Gambling Addictions

Category: Uncategorized

  • Part Two: My Partner is a Gambler

    Part Two: My Partner is a Gambler

    Written by my fiancé

    My fiancé agreed to write about how finding out about my addiction was for her. I think this is the only proper and honest way my readers can have the full picture on how a life of a family gets ruined by a gambling addiction. This is her side of our story, the second part:

    Part Two:

    I have two Master Degrees in design and up until now I have considered myself well educated. Yet I knew nothing about addictions and gambling. No one from my family had that problem. I felt so angry that all the schools that I finished didn’t teach me anything about dealing with mental illnesses and “earthquakes” in life that shake and ruin all we thought we knew so well.

    Giving Uri two weeks to move out put additional pressure on me. I had no idea how to deal with problems I was facing. The love of my life, my fiancé, the future dad of my kids, was so terribly ill and I was kicking him out, cause I didn’t know what to do. I was absolutely sure he didn’t love me and that I failed as a partner, cause he chose to hide his problems from me.

    Is gambling really an illness or just a sign of weak character? If he broke the leg, would I cancel the IVF and tell him to move out? What is compulsive gambling? Is it curable? Why was the doctor from IVF clinic telling me that gambling is not a big deal? Why was she telling me that I should support him in his recovery? Why didn’t she see his illness as a big deal? I was so confused.

    I told my sister about Uri’s secret. She got so mad and upset, saying he should be happy we didn’t live in the same city. She hated him from the bottom of her heart.

    I felt so ashamed. All my life I was living respecting everyone and everything, following all the rules. Getting drunk was still something I have never experienced, because I just never liked the taste of alcohol and dizziness I would feel. I have never broken any rule and have never taken any risky move, especially not financially. Now being with Uri felt as if he is doing all I never wanted to experience.

    The first week, after I found out, was extremely hard for me. I felt unbearable anxiety because I told him to move out, yet I didn’t know a thing about a gambling addiction. I decided to contact 3 psychologists an hear what they have to say. The first one screamed, saying that I should leave him immediately and consider getting back in touch after a year, when he potentially solved his issues. She said that the gambling addiction is one of the hardest, cause addicts don’t feel any consequences on their body, as they would with alcohol or narcotics, so that their bodies cannot benefit from getting rid of toxins. The doctor said it will be extremely hard for me to live with him because of all the mood changes and that I don’t need that in my life. I am young and can find someone who will be better for me. I cried so much after meeting that doctor and have decided I will never contact her again, cause her approach was too radical and not something I wanted to hear.

    The second and third psychologists had the same view on the matter. They said it’s a disease and should be treated as such. It’s not something you can see, feel or touch, but is something that can be worked on with proper therapy. They said no one knows if it will be cured and to what extend, but everything is possible. They have also said that it is amazing he admitted it and is willing to go to therapies, cause that’s a huge step that many gamblers don’t take. They told me to take one step at a time and that he doesn’t need to move out until I make up my mind and make decisions about how I want to proceed.

    I told Uri I don’t want him to move out yet and that I need more time to think. That immediately lowered my anxiety and gave me piece. Now I “just” needed to figure out how I wanted to proceed which became one of the hardest tasks in my life..

    Unfortunately, right after that shocking event, COVID 19 pandemic started, over which Uri lost his job, since the restaurants closed down. Even if I decided I didn’t want to continue the relationship with him (which I didn’t), we couldn’t separate, cause our families lived in other countries, borders were closed and people stopped seeing each other because of the lockdowns. We decided to keep on living together until we feel more stable and back to some kind of normal.

