and  higher betting limits. 

    Strange to think that before my addiction went out of hands, I was thinking my gym membership was expensive (it was €45). Now I was feeding my VIP membership with €4000 a month. What a change in my thinking. How did this happen? Betting companies must be doing well if they have more costumers like me. I needed to know how well betting companies actually are doing. After countless hours spent on research, I made some discoveries. 

    Just like alcohol, drugs or any other addictive substances people fall prey to. Gambling addiction is a real concern facing countries where all or at least some form of gambling is legalized. The multi-billion-dollar gambling industry provides casino gambling and sports betting formats, either in land-based settings or through mobile devices—something that’s engulfed a huge chunk of the world population in their shackles.

    While it’s quite a lucrative and interesting industry, which puts people’s luck to the test, there are inevitable ills that come with it. The gambling operators rely on hefty membership fees from people—from VIPs to the middle-class stratum of society—who wish to participate in various games of chance. Not to forget, online casinos and bookmakers are increasingly leveraging third-parties to extract people’s data that allows for wider promotions of gambling offers. 

    It’s true that traditional online gambling has become costlier than before, but operators are switching to other alternatives to keep consumers hooked. Data on people’s age, income, credit card information, and insurance are used to tailor advertisements and target people through emails. 

    Gambling companies reward gamblers in different ways. Gamblers are the ones who habitually land up losing whopping sums of money by falling prey to perks such as cash back on losing wagers, free bets, or even football tickets. These companies use “dynamic retargeting,” which allows them to winnow out people who have not gambled for some time and lure them into falling off the bandwagon. I was often receiving emails from betting companies, telling me they haven’t seen me for a few days and that they wanted to give me free bets. I accepted all of them straight away.

    Even if some people have put a self-restriction on gambling, these companies are able to potentially lure them back, thus lessening the power of industry schemes. If one is lucky, they can win a fortune. But if one isn’t, they land up losing all they have. Even when I admitted to myself, family and friends that I have a gambling problem, and that I lost €50 000, I was still convinced that I am a very successful gambler. I was constantly thinking how I won more than half of bets, without understanding that I have actually lost everything, even money that didn’t belong to me.

    The constant urge to try their luck puts people in a vicious loop that enslaves them to gambling companies. Yes, these companies are doing well, but at the cost of people’s hard-earned money, while also taking advantage of their addictive psychological patterns. An increasing trend is online casinos and sport betting games, witch due to lack of advertising restriction do not seem very harmful to young people. In my experience they are very much capable to ruin your life. I know that because it ruined my life. 

  • Part One: My Partner is a Gambler

    Part One: My Partner is a Gambler

    Written by my fiancé

    My fiancé agreed to write about how finding out about my addiction was for her. I think this is the only proper and honest way my readers can have the full picture on how a life of a family gets ruined by a gambling addiction. This is her side of our story, the first part:

    I remember texting my sister on the 17th of December 2019, telling her how happy I am for being with Uri, how life is amazing and how I cannot wait to go home to tell him that (which I did btw). I really enjoyed life we built together, how he made me feel every day and I honestly had no doubts if he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

    He started being broke in November, and I couldn’t understand why. The excuses he gave me were acceptable: unexpected bills for the car and wrongly calculated taxes. I believed him. However, I did find him being broke again in December, the second month in a row, strange and suspicious, but it was the very first time it was happening during these 4 years we’ve been together. Shit happens, I thought, and we’re here for each other “for better for worse, for richer for poorer”. I’ve been telling myself that this is something we need to learn to deal with together, and if I wanted rainbows, I had to put up with the rain, right? 

    We wanted and tried to extend our family for the last three years… unsuccessfully. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. After trying many other methods, we decided to try to have our baby with a help of IVF. It was scheduled on the 6th of February 2020. We had been on a waiting list for 6 months and I couldn’t wait to start with more promising process. 

