Gambling Addictions

Tag: Problem gambling

  • New Dad’s Dilemma: Should I Stop Gambling

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    Being a new father is a joyous and life-changing experience. As I held my newborn in my arms for the first time, I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility and desire to be the best parent possible. However, lurking in the back of my mind was a lingering question – should I stop gambling?

    This blog post will explore various aspects of the situation, incorporating both conservative creativity and originality, as I delve into the impact of gambling on my new role as a father.

    To begin, it is crucial to grasp the nature of gambling itself. Gambling is a leisure activity that has the potential to become addictive. It offers excitement, the thrill of uncertainty, and the prospect of substantial financial gain. Yet, with that thrill comes a steep cost – monetary losses, strained relationships, and deteriorating mental health. For a new father, these negative consequences can pose serious threats to the well-being of the family.

    Financial Stability:

    One significant aspect to consider is financial stability. As a new father, I must prioritize the financial security of my family. Gambling, by its very nature, is a risky endeavor and can lead to substantial losses. Every dollar spent on gambling represents money taken away from providing for my child’s future, whether it be for education, healthcare, or even just a comfortable home. It is evident that gambling and responsible parenthood are not compatible, emphasizing the need to curb this costly habit.

    Time Management:

    Another aspect that warrants consideration is time management. As a new father, my time and attention are invaluable resources for my child. Gambling can consume hours upon hours, distracting me from my parental responsibilities. Time spent in casinos or online gambling platforms could be better utilized in nurturing my daughter’s development, creating cherished memories, and being present during her crucial early years. To be an effective parent and give my child the love and support she deserves, balancing time commitments is essential.

    Role Modeling:

    Children learn by observing their parents’behaviors and imitate what they see. This brings us to the critical aspect of being a positive role model for my daughter. If I continue gambling, I run the risk of normalizing this potentially destructive habit in her eyes. She may grow up with skewed perspectives on the value of money, prone to financial and emotional turmoil. By abstaining from gambling, I can show her the importance of responsible decision making, self-control, and prudence when it comes to personal finances.

    Emotional Well-being:

    A new father’s emotional well-being directly impacts his child’s upbringing. Gambling can evoke a rollercoaster of emotions, including excitement, disappointment, frustration, and even desperation. These feelings can be difficult to contain, leading to stress and consequently affecting my ability to provide stability and emotional support for my child. Withdrawing from the world of gambling can help me create a healthier emotional environment and strengthen my bond with my daughter.

    Seeking Professional Help:

    Recognizing the addictive potential of gambling, I contemplate seeking professional help to overcome this habit. This displays a proactive approach in addressing any underlying issues while simultaneously aiding in preserving financial security, time management, role modeling, and emotional balance. Seeking therapy can enhance my self-awareness and equip me with the necessary tools to face this challenge head-on.

    Becoming a new father has presented me with the ultimate dilemma – whether to continue gambling. By considering various aspects such as financial stability, time management, role modeling, emotional well-being, and seeking professional help, I have come to the conclusion that stopping gambling is the best course of action for both myself and my daughter. The decision may require sacrifices and significant effort, but the rewards of being a present, responsible, and nurturing father far outweigh any fleeting thrill that gambling may offer. As I embark on this new chapter of fatherhood, I commit myself wholeheartedly to creating a loving and secure environment for my precious child.

  • The Path to Redemption: How I Regained Control of My Gambling Habits

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    Gambling, with all its enticement and thrill, can easily become a slippery slope. In the beginning, it was a harmless pastime—a way to escape the monotony of life and seek a fleeting sense of excitement. However, as the allure of fast money gripped me, I found myself trapped in its clutches, losing not just my hard-earned savings but also my self-control.

    This is the tale of my journey, my struggle, and ultimately, my redemption, as I regained control of my gambling habits.

    Like many others, I succumbed to the dazzling world of gambling through an innocent visit to a local casino. The atmosphere, the twinkling lights, and the sound of slot machines beckoned me to try my luck. In those early days, my bets were modest, serving as mere entertainment. However, the addictive nature of gambling soon gripped me tight, captivating my senses with its promises of untold wealth.

    Soon, gambling went from being a harmless escape to an all-consuming habit. The casinos became my second home, and my life seemed to revolve around the spin of a wheel or the flip of a card. I started gambling recklessly, betting larger sums in a desperate attempt to recoup my losses. And as the hole I found myself in grew deeper, I began to realize that I had lost control of both my finances and my life.

    Rock bottom arrived unceremoniously one bleak morning when I awoke to an empty bank account and a stack of unpaid bills. It was at this moment that I realized the true extent of my gambling problem. The desperation and defeat that engulfed me could no longer be ignored. It was time to take control of my life and face my addiction head-on.

    Recognizing the need for professional help, I sought out support groups and counseling services specialized in addressing gambling addictions. The camaraderie and collective understanding I found within these groups were instrumental in my recovery. Sharing stories, strategies, and personal triumphs with individuals who had faced similar battles, instilled within me a newfound hope and determination.

    Understanding the triggers that led me to gamble was pivotal. I discovered that boredom, stress, and feelings of inadequacy served as catalysts for my addictive behavior. Armed with this knowledge, I began to develop healthier coping mechanisms. Engaging in physical activities, pursuing creative hobbies, and cultivating new friendships became my outlets for release, effectively diverting my attention from the previously all-consuming allure of gambling.

    One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was relinquishing control. I accepted that I couldn’t gamble responsibly, and thus, had to eliminate all opportunities for temptation. This meant avoiding places associated with gambling, cutting ties with acquaintances who shared the addiction, and installing internet-blocking software on all my devices. By making these difficult decisions, I was taking charge of my recovery and reclaiming my life.

    Without the thrill of gambling, I realized I had a void to fill. To redirect my energy, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, exploring new interests and envisioning a future devoid of the shackles of addiction. Volunteering at local charities, attending self-development workshops, and pursuing educational endeavors not only provided me with purpose but also served as a reminder of how far I had come from the depths of despair.

    The road to regaining control over one’s gambling habits is far from easy, but through perseverance, self-reflection, and seeking supportive networks, I was able to redeem myself. It is a journey that continues every day, reminding me of the importance of maintaining vigilance and nurturing a healthier mindset. My story serves as a testament to the power of self-transformation, emphasizing the ability to regain control and live a fulfilling life, free from the grip of addiction.

    Gambling ruined 4 years of my life.  However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help. 

  • BetGuard: A Revolutionary Gambling Blocker App Transforming Lives

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    In a rapidly evolving digital age, where technology has become an integral part of our lives, addictive behaviors such as gambling have found a new platform to thrive. Recognizing the need for a powerful tool to combat problem gambling and provide individuals with much-needed support, a visionary team of software developers and psychologists came together to create BetGuard, the best gambling blocker app available today. This blog post explores BetGuard’s astonishing capabilities and how it has revolutionized the fight against gambling addiction.