    Fast forward to 6 months from when I found out about his illness… I learned so much about the addictions, because that was the only way I could help both me and him. To this day it’s not clear for me if we will have future together and if we are good for each other. I still didn’t make decision if I wanted a relationship with him. It seems impossible because of all the fears and questions I have, but that I don’t have an answer to. We are still living together, but as roommates. For some reason, he is so angry at me, because he thinks I didn’t support him enough. I gave my best, but all the expectations I had regarding his recovery both mental and financial made it so hard for both of us. He constantly felt as if he is not good enough for me and I felt completely neglected and alone. I couldn’t understand why he stopped kissing and hugging me. Psychologist, that I kept on seeing all these moths told me that I have to initiate close contact, because he must feel as if he completely lost his identity by revealing his secrets and that he is absolutely insecure. However, I thought that our relationship became one sided as he didn’t put any effort and didn’t care about my feelings at all. He didn’t make any financial recovery plan that would give me some understanding on how our future might look like and how much he would be able to provide monthly. E.g. what if we decided to proceed with IVF treatment, who would be paying for it, how would he be able to support our potential baby? To this day all those questions remained unanswered and are making me feel very uncertain about his abilities to take care of me, his family and of his love for me. If he loved me and if he cared for me, wouldn’t he first make sure I am feeling safe and not this much in dark about his plans and future?

    I am trying to understand him, to help and support him as much as I can, but at the same time I shifted my focus from him to me. All that I tried to do, all the numbers I called, all the information I gathered feels to me was waisted. I am sure he will do all that is necessary, but in his own pace, not mine. We are not the same and it was wrong from me to expect he will fix his problem as I would.

    All I can do now is to hope and pray he will manage to fight his demons and will come out of it stronger than he ever was. In the meantime I will focus on myself and take necessary steps that will improve my life.

    Advice for gamblers:
    I know you are going through so much, I really do. There are so many new things that you have to do, like group therapies, talking to psychologists, dealing with all new emotions that come with facing with addiction… However, try to make some room for your loved ones. They are going through equally hard times. Their lives have changed dramatically too. Maybe you’re not good conversationist, but that shouldn’t stop you trying to talk to your family. Tell them how you feel every day, so that they would be able to understand you better. Don’t let them make assumptions about anything, but talk, talk, talk and I promise you, the more you try the better you will become. It’s not about the perfection, it’s about the progress. Your loved ones deserve to know everything, because they too have just one life that they are trying to live as best as they can. We all should respect time we are all spending together and dreams the others are having. Be open and honest, so that your family can fight this together with you, with the right information. You’re in this together!

    I wish you all the strength to fight this disease. Never doubt your worth or intelligence! You are amazing and can do this for sure!

    Advice for affected family:
    Two most important things I learned:

    1. Gambling addiction is not your fault!
    2. You need to focus on yourself!
    3. Fins a good therapist that will help you go though rough times

    All you can really do for your partner/loved one is to help him/her find the therapy s/he deserves to have, give advices what you think should be done and try to understand that addiction is a disease. Unfortunately, all the hard work addicts need to do, not you. Maybe it will be so clear from the beginning that you won’t leave your partner no matter what and that is great. I wish it was clear for me from the beginning, but it really wasn’t. If you feel similar to how I felt – absoluthy lost and not sure how to continue living with the addict, here is what I have to say:

    You will probably feel ashamed for what is happening to you, you will probably loose some friends because they won’t meet your expectations, or they won’t know how to approach you, as it always happens when we need fiends the most. You will also learn who your true friends are (many friendships will become stronger) and all of this is ok. This experience will teach you so much about life. You will realize what really matters, what your priorities are and how you want to live your life. You will probably spend a lot of time crying, thinking, wondering why it had to happened to you, maybe you will start taking things personally and as if Universe has something against you, but that phase won’t last too long. You just need to give yourself time to heal and to really listen to your hart and what it wants. Only when you follow what you really feel and desire, only then you’ll be able to find piece within yourself. You’re not obligated to stay with the addict and you should never fell like you abandoned her/him if you decide to leave. You have just one life that you need to live to the fullest. You should never think of things that don’t go according to your plans as mistakes, but as valuable lessons. Take time to make decisions as I am doing right now. I will still wait until I know exactly what I want to do.

    I wish you all the best!

  • Why Gambling Is The Worse Form Of Addiction?

    Why Gambling Is The Worse Form Of Addiction?