    In January, as our IVF treatment was slowly approaching, I started to realize that Uri is so relaxed about not having money. It seemed like it would be the third month he was struggling to pay his share of the rent and I couldn’t understand nor accept it. I became very worried, cause we needed money more than ever for upcoming treatments and preparations for the baby. Uri didn’t seem to care. He started spending time watching Netflix, instead of looking for additional jobs. As an excuse for his behavior, he told me that he already has a full-time job and that he deserves to enjoy life too. 

    But how can he think that he should enjoy, if he is not finding a way to return money he borrowed for the last two rents and won’t be able to pay the next one either? How come he doesn’t have money? Why suddenly his salary is not enough for his expenses? When I would start the conversations about his financial situation and IVF, he would become so defensive and angry. It was impossible to talk to him. From loving, caring and kind man, he turned into someone I couldn’t recognize. For the first time ever, I started doubting if I should go to IVF treatment at all. 

    Finally, on the 3rd of February 2020, three days before I was supposed to start with IVF process, he texted me, while I was working, saying he will be struggling again with the bills. After me pushing and asking so many questions, he said he has a problem with the credit card – it went to minus €3800. I asked him out of the blue if he was betting. I have no idea why I asked him that, when there were no signs of him betting before. He said “sometimes”. I was shocked, my heart started beating so fast and my head started spinning. My fiancé, who I shared a life with for four years, who I had scheduled the IVF treatment with, is hiding something so big from me. What else is he hiding? What else I don’t know about him? Do I know him at all? 

    I barely could work that day. All I wanted was to cry. I remember I started crying the moment I left the office. Uri, I thought I knew, was gone. I am living with a liar and a gambler… Wtf.. How come I didn’t notice anything before? Did I do something wrong? Is this my fault? 

    That evening we spent talking. He explained the details and how his credit card was maxed out. My world collapsed. Nothing I believed in was true. 

    Is anything he is saying true? How serious is the gambling problem he has? It must be that he doesn’t love me. He wouldn’t do this if he loved me. Why is he with me then? Did he use my money for betting? Was he stealing from me? Omg.. what should I do? How can I go to IVF if I can’t trust him? Maybe €3800 he can return in a few months, but how will I trust him…

    At first I was extremely sad and in absolute disbelief. I was so sad that he was going through all of this all alone. How lonely he must have felt all these years. I failed as a partner, cause he didn’t trust me enough to share all sides of him. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t trust me enough to share his problems with me, when I was so supportive ad cared for him the best I could. 

    I remember kissing and hugging him so much that evening, as if I could kiss away all the problems and protect him somehow. He was saying that he was so surprised by my reactions, as so was I. He was expecting yelling and judgement, but to our surprise, that didn’t come at all.

    After he went to sleep I realized that I needed more answers which I couldn’t wait for. I woke him up and after asking more questions, her finally opened up and told me everything. 

    OMG.. he borrowed €40 000… Hearing the truth felt as if you opened up someone and saw a huge malignant cancer that you never thought would be there. It was so clear to me that this has to be the end of our relationship and that IVF has to be cancelled. I was overwhelmed with sadness because he struggled so much last 2 years with his sickness. If I only knew, maybe I would be able to help him. All I could think about were all the moments we won’t have: pregnancy, birth of our kids, playing with our puppy, summer vacations, all the laughter, hugs…I was absolutely sure he didn’t love me.

    I cancelled the IVF treatment and told him he has to move out in two weeks.

  • Becoming a Gambler

    Becoming a Gambler

    Did you know that Tesla and Dostoyevsky were also gambling addicts? Tesla lost his tuition money, had a nervous breakdown and dropped out of school. Dostoyevsky’s “Gambler” is semi-autobiographical.*
    Learning that such great minds had the same problem as me was somewhat comforting, it made me stop questioning my intelligence and made me realize it is a disease that I need to fight.

    Occasional bets on English Premiere league started 2017, when I would visit Casino with my friends. In the beginning, I would never spend more than €20 per month. I didn’t see this as a problem, because it was really just for fun. Everything changed when I discovered online Casinos 2018. 