    As the curtains were drawn to unveil BetGuard, the audience’s anticipation built up. The app, known for its exceptional user interface and visionary features, was a result of years of meticulous research and development by a team committed to making a tangible difference in society. BetGuard boasted a cutting-edge real-time monitoring system that operated across multiple platforms, blocking access to gambling websites and apps within seconds. This unique approach offered users a powerful deterrent against impulsive gambling tendencies. BetGuard’s most exceptional feature was undoubtedly the artificial intelligence (AI) integration. Through continuous learning and analysis of user patterns and behavior, BetGuard could swiftly identify potential relapse indicators and intervene effectively. The AI-driven algorithms in the app not only blocked problematic content but also alerted designated support networks, such as friends, family, or therapists, assisting in the recovery process. The visionary engineers behind BetGuard aimed to create a holistic solution that prioritized both prevention and support.

    Awareness campaigns played a crucial role in encouraging the use of BetGuard. Using visionary marketing strategies, the team behind the app collaborated with renowned psychologists and addiction experts to emphasize the importance of seeking help and utilizing innovative resources like BetGuard. Webinars, seminars, and a series of TED talks were organized to educate the public about the adverse effects of problem gambling and present BetGuard as a vital ally in combating addiction. The response was overwhelming, with thousands of individuals downloading the app.

    Understanding the importance of making the recovery journey engaging and interactive, BetGuard introduced gamification elements. Users could earn rewards and progress through levels by following a personalized recovery plan, attending therapy sessions, and achieving milestones. These elements fostered a sense of accomplishment and motivation, transforming the path to recovery into an exciting adventure. The visionary thinking behind this approach aimed to shift the perspective on recovery from being a burden to an empowering experience.

    BetGuard’s visionary team recognized the need for collaboration to maximize the app’s impact. They forged partnerships with major gambling operators, ensuring BetGuard’s integration with their platforms. This collaboration not only limited access to gambling sites but also created a seamless user experience when transitioning from high-risk environments to safer digital environments. By uniting professionals from diverse backgrounds, BetGuard had effectively built a comprehensive support system for those seeking recovery.

    As the news of BetGuard spread worldwide, its visionary approach garnered international recognition. Governments, organizations, and institutions began reaching out to secure partnerships and support the adoption of BetGuard as a mandatory tool for gambling operators. This global impact demonstrated a significant shift in societal attitudes towards problem gambling and reinforced the importance of comprehensive addiction prevention measures.

    The real measure of BetGuard’s success lay in the countless lives transformed by the app. Users worldwide praised its visionary features, expressing gratitude for the newfound self-control and regaining of their lives. Stories flooded social media platforms, illustrating the remarkable impact BetGuard had in instilling hope and strength in those burdened by addiction.

    BetGuard, the best gambling blocker app to date, has shattered conventional expectations with its visionary approach and integration of cutting-edge technologies. From its extraordinary real-time monitoring system to the revolutionary AI integration, BetGuard has proven to be a game-changer in combating problem gambling. With its gamification elements, collaborative partnerships, and tremendous global reach, the visionary team behind BetGuard has created a tool that offers new hope to individuals battling addiction, empowering them to regain control of their lives and write a brighter future.

  • Taking a Gamble: A Battle Against Gambling Companies

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    In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, gambling has become an alluring pastime for millions of individuals seeking excitement, entertainment, and even fortunes.

    However, it is essential to acknowledge the darker side of this industry, which has left many individuals and families entangled in financial ruin and emotional distress. As a strong believer in personal responsibility, I find it troubling to witness how gambling companies exploit vulnerable individuals.

    I have made the decision to sue these companies to shed light on their unethical practices and hold them accountable.

    Growing up in a conservative household, I was taught to value hard work and prudence when it came to financial matters. However, like many others, the allure of easy money at my fingertips caught my attention. Intrigued by the promises of high stakes, I made my first foray into online gambling, hoping to strike it rich. Little did I know that this first step would catapult me into a world of addiction and despair.

    As I delved deeper into online gambling, the euphoria of winning fueled my desire for more, lulling me into a false sense of control. However, the elusive nature of success soon revealed itself. Every financial gain was swiftly overshadowed by even greater losses. The initial thrill soon morphed into an uncontrollable urge to recoup my losses, and I found myself trapped in a cycle of despair, unable to break free.

    Discovering Disturbing Tactics:

    As I navigated the treacherous waters of online gambling, I began noticing the subtle tactics employed by these companies to keep participants hooked. The use of state-of-the-art algorithms and game design aimed to manipulate psychological vulnerabilities, ensuring that players would keep coming back for more. These companies preyed on individuals’weaknesses and financial hardships, amplifying their profits while leaving countless lives shattered.

    The Breaking Point:

    It was on a cold winter evening when reality finally came crashing down. I found myself drowning in a sea of debt, not only risking my own future but also jeopardizing the well-being of my loved ones. The sleepless nights and the look of despair on their faces pushed me to the edge and gave me a newfound determination to fight back.

    Seeking Justice:

    With a renewed sense of purpose, I embarked on the challenging journey of suing gambling companies. Armed with resilience and a conservative approach to creativity, I gathered a team of like-minded individuals, connecting with lawyers who shared my belief in this cause. The goal of our lawsuit was not merely to seek personal retribution but to shed light on the unethical practices employed by the gambling industry.

    Legal Battle:

    The legal battle against gambling companies proved to be no small task. We navigated through intricate legal procedures, ensuring that our case was grounded in concrete evidence of their manipulation and exploitation. Expert testimony from psychologists and professionals delving into the darker side of gambling provided us with a solid foundation on which to build our claims.

    Public Awareness:

    As our case gained traction, media outlets began covering our story, giving voice to the countless individuals who had fallen victim to the gambling industry’s deceptive tactics. Public sentiment shifted, and calls for stricter regulations and greater accountability grew louder. Conservative communities across the nation rallied behind our cause, recognizing the urgent need for change.

    The Verdict:

    After months of arduous legal battles, the day of the verdict finally arrived. With bated breath, we awaited the judge’s ruling. To our delight, justice prevailed. The gambling companies were found guilty of exploiting vulnerable individuals, and a substantial settlement was awarded to those affected. Our victory not only provided financial compensation but also marked a significant turning point in the fight against the gambling industry.

    Conclusion:

    Suing gambling companies was a journey marked by personal growth, determination, and a steadfast commitment to justice. We were able to challenge the status quo and expose the exploitative nature of this industry, which thrives on the misfortune of others. While this fight may have ended, the battle to protect individuals from the clutches of gambling companies continues. By raising awareness, fostering dialogue, and pushing for stricter regulations, we can create a society that values responsible gambling practices and safeguards the well-being of its citizens.

  • Problem Gambling, Youth and the Internet

    Problem Gambling, Youth and the Internet

    Gambling has become popular recreational activity and constantly growing at an unprecedented rate over the last few years. Everybody has their reasons to gamble. Most people gamble to win money, to socialize, for excitement, or to pass time. 