    There could be thousands of reasons why people adopt gambling, and even psychologists don’t know why people gamble? It started as fun for some persons, and for some, it was meant to escape their sorrows. But in the end, the result was always the same; Gambling Stops Being a Diversion and Becomes Addiction. What keeps people stick with it? Why people love this game, which is designed to rob them of their happiness and wealth? Why is gambling the worse form of Addiction?

    As an ex gambling addict and researcher, I sought to answer these questions, and from what I have learned, gambling is designed with several hooks attached to it. These hooks grab the addict and command his brain to compel the body for gambling. According to an expert,

    Undoubtedly, gambling is an actual brain disease that is quite different from 20 years ago when people thought it as an issue of greed, lack of willpower, and morality. Gambling changes the behavior of brain activities, which explains why people can’t seem to stop.

    Reference: Dr. Timothy Fong, Addiction Expert and Co-Director of UCLA Gambling Studies 

    Why Is Gambling So Addictive?

    It’s common knowledge that when we involve in an activity that keeps us distracted from anxiety and troubles and helps us pass the time, our neurons squirt a chemical known as dopamine that provides us satisfaction and encourages our body to make it a habit. Drug addicts use a similar stimulus to trigger that response and release dopamine forcefully to get satisfactions. With time the brain adapts to these foreign chemicals and needs more significant doses to trigger dopamine or develop tolerance to drugs. In other words, these drugs rob the neurons of their power to induce euphoria, and they become less responsive to their effects. 

    So, the more an addict uses drugs, the harder it becomes for him to stop. Keeping this behavior as a base, the researchers study the habits of pathological gamblers and compulsive addicts. As a result of this research, it was observed that the gambling addicts share many similarities with reward-seeking addicts. Just as drug addicts need a bigger dose with time to stimulate dopamine, the compulsive gamblers take high riskier ventures. 

    Similarly, drug addicts and gamblers share withdrawal symptoms when separated from respected chemicals or thrill to gamble. As an ex-addict, I can assure you it is far worse than drug addiction because physical insertion of foreign elements may cause overdose or tripping point that will set you back and make you realize. But a gambler will always pursue the course until he became a drug addict and wreck his life. Let me rephrase a comment of a fellow gambling addict,

    I started it as a fun and then realized I could not lose money fast enough in any other game. After six months of intense Addiction, I had lost thousands of dollars and went through my home equity line, all of my credit, and also borrowed money from anyone I could. For me, the money was a drug, and gambling was how I got high. 

    Reference: Kelvin Josh, Recovering Gambling Addict

    How Is Body Conditioned for Gambling Habit?

    Have any of you know about Pavlov Conditioning? It was based on the concept that,

    Specific Stimulus Triggers a Specific Response

    The conditioning was discovered by a Russian physiologist named Ivan Pavlov. In his experiments, Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed his pets. This way, he paired the sound of a bell with the arrival of food or food time. After that, the pets adjusted or conditioned them with the bell, and now each time the bell rang, the pets know it’s time to eat. 

    So, what does this have to do with gambling addiction? Recall in the above experiment; the bell was a trigger that served as a cue for pets. Similarly, when a person gambles at regular intervals, he paired himself with the gambling habit. Each time he sees his beloved card game or gambling table, it served as a cue and forced him to gamble just the like the bell cued the pets of food. Such signals served as powerful cravings and frequently resulted in relapse. In such a way, the body is conditioned for gambling, not intentionally but by the repeated response.

    What’s the Remedy?

    Pavlov or classical conditioning may be the cause in the first place, but it can also be the salvation of compulsive addicts. Recall the first example in which Pavlov had conditioned the pets with the sound of a bell. It is observed if one rang the bell many times, the connection can be salvaged. Similarly, if a gambling addict stops using a specific gambling game that he/she preferred above others, it could be the first step to the recovery. 

    But it seems too easy, right? Yes! The withdrawal is not easy, and I can vouch for that, but we have to start somewhere. 