    As I mentioned in the previous post, I am a huge football fan and I am following results religiously. All the websites, that I visit to check the latest scores, have flashy banners advertising betting with free money that you can use for the first bet. Those websites are flooded with odds for the upcoming matches everywhere. I noticed those banners, but have never really paid attention, nor I considered betting, as I saw them as scams. However, one day at work, I’ve heard a few colleagues talking about online betting and how they won. Knowing that the colleagues I respected are betting online, probably gave me subconsciously a green light to try my luck too. I had nothing to lose, I was thinking, because I started with a free bet from the flashy banner. I don’t even remember if I won. I just remember how convenient it was. I didn’t have to dress up, go to Casino nor talk to others – I could play from my own sofa. 

    Without me noticing, after 3 months, my bets got bigger. I was putting about €200 for a single bet. I started becoming addicted to the adrenalin rush I was having whenever I would place a bet. What I was doing was wrong, I knew, but I couldn’t stop anymore.

    Without the doubt, the worst supporter of the growing addiction was my credit card with a possibility of €4600 overdraft. I often wonder if I would mess up my life this much if I didn’t have a credit card. Would I find another way to become a problem gambler? Did the credit card speed up inevitable or none of this would happen if I didn’t have it?

    Using credit card was too easy. It didn’t feel like it was real money. Before I knew it, my credit card was maxed out. As interest was so big, I thought it’s better to take a loan from another bank, because of the smaller interest. The panic I felt, because of the minus, was gone. I felt great and I decided to quit gambling. However, after a week, I was back to my old habits.

    As my addiction was growing, so did the bets. I remember, once I was in the toilet watching a football match (around six months into online betting). Since I was soo sure about the result, I bet €1300. I lost. The panic started kicking in and I had to get my money back. I made another bet for €1000 euros right away. My heart was pounding and I was sweating like crazy while waiting for the results. I lost again. Coming out of the toilet was heartbreaking. I lost €2300 in 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe what happened. I lost my monthly salary and my credit card was getting empty again. 

    No one knew about my gambling addiction. No one knew I was taking loans. My fiancé and I never joined bank accounts, so there was no way for her to find out. Deep inside I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I was so sure big winnings were around the corner, that I could beat the system and that the next time luck will be on my side.

    In the next post, you can read how my addiction grew together with my dept.  

    *Resoruces: “Nikola Tesla, My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla”
    https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/from-the-gambler-within-dostoyevskys-the-gambler/D7ACB14B9EAD00EB8EF65512C28EADAA/core-reader

  • Neck Deep in Debt

    Neck Deep in Debt

    According to National Council on Problem Gambling the average gambler may have personal debts up to $90,000. I owe to banks €50 000, but their high interest rates and charges are likely to make the situation worse.

    Taking loans online is extremely easy, at least in Finland. If you provided the bank with a pay slip, it takes ca.10 minutes to get one. I was still working as a head chef full time, so at least I had my pay slips. In two years of active gambling, I took seven bank loans. The interest rates were high, but that was the only quick solution I could think of to pay my credit card and bills. Instead of stopping once the bills were paid, I would spend remaining money on gambling. It was a vicious circle and I got hooked. I could’t and didn’t know how to stop.

    The tension I felt every day was horrible. I was constantly thinking and calculating which loan to repay first. Since I was panicking so much and wanted to get my money back, I started making bets in every possible sport I could think of, even some tennis and rugby games I never watched before. I was making bets for all the leagues from Australia, Japan, Brazil… You name it, I was betting all of them. I even placed a bet for Eurovision song contest. 

    Worst of all, I completely lost the value for money. A bit over a year into betting, it took me one week to spend the loan of €4000, but later I was spending €3000 a day. I was constantly jumping from one betting site to another, checking who will give me better odds. On the rare occasions, when I didn’t have anything to bet on, I felt empty and bored.

    The greater the embarrassment and guilt because of betting were, the stronger defense mechanisms I developed. What an amazing liar I became. In a split second I could come up with a lie. My fiancé started noticing my mood changes and depression. She asked me countless times why I am getting angry so easily and why I am checking my phone constantly. I gave her lousy excuses that she didn’t believe in. She actually taught it was my way of escaping the disappointment we both felt because we couldn’t get pregnant for a few years. 