    There are many different ways to gamble which include lottery tickets, casino games, betting on horse racing, sports betting, slot machines, internet gambling, bingo, and many others.

    For some people, gambling has serious effects and creates problems in their lives. Now, as there are more options available to access gambling, the number of people affected by gambling problems is also increasing.

    Gambling addiction is a progressive addiction that can have many harmful psychological, physical, and social consequences. The negative effects of gambling are not just about losing money, it can seriously affect relationships, physical and mental health, financial situation, self-esteem, work performance, and social life as well. 

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    What Is Problem Gambling?

    Problem gambling is about behavior that is creating troubles in your life or the life of people closely associated with you like parents, siblings, and friends. If your gambling addiction is causing you to miss your school or work, making you worried about the money you have lost or you are having arguments with your family or friends, in such situations gambling is a problem for you.

    The Effect of Gambling on Youth

    Widespread gambling opportunities and their amplified promotion have preoccupied numerous young players around the world. The impelling cause behind these inclinations is online technology and almost universal access to the internet. It has made gambling more welcoming and offers an on-demand and virtual experience.

    Gambling and gambling-like activities or experiences are so widespread that young people consider them part of everyday life. With the acceptance and spread of gambling in society, gambling advertisements have become gradually prominent. Gambling ads send the message that gambling is fun, exciting, and a quick and easy way to get rich. Particularly youth seems to be more vulnerable to the effects of advertising. 

    Teenagers think of gambling as a social activity as online gambling activities use chat and messaging features to encourage playing with friends. It is designed in a way to attract more players as they win a lot in practice mode. Players might believe that this winning streak will keep going even when they play with real money. 

    Spotting Teenage Gambling Problems

    It is not easy to tell when children have gambling problems but if you are concerned that your teen is gambling, be alert for:

    Money Problems

    Unexpected changes about the money your child has, or your child often short of money, or your child borrowing or taking money from friends or family.

    Physical Changes

    changes in sleep patterns, being tired or run down, low energy levels, mood changes, eating less, problems focusing on or remembering things.

    School Problems

    Not showing interest in school activities, falling grades, and attendance or behavioral issues at school.

    Problems in Relationships

    Not participating in social activities, events, and problems in relationships with family and friends.

    Emotional & Behavioral Issues

    If children have often mood swings, depression, anxiety, short-tempered, easily annoyed, simply stressed, started consuming alcohol or using drugs. 

    Positive Attitude Towards Gambling

    Shows interest in internet gambling sites, obsessed with video arcades, eager to know about sports results or TV poker.

    If someone near you or in your family is showing such behavior, it is important not to ignore such symptoms. Learn more how to protect your loved one from gambling problems. 

    Online Gambling Risks

    As mentioned above, a gambler has easy access to an online gambling site and he can play gambling at any time. It is tough for others to notice that the person is gambling online regularly while on the other hand, it is easy to get noticed if someone is frequently visiting the casino.

    Due to easy access to online gambling sites, it is more addictive than traditional gambling. A habitual gambler has more chances to cut back on gambling by avoiding the casino. However, it is more difficult for the online gambler to avoid as he has easy access to online gambling sites.

    It is always easy to gamble without getting noticed as the internet is also used for other tasks at work, communication with friends and family, or using social media. In today’s world, it’s really difficult to avoid a smartphone or computer. So it is really difficult for a person to avoid online gambling as compared to traditional casinos.

    Nowadays it is easy to access bank accounts online and transfer payments to any account. Users can easily transfer from their bank account to an online gambling site.

    Another risk associated with online gambling is that in many countries gambling is not allowed by law while the countries which allow it are not even well-regulated. It is difficult to know about the actual owner of the gambling business and there are many cases where the gambler is cheated out of money either in betting or in winning. 

    Preventing Teenage Gambling Problems

    Gambling casinos have their traditional style but digital gambling has significantly changed the overall scenario of gambling. It is now available in multiple forms, often hidden from the public and not always considered as gambling.

    It is important to educate young people about the risks of gambling and protect the vulnerable from gambling-related harms. To discourage the young generation from online gambling, it is crucial to use a multi-level approach to educate them and to create awareness about the problems related to gambling.

    At schools, seminars should be conducted to create awareness and to educate them about the risks and harm of online gambling. Children should be taught about the danger of losing and building up significant debts because of childhood gambling problems. This is one of the most important steps to educate them and stop participating in such online activities. 

    Schools should arrange beneficial plays for students to learn morals; the plays may be related to the harm and effects of gambling to discourage this habit of youth.

    Explain How Gambling Works

    Children in school are generally ready to learn about gambling. It will be helpful if we explain them the odds of winning in a way that your child can easily understand. You can explain them that these online gambling companies are operated in a way that they always make more money than they payout to you. There are always more chances of losing as compared to winning. 

    Encourage Extracurricular Activities

    To overcome educational, social, or mental health problems, youngsters might be able to head off unhealthy activities like gambling. For some having a tough time at home or school, gambling can be a fun but unhelpful way to cope with stress or other similar problems.

    It is important to engage them at school with other extracurricular activities and encourage them to take participate to reduce stress. Arts, music and sports are good examples to keep them busy and help them to feel good and have fun.

    Positive Family Attitude

    Parents are the key persons to influence the kids. A family’s attitude towards gambling can affect the child’s behavior and is one of the major reasons for his inclination towards gambling. The less your child is exposed to gambling, the less likely he is to develop a problem.  

    If a person in the family gambles regularly, children might see gambling as normal behavior and most kids like to copy their elders or what they see their parents are doing. Parents who gamble regularly like playing poker machines, betting on sports or races send messages to their children about gambling being a normal way to have fun or make money.

    Always try to avoid such activities in their presence and educate them about the negative impacts of gambling. Always encourage family bonding and spend healthy time with your kids to keep them engage with positive energy.

    Track Credit Cards Payments

    Keep track of the use of credit cards for online activities. Always ask and discuss if you find any shaky transactions on the credit cards. It can help your child understand and accept family rules. If you find such credit card activity, set limits on credit cards to reduce the usage of credit cards in games or gambling.

    Discuss and Introduce Internet Usage Rules 

    You could talk with your child about video games with gambling themes and content and why you’d prefer he didn’t play them. Discuss them with logic and help them to get out of this. Introduce some internet usage rules in the house, it will also help to limit his access to online gambling activities.

    Anyone who is directly involved with young people can build awareness and support a healthier lifestyle by addressing gambling-related harms. Similarly, education and prevention initiatives that help in decision-making and critical thinking skills can play a key role in developing the ability to make informed choices about gambling.

    Gambling ruined my life, and I was not the only one to suffer. There are hundreds of such people out there who have gone through the same trouble. My mission is to help them share their story so that they may get help in time. 