    The Bottom Line

    Gambling addiction is increasing at an alarming rate. It is often described as an out of control habit, and you can quickly locate a gambler if he/she shows the following signs,

    • Obsessive behavior about gambling 
    • Always in need of some extra cash
    • Socially unstable relationships
    • Prone to theft or fraud
    • Feeling irritated or restless

    More effective treatment techniques are needed to counter the devastating effects of gambling. The first step is to talk with others about your Addiction, and this is the hardest step. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can reach and share your story with fellow addicts and ex-addicts. This way, you can reach out and call for help. I urge you to share your recovery story with me and be a motivation for others. 

  • Online Gambling- A New Face Of Intense Gambling Addiction

    Online Gambling- A New Face Of Intense Gambling Addiction

    Addiction originally comes from Latin, where it is mean “Enslaved By”. It’s true actually because one who has suffered from addiction can tell you about it’s sturdy and prolonged grip on mind and body. It damages personal and professional life and challenges your senses to be reasonable. The world was already suffering from terrible effects of gambling, and now online gambling has made it even worse. 

    It’s the form of gambling that alone has worth more than $100 billion. The collaboration between addictive mobile technology and casino gambling has made it more accessible and more comfortable to gamble, which is a matter of grave concern. Yes! Believe me this so right about online gambling; it’s 24/7 availability making is potentially more addictive. It is challenging to recover from traditional gambling and now imagine the catastrophe to an online form of this addiction. The internet is making things all the worse because it has made gambling accessible to everyone in every corner of the globe. 

    Even minors who are not allowed to gamble at physical casinos or betting places are gambling through online casinos. It has spawned our youth and troubled gamblers who were already struggling with their gambling addiction. 

    Online Gambling Is a New Form Of Gambling Addiction:

    Some of you may wonder, how online gambling qualifies for addiction? Let me tell you some interesting facts that I have observed over the past few years due to which I personally consider that it perhaps may be the worse form of gambling addiction. The characteristics of online gambling make it potentially more harmful because a gambler doesn’t need to go to a physical location. Let’s dig out some terrible facts about internet gambling addiction.

    Accessibility:

    One of the major causes of the sudden rise in gambling is that online gambling platforms are easily accessible 24/7, and you can gamble from anywhere. All you need is an active internet connection and no need to step in “brick and mortar” walls for gambling anymore. It has provided gamblers great comfort to play and convenience to gamble without fear. They are distracted by alcohol or drugs and can spend more time on gambling and as a result, loose subsequently higher money than ever. 

    Gambling is prohibited for underage and minors. But online gambling has made it easier for minors to gamble without any fear of being caught. You can bet in online casinos even from the locations where gambling is banned. The only option remains in this scenario is self-control, and without it, anyone could fall prey to gambling these days quickly.

    Anonymity 

    Yes! It’s entirely possible these days. A troubled gambler had to watch his back always whether someone is noticing his absence or not. If he spends too much at a casino, then he would be seen. But online gambling is entirely a different matter. Gamblers can play via mobile, laptop, tablet or Personal computer without being missed and revealing their identity.

    Anonymity has encouraged a lot of people to gamble in online casinos without the fear of being caught, and it has increased the likelihood of impulse gambling addiction.

    Affordability

    Online gambling websites are addictive because they use intelligent marketing strategies to convert more gamblers onto their sites. Some offer exceptional discounts and even free chips to play their firsthand, and some offer to take part in progressive jackpots. The greed and impulse to become rich dominates at that moment, and after that, the person becomes a regular visitor. 

    People can easily set up an account to such sites and access their bank accounts on the go gamble at affordable prices at any time. 

    Grave Reality About Online Gambling!

    Internet gambling is likely to continue growing because the platforms are becoming more and more with each update. The entertainment and recreational level are also booming, including easy to access options. The promise of excellent gambling fun has already converted a vast majority of youth to serve gambling addiction. Researcher suggests that accessibility, affordability & anonymity are three root causes that have motivated online gambling. It has increased the value of money, and among other reasons of internet, gambling is fast payout options, exceptional bonuses and discounts, the ease to play from anywhere and extensive possibilities of betting. 