    The last summer, my fiancé went to visit her family without me, for two weeks. I thought I would feel free, because she wasn’t at home and I would have more time to gamble. Instead, I felt trapped and became so depressed, that I couldn’t get out of bed. I had no idea how to return the debt. Those two weeks were the loneliest in my life.

    At some point I remember calling her admitting I couldn’t get out of bed, without disclosing the real reason. I never had a courage to tell her the truth, because of the great fear of being judged and dumped. I was sure I’m strong enough to get through this by myself. 

    She was so worried that she convinced me to see a psychologist. I agreed, because the doctor was provided for free through the health insurance from my work. The doctor was an older man that asked me if I was still betting. I told him I stopped. The same evening I lost €700. I never visited him again, but the positive outcome of that meeting was the explanation I got about Finnish financial support systems that I will talk more about in one of the next posts.

    Not just that I became a liar, but I started hiding everything around our house that could make my fiancé suspicious. For example, I was rushing home every day, so that she wouldn’t see our mail and all the bills I was getting from seven different banks. 

    Finally, I spent all the loans, while bills were piling up. I couldn’t pay my share of the rent and I had no idea what to do. I tried to take more loans countless times, but all the banks rejected me, since I didn’t repay previous loans. I started asking at work if I could get my salary in advance, thinking that I can double it with the next bet. If I had some real estate, I would have sold it.

    The first time I couldn’t pay the rent, my fiancé realized something went terribly wrong. She started asking me questions and wanted to see my bank statement. I managed to come up with lies that calmed her down. I even showed her fake bank account statement. She believed me and it made me feel so much worse, because she didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t want to lose her by telling her the truth, and I was worried our days together are numbered. That month, she payed our common bills.

    Even at times when I didn’t have money to pay the bills, I couldn’t stop thinking about gambling. When I would get a salary, I would spend it online, hoping that the next win is around the corner. I was still sure I can beat the system and win all my money back.

    The next month was the same – I couldn’t pay my share of the rent. However, this time my fiancé  was absolutely sure I was hiding something, so she started pressuring me to reveal the truth. Finally, she pushed me so much and I told her everything.

    Solutions Available for Gambling Debts


    In the next post you can read about how my fiancé reacted and how nothing was as I anticipated.

    3  ways to getout of gambling debt.


    Disclaimer:
    I’m writing this from my own experience. I’m not a doctor or financial advisor. All the advices I will write are the ones I wish I got before it was too late. 


    Don’t use credit cards!

    I truly hope that many countries will follow UK’s example. As of 14th of April 2020, they put a ban on credit card usage for online gambling.

    Tell someone about your problem!

    What we have is a serious illness that is impacting not only our lives in ever possible way, but also lives of our loved ones. The sooner you tell them, the sooner everyone will be able to move forward and make the best decisions for themselves.

    Seek financial assistance!

    I contacted free debt counseling service providers to discuss my situation. With their help, I learned about the best solutions to move forward.

    Don’t be hard on yourself! It’s not about what we lost, it’s all about the next right move. We can do this and we can all beat this addiction that is ruining our lives!

    Advice for families and friends

    If you are suspicious and think your loved one has financial problems, he or she most likely has. If you notice change in the behavior, don’t assume what the reasons are, but ask questions instead. Ask until you know the truth. 

    If you find out that your loved one is a compulsive gambler, it will probably completely change the perception of your past, present and future. All the plans you had might vanish. You will loose trust. However, please always remember one thing:

    He or she is a gambler, but s/he is still the same person you love dearly, with all the same fears, hopes and qualities. You got to know another side that you didn’t know existed and that side will need your help. S/he is equally lost and scared as you are.

    Gambling addiction is a curable disease that only with a help of professionals can be overcome. It is not your responsibility to cure them, but the most important thing you can do is to guide your dear person and help her or him to see the advantages of the therapy and psychologists.

    Take just one step at a time and don’t forget to take very good care of yourself.