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story of recovery and be the motivation for thousands who fell prey to this addiction.

  • WHY I CAN’T STOP LYING

    WHY I CAN’T STOP LYING

    “I am not upset that you lied to me; I am upset that from now on I can never believe you”-

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    After being more than 2 years free from gambling activities, I noticed that I still have a huge problem with lying to my partner. It became a habit and somehow I can’t stop lying to my partner. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie.

    This advice helped me to think that did I achieve anything worthwhile by lying or cheating. I started thinking that what I am hiding from her? Why I am so insecure? Why my self-respect is at rock bottom? Why I am addicted to lying? Sooner I realized that lying is like a slippery dangerous slope with nothing good at the bottom but misery and empty life.

    We all lie in different situations in our lives. We all have our reasons for lying, it may be to escape punishment in our childhood. When we grow up, we lie to get attention or sympathies and some even create stories to set friends against each other or get others in trouble. It is an expression of being afraid, what others will think, afraid of facing the reality. We want to show people that we are better than others and reflect the weakness of our character. This could be the result of low self-esteem, fear of rejection, desire to please, or any other nuanced reasons. A liar justifies or makes stories to cover up something he has done wrong. To cover the first lie, another lie is required and this leads to an endless chain of lies. I had no idea about my case, why I was manipulating different situations to lie with my partner. Sooner I realized that I am a habitual liar, I tried to discover the root of my behavior, why I am doing and what I am avoiding. I thought that if I want to spend the rest of my life with my partner, I must avoid this habit of lying to restore the level of trust in our relationship. 

    If you are constantly lying to your dear ones and you are not able to do anything about it, then you don’t want to change. You cannot change what has developed in you for years. If someone matters to you in your life then you have to be truthful or else you will end up losing not only that person but your importance, your respect and the likeness you were trying to create will go away in a moment and will never come back. All the lies which are still covered can come crashing down on your head at any time. You will live in constant fear of the truth being discovered and expose you which creates a bad effect on your nerves. Stop living in dream world with a fake identity. Get out of your unreal world and start living in present rather than the past or future.

    A person who often tells fibs will never have trustworthy friends and will not be loved by anyone. Life is not only judged by a rich lifestyle, fluent language ability, or branded clothes. It is measured by the number of faces who simile when they hear your name. Analyze your life and try to find how it has impacted your life and others around you. Somewhere or somehow it has broken a lot of innocent hearts or brought tears to the eyes of your loved ones. Do you think you feel happy about it?

    How To Stop Lying?

    Start thinking, why you want to quit lying, think about the bad things associated with being a liar. I am not an expert by any means but you must ask yourself why you are lying? Why are you not comfortable with the truth? Learn to appreciate things you have in life and be satisfied with your family, friends, and your surroundings. But what makes sense to me is that instead of trying “not to lie anymore” which is difficult to achieve in one day, try to focus on making little but sturdy progress. Think to yourself why you’re lying? Why are you not comfortable with the truth? Is it because you are not confident? Or on the other hand you fear reality?

    You can’t change the past, the past is immutable. But as long as you understand that the time of yore was something that you’ve learned, and then it won’t haunt you as much.

    Few imperative things to consider while struggling to come out of this habit:

    • Never give up! People have thrived in breaking the nastiest & most addictive habits, you can do the same!
    • Change is going on in little- often not noticeable steps. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t observe changes immediately, YOU ARE CHANGING!
    • There will be setbacks. There is no way to accomplish a goal without failing on the way. Remember: failing doesn’t mean to stop struggling and starting all over again; you rewired your brain by fighting your habit & it will become easier & easier until it will go away!

    Like other habits, you don’t want to fix the awful habit, you want to reinstate with a good habit. That good habit is the truth. Truth is freedom, truth is real, not fake. Don’t let the old practice of lies keep telling you the big lie – that lying is OK and won’t harm you. Every lie is like a bullet hit in the heart of your honor. It’s one more rope around your neck that can choke you and pull you down a road of despair. Embrace truth with all its consequences, and never look back.

    People are faulty, people misspeak, and people need to correct themselves all the time. There is a higher probability that your family and friends will much more easily forgive and forget a lie that is corrected seconds after it’s spoken than one that is left to stand. 

     If someone asks you a question and you don’t want to tell them the truth, just refuse to answer. This may not be the best solution in all situations, especially if the person who is asking the question is depending on the answer, but it works for many. If someone asks about something personal or just needs a detailed answer it’s fine to say, “I’d rather not talk about that,” or, “I’d prefer not to say anything about it,” More often, if you explain that it is something personal, people who know you better will not force you to explain. If they insist and push the issue you can use the same answers as one of the above, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

    Sometimes you’ll mess up, someone will mention a lie you told a while ago. The best thing in such a situation is to admit the truth, apologize for what you’ve said, and tell them you’re working towards becoming a more honest person.

    Let yourself become someone new. In your life, you’ve lied a lot, and if someone called you a liar, they wouldn’t be wrong, but actually, it hurts. Always accentuate to be the person you want to be, emphasize truthfulness. Every time you lie by reflex and have to correct yourself, don’t feel ashamed, only focus on the correction and not the lie. The correction is a sign of improvement that shows that you are getting better. As time goes on you’ll find you’re correcting yourself less and one day you’ll realize, you haven’t lied in over a week. Eventually, you’ll hardly ever feel the urge to lie, and when you do have that urge you’ll have the emotional tools to deal with it.

      Truth does set us free because with truth there’s nothing left to conceal, no more wild stories to keep track of. Truth facilitates us to pursue real dreams, gain success in our lives, and accomplish things that will make us feel unbelievably good and happy about ourselves, instead of empty and disgraced.

     In my opinion, stop lying to your loved one is the greatest and most significant decision you will make in your life. It’s seriously important stuff and will redirect your life like nothing else. 

    The past is always there in the background, you can’t change any part from that period, just learn to ignore it. It won’t bother you if you keep yourself focused on the present and the upcoming future. As you know that the past was something that you’ve learned and will never repeat such mistakes then it won’t haunt you as much.

    Telling people the truth is one of the best things you can do. They might be despondent, yet they will see the value in the way that you conceded your bad behaviors and told them the truth. People you love may leave you and never trust you, it’s never too late, realize it that is how humans are programmed to be.

  • How Gambling Addiction Affects Family and Friends

    How Gambling Addiction Affects Family and Friends

    Gambling is like a fatal disease, it kills you slowly, but you’re not the only one suffering. You may be addicted, but the whole family suffers with you each day. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes.

    Stumbling and staggering I reached at the door in the middle of the night. Like other weekends, it’s just another one full of misery. I lost again today, and this is becoming a permanent issue. Drunk and disappointed, I am a gambling addict. I can’t tell anybody about it, at least not now. These are the expressions of every gambling addict out there. Gambling is a severe addiction and according to stats,

    • Half of the gambling addicts are involved in crimes one way or another.
    • Over 80% of the addicts become Alcohol or Drug addicts as well.