    These days it easy to fall prey to this addiction as technology has surrounded the humans tightly. We live in the digital age and always looking for recreational options. Online gambling is a sort of recreations that ends into catastrophic addiction.

    The Bottom Line

    Online gambling is severely addicted due to its unique and easy to access fun features. Particularly for troubled gamblers, it’s a new form of escape from troubles. Internet gambling is not land-based, and due to its constant availability, the comfort of play and easy betting, it has affected the immense population in many countries around the globe. 

    I am also a victim of gambling addiction, and if you ask me! It’s friendly advice to quit as soon as possible. It will affect your life and those you care and will leave you with debts and sorrows. After recovering from this addiction, I promised myself to help everyone who wants to reach and tell his story & experience of gambling addiction. 

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your life experience. Be a motivation for others and help them understand that Gambling Addiction is not merely an addiction; it’s a curse to your happy life. 

  • How To Handle Gambling Stress?

    How To Handle Gambling Stress?

    Victory is a fleeting thing in the gambling business. Today’s winners are tomorrow’s blinking toads, dumb beasts with no hope.  

    Reference:  Hunter S. Thompson

    At first, you will find yourself head over heels deep in gambling habit. It will act as an anchor point to keep you away from difficulties of life. It’s an approach to subdue the stress of daily life, and many find escape in gambling from domestic issues. However, it may seem entertaining at first, but when you realize the aftermath of trouble, you will just want to quit it. It is not that easy if you ask me. Because it will become a habit that will consume your health and wealth at the same time. Then gambling stress will kick in. The never-ending gambling anxiety and stress will start to take a toll on your life.

    Hi! I am Uri, and today I will share with you guys, what may cause gambling stress and how to handle gambling stress?

    Let’s speak about the gambling problem first. It’s an activity that an individual adopts to get away from lively troubles or to dream about getting rich overnight. It’s also a behavioral change that can’t be resisted and lead to severe social and personal issues. 

    Gambling is tough to quit, and as an Ex-gambler, I can assure you it’s challenging to keep the urges at bay. The biggest obstacle is gambling recovery is gambling stress. Feeling of shame, unending dept and ruined social life make it even hard to recover from gambling anxiety.  

    Here, I am listing a few activities which will teach you how to handle gambling stress? Without any further ado, let’s get right to our task.

    1. Relax Yourself 

    Relaxation is a phycological response that arises when your body feels anxiety, pain, or stress. It’s not self-aroused phenomena; instead, it is triggered by some activity that diverts your mind. So, the best way to reduce gambling stress is to learn how to relax your body? Gambling anxiety is not like reasonable stress condition. It’s a high level of stress that makes a person physically and mentally uncomfortable. So, relaxing your body in this condition is very important. Do the following activities to keep calm in such situations.

    • Take Deep Breaths
    • Find Alternative Activities To Distract Yourself
    • Control You Nerves and Be Patient

    Learning how to relax is also a skill, and like other skills, if someone wants to develop, it gets better with time and practice. You can also do Yoga or other physical exercises to relax and get a hold of your gambling stress. 

    2. Try Something Unique

    No, I am not talking about trying some new gambling tricks. Instead, I am talking about setting new goals and tasks for each day. As a gambler, your mind develops a particular pattern or routine and urges you to follow it. But if you want to get rid of your gambling stress, try something that you haven’t done before. When you focus on new things to do, the gambling urges will remain in check, and thus, your gambling anxiety will diminish.

    3. Rejuvenate Old Hobbies

    Before adopting gambling as a full-time habit, you must have some hobbies to keep your stress in check. When you feel helpless facing gambling stress and anxiety, it is imperative to rejuvenate old hobbies. This will boost your confidence in fast recovery and provide you with moral support to strive for a healthy life. Like most of the chronic addictions, it is vitally important to find healthier alternatives to replace negative habits. 

    4. Find More Ways To Cope With Gambling Stress

    Stress is meter or scale on which we measure our emotions. It can affect your way to faster recovery. To keep in check anxiety and stress caused by gambling, it is crucial to find new ways to cope with this stress. It does not matter whether you find physical exercise, meditation, driving, gaming, or talking with friends openly. Just find yourself an anchor point to control the temptation of gambling. 

    5. Remind Yourself Gambling Is The Cause

    It is of vital importance to remind yourself why gambling is evil. It will cost you hard-earned money, family relations, friendship, and even physical & mental health. You need to be aware of your body urges. Remember that this was the root of your gambling anxiety. Try everything in your power to stay away from peoples who encourage you to gamble. If you do so, you will not need strict stress management. It will help you keep your stress in check.

    Gambling pushes you to your limits, whether, these limits are financial or metal it doesn’t matter. The result will always be the same- Your Destruction!

    Gambling ruined my life, and I was not the only one to suffer. There are hundreds of such people out there who have gone through the same trouble. My mission is to help them share their story so that they may get help in time. 

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story of recovery and be the motivation for thousands who fell prey to this addiction.

  • I Lost My Partner Because Of Gambling

    I Lost My Partner Because Of Gambling

    True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows when to rise and go home.

    Reference: John Milton Hay

    Indeed, a wise man always knows when to quit. Gambling addiction is well known as The Silent Killer; it pushes you towards the edge and then sits aside to watch you die as life slips away from your finger. Saying this from my personal experience that gambling leaves a mark on your life. Sometimes, it’s in the shape of a never-ending series of debts, and sometimes, it costs you the ones you loved the most.

    It’s not like gamblers are unaware of the problems; they are very much aware of the impacts- debts, loos of control, daily quarrels, and helplessness. But the thing is the craving will not let you rest until you’re not up for another round at poker table. Gambling feeds on your wealth, family, emotions, relations, last but not least, your health. 

    It goes both ways; gambling affects your relationship, and sometimes, peoples who are fed up with the relations seek refuge in gambling. This habit isolates him further, and each time he looks around, the herd becomes thinner. It provokes a gambler to find an escape from this disastrous life through gambling, while, in reality, it destroys his very essence piece by piece. 

    I lost someone too! And sharing this here will not heal my wounds, but it will mend my grief. Gambling addiction does affect your relationship and can have devastating effects. First, it rakes the trust between relations, and then never-ending lies choke it away completely. The lies, secrets, and gambling itself are the factors that ruin families.

    Hi! Myself Uri and I am an ex-gambler. Losing someone can be harsh, and if this someone is the love of your life, the pain is devastating. Today, I will share with you how your partner will react when he/she finds out about your addiction.

    1. Your Relationship Will Change

    Embrace yourself because this is reality. Once your partner finds out about your gambling addiction, his/her impression of you will change. It may be positive or negative. In most cases, as soon as the partner knows this fact, he/she will decide to leave to whether immediately or in one’s own good time. 

    Gambling is a curse; it drives a wedge in your bonding and then turns it into bits. These bits block the view of your love for your partner. He/she feel like you’re ruining their lives by being unfaithful. It takes huge courage and honesty to drive a relationship. But the broken promises and lies made your partner lose faith in you.

    So, it’s true when I say; the truth will change your relationship with your partner for good.

    2. Feel The Change In Behaviour

    An addict behaves out of order, and in most cases, this is the only reason they get caught. When your partner knows this fact, they feel betrayed. This is where all the hard-earned money was going! Their minds suddenly filled with negative thoughts. They lost complete trust in you, and then comes the change in behaviour. Your partner starts hiding things from you.

    The loving thought of shared dreams, love, mutual respect, and promises that define the very deep emotions of your partner’s commitments were perceived to be betrayed. Your gambling behaviour fades all the good that you have done, and only the stamp of gambler remains by which you’re judged. Once your partner finds put about gambling addiction, you will see that:

    • Your partner starts ignoring you
    • He/she will not share the bed with you anymore
    • Your partner will not tell you his personal affairs anymore
    • Suddenly starts cutting you out from his/her life
    • The love in your partner’s eyes will fade away
    • You will lose respect and faith

    In gambling, you will win big, but the thing you will lose is not just money. It will always be more than you can ever imagine.