    They want to reach out for help, but many few of them dare to do so. Thankfully, I was one of them. I have been a gambling addict for more than 2 years, and during this time, I have neglected my family and friends in many ways. 

    In this article, I will share with how gambling addiction affected my family and my friendship.

    Emotional Impacts and Isolation

    This is what I call the first phase of addiction. When I started losing money, it took a toll on my mind. As an addict, I always denied these feelings because, for me, Gambling was a cure for all the unpleasant feelings. I left my loved ones behind and started to ignore them. Isolation is eminent under such circumstances. I just wanted to be alone and think about my next bluff. As a result, I developed feelings of anxiety and depression over time. Being irritated to everyone and even violence sometimes. After my recovery, from what I have observed, there are 3 main things an addict faced.

    • The partner of an addict doesn’t want to get close to him/her as he/she always feels scared around him.
    • Gambler remains in denial, and for this reason alone he isolates himself from others and cut out his love and support.
    • Friends of an addict leave in the end and mostly due to the unpaid debts.

    Mental Stress

    When I started gambling everything was excellent in the beginning. Sometimes I got out with lots of cash and other times I lost some. I always took it as a sport for recreation, but I didn’t even realise how and when I got to the deep end. As I began to lose more games, the stress increases each time. This stress not only confides with me but also with my loved ones. When they see me stressed and depressed, it affected them, and they got scared for me. They always want to have a close watch on me like I am going to suicide. Sometimes, my mind took me there, as well. Fortunately, it wasn’t a long duration, but for 2 years, I stopped living and felt like I am falling in a never-ending pit of depression.

    Financial Impact Of Gambling On Family

    Gambling is a predictable game and trust me when I say; You Can’t Be The Winner Forever. How can I say? Well, I am saying this with experience and after lots of losing. In the end, it will affect you and your family financially and to a very critical extent. 

    After I got settled in Finland, I worked hard and saved myself some money to start a new life with my fiancé. But the Gambling ate all my desires and funds. So, I am saying this with full confidence if you remain on the track to gambling it will cost you a fortune. I have seen families destroyed, and fathers separated from their loved ones over this addiction. In the end, some addicts become so financially helpless that taking their own life is the only solution they can think of. Gambling never dies, but you can’t say the same for an addict.

    It Devours Your Friendship

    Have you seen a real-life monster? Gambling is just the image of a fierce one. Before I was an addict, I used to live in the happiest circle of friendship. We care for each other, and in harsh times we supported each other. But Gambling took all of them one by one while I was standing there listening to the crocked voice despair. Please stop and save my soul. My inner voice was shrieking out of misery, but in the end, I was alone on this path. 

    Final Thoughts

    I will not say that I am not a lucky person. I had someone who took care of me even when all hope was gone. My fiancé supported me and gave me hope for a better life. While I think of those past days, I shook with fear to know how far I was in this pit. But sadly, not everyone has such caring souls. So, it’s better to face this on time and seek help. On my website gambling-addictions.com I share my story and stories of many other addicts. This helps them to find help and hope. Share your story with us to be heard and helped.

  • Interview with Justyn Larcombe

    Interview with Justyn Larcombe


    Friends and family are often key to encourage loved ones with gambling problems to seek help. I was lucky to have my fiancé, who was pushing me to seek professional help. She didn’t give up on me (yet), and she wanted to know everything about the addiction, that was destroying our relationship.

    After trying to learn all she could about the gambling, she discovered that there is not much support nor articles she could find for addict’s partners and their psychological and emotional health. In this difficult period, she contacted many psychologists, because she didn’t know a thing about problem gambling. She wanted to hear from many doctors what their views on this disease was, so that she could form hers. They all gave her different advices. Some said that she should leave straight away, while others told her that she shouldn’t rush with her decision. Advice she appreciated the most was that it wasn’t her fault, as partners often feel guilty and think that they did something wrong.

    One day, after coming home from work, she told me to check a TED talk she found helpful. It was “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe. It’s a story about ex-military Major that gambled his money and savings.

     A good TED talk does more than just inspires you – it changes the way you see the world, or challenges you are facing. That was exactly what I experienced. It made a huge impact on me, because for the first time, I felt relieved. I wasn’t the only one with this problem, I’m not alone.

    For my biggest surprise, my fiancé bought me a book Justyn wrote “Tails I Lose”. She knew I couldn’t afford it and how much just a short TED talk meant to me. It was the most precious gift I have ever received, because I realized she gave me the second chance and really wants to see me getting better.

    What an inspiration the book was. I realized there is always a way out, no matter how bad the problems might seem. However, after reading the book, I still had a few questions and decided to reach out to Justyn. To my surprise, he replied straight away with equally inspiring advices:

    How did you manage to win back your partner’s trust? Looking from this perspective, what would you advice compulsive gamblers who are still hiding from their partners their addiction? When and how to face their partners with the truth? 

    Justyn: One thing I always say is that it is so much better to tell your partner than for them to find out, but choose a time when you have taken some steps on the road to recovery so you can talk about the issue with some good news.Even if it’s just to say ‘this is what happened, but now I have self excluded’ or ‘now I have stopped and am going to a meeting’.Trust is so preciousand if you tell them there is a chance to keep it, if they find out, it may never come back. There are no easy solutions to life. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie. So give them time – even if it takes a few years.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to  make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if its just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if it’s just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    In the UK, 1 in 10 suicides is related to problem gambling and a problem gambler is 15 times more at risk from suicide than non gamblers. It is the shame that drives this statistic. I think it helped me to be honest and to realize I wasn’t the only one. So meeting and talking to others in a similar position – or connecting via a blog will really help!

    Justyn is the CEO of “Recovery Two” charity that is helping others to cope with gambling addiction.

    Justyn: “Recovery Two” offers recovery courses to all addicts and one of the key things we noted, as you so rightly point out, is the lack of support for those impacted by the addiction of a loved one. The focus always seems to be on the addict, there should be more support for family. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes. So we run a family support group which has been a great help to many.

    In case you need support or would like to learn more about gambling addiction, here is the link of  Justyn’s “Charity Two” where you can find needed information.

    If you would like to watch a TED talk I mentioned, here is the link:
    “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe.

    If you would like to read Justyn’s book, you can purchase it here:
    “Tails I Lose”

  • Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    You should be proud of yourself! I know that I am, because statistically only roughly 5 percent of people with gambling addiction are seeking treatment. Relapse is going to be a big part of our healing process. 

    I had one relapse, after being “clean” for a few weeks. I received an email from the betting website that offered me €20 bet. Why not, it’s a free money? Next thing I know, I lost €400, just when I was thinking I’m doing a good job with my recovery. It was very hard to accept that relapses are normal and that they don’t mean you are not on a right path of your compulsive gambling recovery.                                     

    Millions of people around the globe struggle with problem gambling. It starts with the one-time desire to try, but it doesn’t take long for a person to fall into its shackles. Once that happens, it starts off a life of destructive habits, financial distress, and mental health issues. Despite knowing the negative effects of gambling, people have an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity—just like smoking, drinking, or drug addiction.

    Once gambling addiction starts, the person who is unable to resist from betting continues to chase the “high” they get from a big win. That’s despite the string of continuous losses, cheating, lying, or even stealing money to keep gambling. In extreme cases, the addicted person tends to undergo a significant personality shift. While the person may hide his or her gambling addiction and engage in working and leading their everyday life, consequences tend to build up in the background.

    Most recovering gambling addicts tend to fall prey to the lures of gambling companies—be it financial rewards, free bets, football tickets and other perks. These are enough to draw a recovering person back to the addiction, no matter how much that costs them in terms of membership fees and losses. It happened with me to, I was constantly getting free bets from gambling companies.

    A relapse of gambling addiction is not a verdict of failure. One should know that relapses don’t occur because a treatment hasn’t failed, or because the person lacks willpower to quit the habit. Relapse, albeit being unpleasant, is an essential learning point for recovering gambling addicts. If addressed properly, it becomes a powerful experience for the recovery process. 

    Undesirable relapses of gambling addiction are common in the recovery process. Also, they can be overwhelming for both, the recovering addict, as well as their near and dear ones. However, one should not confuse a relapse with a slip. A slip is a single unplanned gambling incident; the person briefly engages in the activity, but instantly regrets the move and stops it immediately. On the other hand, a relapse is a return to gambling after not doing it for a long period. If you slip back into addiction, it’s a sign that it’s time to re-evaluate your goal to stop gambling and change your recovery strategy. 

    Dealing with my addiction and all that I have caused has been hard, especially after seeing how much I hurt my fiancé. I hurt her tremendously. Finding her in tears when she thought no one was watching her, made me feel devastated, suicidal at times. We went through a difficult period when she found out and we’re still struggling. Thoughts about how our life would be if I wasn’t a gambler are hunting me constantly. 

    Gambling addiction is a serious disease that will try to sneak up on us when we least expect. Just because you had a relapse doesn’t mean you have to or will keep on betting. Gambling relapse triggers will never entirely disappear. I’m trying to protect my recovery by recognizing the triggers and not falling for them. I decided to go for a run or a walk whenever I have an urge to bet. So far, I had one relapse and 50 km of running and walking.

    Because of COVID 19, there are no games I could bet on. Casinos are closed, so currently I don’t have an urge to bet, because there is nothing I could bet on. Let’s see if things will change when restrictions get lifted. However, if I do end up having relapses in the future, or if you do, then we will have to change our recovery strategy and talk honestly with our therapists/support group, cause only with the help of professionals we can beat this disease.

    Good luck mate, and let me know if I can help you anyhow!

  • Telling to My Fiancé

    Telling to My Fiancé

    My life was amazing. I was working as a chef where the income wasn’t that good, but l managed to make savings and afford almost everything I wanted. I am ambitious and have always wanted to achieve a lot in my personal and professional life. If I had opportunity to study or take extra courses, I took it.

    I had a beautiful fiancé, very independent, highly educated, with a successful career. We were tougher for almost 4 years. Every possible moment we tried to spend together. I couldn’t be more thankful for such a supportive and loving partner, that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

    We had so many dreams and great plans together. One of them was our own little family. After two years of trying to have a baby, we decided to go for an IVF treatment. Around that time I became a compulsive gambler. All my mood swings she understood as coping with negative pregnancy results that we were facing every month. She never pushed me and tried to understand why I was so down, because she assumed I needed space, as she needed it too. Coping with infertility and negative pregnancy results was extremely hard, especially for her. For me, it was just a continuation of my sorrows that no one knew anything about.

    She didn’t know I owed to the banks more than 40 thousand euros and this pressure was killing me. Although she is such a loving and supportive person, I couldn’t tell her the truth. I was so ashamed and I didn’t want to break the image of a strong, supportive partner that she had of me. I was sure she would leave me, if she knew how weak I was. None of us wants to be seen as weak and we are all used to pretend and keeping our heads high in every difficult situation, even when all we really want is to shout or cry… How well suited are Queen’s lyrics here: “Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, pretending that I’m doing well…”

    I knew the lie was going to destroy her, that all she thought she knew so well will be gone. Trust she had in me will be gone.

    I was looking forward to having a family with my beautiful partner, secretly hoping that when we have a baby, I will stop gambling. I was afraid that we may find ourselves stretched financially, paying for the high cost of IVF treatment with a somewhat limited probability of success, so I started gambling even more, to earn back all I had lost.

    Our IVF was getting closer and she was so exited. Hearing from the doctor that we have to be in a good place emotionally and have our relationship on solid ground before starting an IVF cycle, hit me badly. I wanted to kill myself. I was constantly telling to myself that I can’t I ruin my fiancé’s and unborn baby’s life like this, but at the same time, I was so afraid of her reaction and was sure that it will be end of our relationship. I didn’t want to loose her and all we had. The shame was unbearable. How should I tell her that I have a debt in 7 different banks, that I won’t be able to pay for any scheduled treatment nor anything for the baby next who-knows-how-many years? How should I even start the story? How do you open up and admit the addiction? When would be the best time to tell her?

    Finally, two days before the treatment, I managed tell her. It was on Monday, while she was still at work. The previous day we had a fight, because she was asking me how come the second month in a row I cannot pay my share of the rent, when I have a full-time job. I texted her apologizing for the fight. She still couldn’t understand why I don’t have money out of the sudden and asked me out of the blue if I was gambling. I used the opportunity and told her the truth partially. I admitted that my credit card was maxed out. She just texted me back that we will talk more when she gets back home. I wasn’t man enough to tell her about 50 thousand euros what I owed to different banks. 

    I still remember the look on her face when she arrived home. She was crying, telling me that she was holding back the tears the whole day at work. She was completely broken, and to my surprise, she wasn’t screaming. Instead, she was very supportive and warm. She was hugging me constantly, asking why I didn’t tell her earlier, cause she could maybe help me and we would go trough any shit together. We both were crying a lot that and following few days.

    The very same night she couldn’t sleep, and had woken me up, asking if my credit card was the only debt I had. I couldn’t lie to her anymore, and I told her everything. We spent the entire night talking about how my gambling addiction started and how I ended up taking loans. She remained extremely calm, even though her world collapsed. All her dreams were gone. Baby what we were wishing for such a long time was gone. A man who she thought she knew so well was gone.

    Telling her everything was the best decision I had ever made. No more lies, no more hiding. All the “cards” were opened. Even now when I’m writing this, I feel so sorry for lying to her all these years. I was too afraid and ashamed to reveal the truth, to see her disappointment. I’m such a coward!