    3. Things Will Go Sideways

    Yes! Things will definitely go sideways. Your world will fall apart slowly as sand grains slip from hand. You will feel like fish trapped in a jar. Speaking from personal experience- You can’t run from it, you can hide from the consequences, and certainly, you can’t beat the odds. Not until you make a mind and do something about it. But what happens when things go sideways? At first, you will observe the behavioural changes of your partner, and the never-ending fights will begin. You and your partner will fight and argue over trivial things.

    Your partner will hate your presence, and even after things settle down, they will always remain vigilant about your daily routine. Your partner will meddle into your affairs, and this will start irritating you. But we can’t blame them for this, can we?

    If I talk about myself, it took me years to understand that it was never about winning or losing. It’s the blow we like. We just love to blow away every cent, and with it every relationship we hold dear. In the end, what remains is a long list of loans to prolong the guilt, shame, and anger.

    “As long as the gambling continues, your mind will always stray in darkness, and you will keep chasing your lost memories in the dark mist of the past. The money and relations you have lost are gone forever” 

    How does It end?

    It’s the most painful part. It is also very hard for your partner to leave you. When your partner finds out about your gambling addiction, it comes as a surprise. At first, they take their time to digest the shock and understand the situations. In most of the cases, they feel pity and sticks with you until they can. I have seen many couples struggling over this issue.

    The bad days- days you don’t want to talk about will come, days that will make you lose sleep in the night will follow you. With all this burning inside, your partner will slowly make his/her way out of your life.

    They don’t want to lose their love for gambling, so; they struggle to maintain their relationship. But in very few cases, they dare to make it to the end. Feeling nauseous, confused, and disoriented, their only option will be to let you deal with it and run away. 

    Trust me! They will run away as there is only much one can bear. 

    I read somewhere- The scariest thing in the world is to be left alone. When one loses all the hope, faith, money, and even feel the end is near, the support and love of others kept him going. But when you lose respect, support, and relations, this destroys you, and an addict does that to himself. It takes a lot of soul searching and time to make relations and memories, but all it takes one wrong decision to fade it all.

    How I Lost My Partner To Gambling?

    Let me share with you guys- The Story Of My Life! HOW I LOST MY LOVE, and my partner to this addiction. She was everything to me, the most important person of my life. Our life was perfect, we had moved in together about 3 years ago and enjoying life to it’s full. We were the perfect fit for each other, like the missing pieces of a puzzle. I knew her mood swings, habits, likes, and dislikes and was always there for her.

    We got engaged, and everything was going as we had planned. We were saving money for our better future and were looking to have a dream life together full of joys and love. Last year, we travelled in the summer and decided to have a baby to complete our family. We booked for an IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) treatment and started choosing cute names for our future family members.

    In between these pleasant times, we had brought a dog in our new apartment that we had rented about nine months ago. In the evening, when I come home from a tiresome work routine, I used to play with our dog, and then we spend the night discussing our day. But I don’t know she got the air of my gambling habit that changed everything. At first, she became angry for not telling her, and afterward, the arguments and long fights become a permanent thing.

    She supported me initially, but as time passed, she didn’t want to stay with me anymore. Just like that- My life was torn apart, I promised to quit, but she didn’t believe me. Trust was gone and she didn’t believe me anymore. After serious fights and never-ending arguments, she asked me to move out of the apartment.

    I don’t blame her for that, as it was me who was to blame. I did that to myself. I lost her because of my foolishness. After that day, I promised myself that I would quit gambling, start working hard to have a new life, and never make that mistake again that cost me everything. At my blog gambling-addictions.com, I share my experience as a gambling addict and want the people to know that if they won’t quit this habit in time, they will lose their partner as I did.

  • Getting out of gambling debt: The Definitive Guide

    Getting out of gambling debt: The Definitive Guide

    Most people don’t have a gambling problem, but I do and now im trying to get out of gambling debt.

    In two years of active gambling, I took seven bank loans. There are many different types of loans. Easiest to get for me was Instant Cash Loans. It was fast way to get money for my gambling needs.