    It was much easier to breathe, now that she knew. The pressure I felt and self-blaming were not as hard as before. Finally, the lie was off from my shoulders. Both of us were heart broken. I felt naked and as if I was starting my life anew.

    I can’t imagine the pain she was going through. She didn’t know any gambler and this addiction was something she knew nothing about. Therefore, she started doing the research to learn as much as possible, before making any decision about our future. She was sharing her findings, trying to educate myself too, She found all support groups and made me see a therapist.

    However, after a few days, she cancelled the IVF treatment and had asked to move out, so that she has more space to think. I was very thankful for her, for the love she gave me and all the support. At the same time, I am honestly very glad I didn’t ruin her life completely by having a baby with a gambler.

    Advice for fellow gamblers

    Speak up and admit you have the problem right now! Don’t wait until it’s too late! Go!

    Your family needs to know, cause they don’t deserve to live in a lie. They are planning their lives based on a lie and they didn’t deserve it. Let them know, so that they can plan their lives based on a truth.

    We can never know how someone will react and that is the scariest part. Maybe you will be surprised, as I was. Maybe your partner won’t be screaming, as mine didn’t, or maybe they will and that is ok too. It’s is because they are hurt greatly and you can stand it. Be there for your family and answer to all their questions. Help them understand what your addiction is.

    No more lies! Communicate with your dear partner and tell them all about what you’re going through. That is the only way that will take us far.

    We can do this! 

    Useful link

  • Neck Deep in Debt

    Neck Deep in Debt

    According to National Council on Problem Gambling the average gambler may have personal debts up to $90,000. I owe to banks €50 000, but their high interest rates and charges are likely to make the situation worse.

    Taking loans online is extremely easy, at least in Finland. If you provided the bank with a pay slip, it takes ca.10 minutes to get one. I was still working as a head chef full time, so at least I had my pay slips. In two years of active gambling, I took seven bank loans. The interest rates were high, but that was the only quick solution I could think of to pay my credit card and bills. Instead of stopping once the bills were paid, I would spend remaining money on gambling. It was a vicious circle and I got hooked. I could’t and didn’t know how to stop.

    The tension I felt every day was horrible. I was constantly thinking and calculating which loan to repay first. Since I was panicking so much and wanted to get my money back, I started making bets in every possible sport I could think of, even some tennis and rugby games I never watched before. I was making bets for all the leagues from Australia, Japan, Brazil… You name it, I was betting all of them. I even placed a bet for Eurovision song contest. 

    Worst of all, I completely lost the value for money. A bit over a year into betting, it took me one week to spend the loan of €4000, but later I was spending €3000 a day. I was constantly jumping from one betting site to another, checking who will give me better odds. On the rare occasions, when I didn’t have anything to bet on, I felt empty and bored.

    The greater the embarrassment and guilt because of betting were, the stronger defense mechanisms I developed. What an amazing liar I became. In a split second I could come up with a lie. My fiancé started noticing my mood changes and depression. She asked me countless times why I am getting angry so easily and why I am checking my phone constantly. I gave her lousy excuses that she didn’t believe in. She actually taught it was my way of escaping the disappointment we both felt because we couldn’t get pregnant for a few years. 

    The last summer, my fiancé went to visit her family without me, for two weeks. I thought I would feel free, because she wasn’t at home and I would have more time to gamble. Instead, I felt trapped and became so depressed, that I couldn’t get out of bed. I had no idea how to return the debt. Those two weeks were the loneliest in my life.

    At some point I remember calling her admitting I couldn’t get out of bed, without disclosing the real reason. I never had a courage to tell her the truth, because of the great fear of being judged and dumped. I was sure I’m strong enough to get through this by myself. 

    She was so worried that she convinced me to see a psychologist. I agreed, because the doctor was provided for free through the health insurance from my work. The doctor was an older man that asked me if I was still betting. I told him I stopped. The same evening I lost €700. I never visited him again, but the positive outcome of that meeting was the explanation I got about Finnish financial support systems that I will talk more about in one of the next posts.

    Not just that I became a liar, but I started hiding everything around our house that could make my fiancé suspicious. For example, I was rushing home every day, so that she wouldn’t see our mail and all the bills I was getting from seven different banks. 

    Finally, I spent all the loans, while bills were piling up. I couldn’t pay my share of the rent and I had no idea what to do. I tried to take more loans countless times, but all the banks rejected me, since I didn’t repay previous loans. I started asking at work if I could get my salary in advance, thinking that I can double it with the next bet. If I had some real estate, I would have sold it.

    The first time I couldn’t pay the rent, my fiancé realized something went terribly wrong. She started asking me questions and wanted to see my bank statement. I managed to come up with lies that calmed her down. I even showed her fake bank account statement. She believed me and it made me feel so much worse, because she didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t want to lose her by telling her the truth, and I was worried our days together are numbered. That month, she payed our common bills.

    Even at times when I didn’t have money to pay the bills, I couldn’t stop thinking about gambling. When I would get a salary, I would spend it online, hoping that the next win is around the corner. I was still sure I can beat the system and win all my money back.

    The next month was the same – I couldn’t pay my share of the rent. However, this time my fiancé  was absolutely sure I was hiding something, so she started pressuring me to reveal the truth. Finally, she pushed me so much and I told her everything.

    Solutions Available for Gambling Debts


    In the next post you can read about how my fiancé reacted and how nothing was as I anticipated.

    3  ways to getout of gambling debt.


    Disclaimer:
    I’m writing this from my own experience. I’m not a doctor or financial advisor. All the advices I will write are the ones I wish I got before it was too late. 


    Don’t use credit cards!

    I truly hope that many countries will follow UK’s example. As of 14th of April 2020, they put a ban on credit card usage for online gambling.

    Tell someone about your problem!

    What we have is a serious illness that is impacting not only our lives in ever possible way, but also lives of our loved ones. The sooner you tell them, the sooner everyone will be able to move forward and make the best decisions for themselves.

    Seek financial assistance!

    I contacted free debt counseling service providers to discuss my situation. With their help, I learned about the best solutions to move forward.

    Don’t be hard on yourself! It’s not about what we lost, it’s all about the next right move. We can do this and we can all beat this addiction that is ruining our lives!

    Advice for families and friends

    If you are suspicious and think your loved one has financial problems, he or she most likely has. If you notice change in the behavior, don’t assume what the reasons are, but ask questions instead. Ask until you know the truth. 

    If you find out that your loved one is a compulsive gambler, it will probably completely change the perception of your past, present and future. All the plans you had might vanish. You will loose trust. However, please always remember one thing:

    He or she is a gambler, but s/he is still the same person you love dearly, with all the same fears, hopes and qualities. You got to know another side that you didn’t know existed and that side will need your help. S/he is equally lost and scared as you are.

    Gambling addiction is a curable disease that only with a help of professionals can be overcome. It is not your responsibility to cure them, but the most important thing you can do is to guide your dear person and help her or him to see the advantages of the therapy and psychologists.

    Take just one step at a time and don’t forget to take very good care of yourself.

  • My Life Before a Gambling Addiction

    My Life Before a Gambling Addiction

    I was born in Estonia, in the beginning of ‘80s. I really want to skip the part where we were living in soviet times, when there were no possibilities to travel abroad or to buy groceries without a coupon. My childhood was happy, especially because we didn’t have mobile phones or computers. Life was somehow easier compare to nowadays, where access to bank loans and betting are just a click away. It seems to me, in that sense, you had less chances to ruin your life.

    At school, I was terribly bored. I wasn’t the best student and was sometimes receiving remarks from teachers about being late and not paying enough attention in classes. My favorite hobbies were playing basketball and football, fishing and cooking. Actually, for as long as I can remember I loved cooking, so it was clear for me that I wanted to be a chef when I grow up. Therefore, I finished cooking college and became a chef.

    Moving to Ireland 

    As you will see, I was making quite a few questionable decisions in my life. The first one, that will change the course of my life forever, was when I decided to live and work as a chef in Ireland when I was 19 years old and didn’t speak a word of English. Here is why I decided to make such a radical move.

    I have to thank my parents for giving me so much freedom (maybe sometimes too much) when I was in my teenage years. Being on my own, without much control from parents, was becoming a problem, because I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. All of my friends where drinking a lot. Being young, inexperienced, with a need to fit in, I didn’t want to say no to temptations. After many hangover mornings and some visits to police stations, I realized that I have to get out of that circle. 

    Being desperate for a change, I took a risk and applied for a job in Ireland through one agency in Tallinn, where both the accommodation and job were provided. I don’t know how, but I got accepted barely knowing a word of English. Maybe they thought chefs don’t talk to customers? I was so nervous for going there, but at the same time excited because of the fresh start. I was hoping that being fluent in Estonian, Russian and German will be enough to get me started, together with €100 my pocket. 


    Going to Ireland, was the first time I was leaving the country, first time at the airport and the first ride on the plane. I remember sitting at airport in Tallinn, thinking “what am I doing now, is this really happening?“, hoping that I’m going to be fine and that I made a good decision. It’s amazing how some thoughts stay with us forever.

    From the moment the plane landed, I fell in love with Ireland, especially Dublin. Everything was so green and people were warm and positive. I thought this city could become my home and it did, for the next seven years.


    The first disappointment came a few days after I landed, when I realized that the Estonian agency put me to work in “Abrakebabra”, a fast food restaurant. I was promised to work for a fancy restaurant, because I finished culinary college and got a degree. I couldn’t change the job, because my residence permit was connected to it. I lived in a house together with six other people who were in the same situation. At least I got my own room and I quickly adapted to this arrangement.

    The Irish pub culture surprised me. It was very popular for all the workers to go after work for a pint…every day. After a while, I got used to this too, as well as to partying hard.

    It was quite easy for me to make new friends, also because of my love to both watching and playing football. I’ve been Manchester United supporter all my life.

    A memory, that taught me to be extra careful with the expression of my passion, was when one day, wearing proudly my clubs red t-shirt, I walked into the local pub I didn’t visit before. Suddenly, like in a movies, the place went quiet. Everybody was staring at me and I wasn’t sure what was going on. While ordering a pint I noticed that this was Liverpool supporters’ pub. Next thing I remember, was me running out as fast as I could. Luckily, nothing bad happened.

    In Ireland I made my first bet. A few of my friends and I were in a pub when someone noticed horse race on a screen. We all decided to try our luck and make a bet. I didn’t know anything about betting, not even terms like “odds” or “even money”. Standing there, in front of the bookie, listening how he passionately tried to explain the ways we can spend our money, I thought I have nothing to lose. He said that we can still win, even tho the horse we put a bet on lost. The next thing I remember was that I had 50 euros in my hand which I put on the horse called “Russian Roulette” (10 to 1 where odds for that horse). 5 minutes later, I was standing with 500 euros in my hand. “Easy money”, I was thinking, but I didn’t have an urge to gamble again. That was the first and last time I gambled in Ireland. The urge didn’t come in Australia either, where I moved next.

    Moving To Australia

    Even though life in Ireland was nice, with secured job and good friends, it wasn’t enough and I needed a change. I was getting sick of the rainy whether and short summers. I needed some warmer climate and was sure that “grass was greener” elsewhere. Luckily, my best friend thought exactly the same and liked adventures as much as I did, so we decided to go together to Darwin, Australia next. We flew there with only a luggage, fishing rod and €1000 of savings, hoping we will find a job straight away.

     
    I could write countless pages about my experiences in Australia. For instance, job hunting, working for prestige restaurants, spending time with aboriginal community, going to work in the meat factory and getting arrested, traveling to Bali and Philippines, living in a truck and tents with my best friend for a few months, working on a boat for a multi-millionaire, being offered a modeling job from respected scout that I rejected, having a car accident… but I will leave them for some other posts, because now I just want to give you a brief overview of how I was living my life before it became “possessed” by gambling.

    After three years, our visa expired and we had to decide where to go next. My plan was to move closer to my home country and start to think seriously about my future. I was 30 years old.

    Moving To Finland

    I decided to go to Finland, because I had better chances to make savings than in Estonia, and at the same time, I would be able to visit my family more frequently, which I was missing.

    It was hard to start again from scratch, the third time in 10 years. I barely knew Finnish, just had some basic knowledge from the Elementary school, had no savings, job, friends, and I was pissed, cause I actually never wanted to leave Australia.

    First few months in Helsinki, I was very insecure. I doubted my skills as a chef, so I started my career in Finland as a dishwasher. It was easier. I didn’t have to stress or think much about it, but I was in the kitchen and could see how different it is compared to what I was used to. After 3 months, I grew stronger, gained confidence, and started to work again as a chef. My biggest achievement, was that I managed to finish the prestige culinary college in Helsinki and became officially a head chef. 


    Compared to crazy days in Australia, my life in Finland became quite opposite. It was way calmer, maybe even boring. I was doing lots of sports, rediscovered my love for hiking, fishing and camping. 

    Finnish and Estonian cultures are similar, but being abroad for so many years, I forgot how cold we can be. It is harder to approach people and make friends. It took me some time before I managed to make few friends.

    I wasn’t happy. I was putting myself under a lot of pressure, because I didn’t have any savings or girlfriend. I did have countless experiences, but they couldn’t get me a car or house that I started dreaming of.


    After working hard for a few years I finally managed to make savings. I could finally afford to buy a car, Volvo C30, and I think I was the proudest owner. Four years after moving to Finland, I met beautiful Serbian girl, who stayed and worked in Helsinki, after her Master studies. Three years later, I proposed to her and she said “Yes!”. We wanted to expand our family and equally wanted a baby. Life was amazing again, at least I thought.


    In the next blog post, I will tell you how I started to gamble and when I realized I have an addiction.