    The interest rates were high, but that was the only quick solution I could think of to pay my credit card and bills. 

    Instead of stopping once the bills were paid, I would spend the remaining money on gambling. It was a vicious circle, and I got hooked. 

    I couldn’t and didn’t know how to stop.

    Gamblers will pay with their charge cards, bank accounts, investments, retirement savings, or basically anyplace else that they may have the option to get their hands on the money. Typically, they guarantee that they simply need to win that one major wager so they can get themselves in the clear. However, very regularly, this debt keeps accumulating until it turns out to be totally unmanageable. 

    Gambling debt is terrible for your credit, sure. Be that as it may, it likewise negatively affects your own and professional life. You could even be placing your friends and family in harm’s way. 

    On the off chance that your heap of chips has transformed into a heap of debts, you presumably feel like it is highly unlikely to get out of the debt. I have composed this guide to assist you in figuring out how to get yourself out of gambling debt. 

    Treat Your Addiction 

    Before you can handle your gambling debt, you need to treat your gambling addiction. 

    What’s more, you need to accept that you have an issue. 

    On the off chance that you haven’t gotten into debt with gambling yet, it’s not, at this point, only a great game you play now and again. It has become an addiction. 

    It’s normal for individuals with gambling addiction to deny that they have an issue, significantly more so than the individuals who are dependent on medications and liquor. 

    However, for the good of you, and for your friends and family, you need to take a hard look at where you are at this moment. 

    Here are a couple of the signs that you need assistance for gambling addiction: 

    • Moving cash between account to hide gambling 
    • Gambling increasingly more cash to compensate for losing money 
    • Selling your assets to have more cash to bet with 
    • Thinking about gambling constantly 
    • Lying about your gambling 
    • Being incapable of stopping 
    • Borrowing from colleagues 
    • Stealing from life partner or youngsters 
    • Using bill money on gambling 
    • Taking out loans
    • Turning to crime 

    Admitting an addiction is troublesome. However, it’s a significant piece of this procedure. 

    Cut Off Funding 

    If you carry your credit cards with you to bet, close them. Shutting a Mastercard isn’t generally solid monetary guidance, however for this situation, it’s preventing you from making more debt for yourself. 

    You can even venture to such an extreme as to put a stop on your credit report with the goal that you cannot open up any new credit cards or take any loans. 

    You won’t have the option to open any sort of record that requires a credit check until you unfreeze your report. 

    Additional Gambling Isn’t the Answer 

    In many cases, gamblers accept that they can sufficiently win cash to get themselves free and clear. 

    In any case, very regularly, the opposite occurs, and you simply make more debt that you need to reimburse. 

    What’s more, for the contention, we should simply say you got fortunate and win a wager sufficiently large to cover the entirety of your gambling debt. What might you do with that cash? 

    Odds are you would bet it away once more. 

    Get Treatment 

    Check with your medical insurance provider, they may offer to cover treatment for a gambling habit. 

    What’s more, at times, your state may even compensate for the expense of recovery if your insurance won’t cover it. 

    Check with your state’s Consumer Affairs Office, they have the data you need about state gambling addiction programs. 

    Taking care of Debt 

    When you have managed your dependence, it’s an ideal opportunity to concentrate on the results of that habit: your debt. 

    Record Who You Owe 

    To start with, compose a list of everybody you owe. This could comprise of credit cards, overdrawn accounts, gambling clubs, or individuals. Each debt you can consider putting it on that list. 

    It’s simpler to make a move against your debt when you have a total perspective on all that you owe. 

    On the off chance that you owe bookies or loan sharks, you may need to get money from a companion or relative if they are undermining you to pay soon. 

    This implies you should admit to your addiction for all to hear, however when you do that, you include a degree of responsibility. You could likewise increase another emotionally supportive network. 

    Pay Off As Much As You Can Right Now 

    If you haven’t offered you valuable assets to pay for your gambling addiction, you could sell them now and utilize the cash to begin taking care of your gambling debt. 

    This incorporates things like gems, electronics, or collectibles. It is anything but a smart thought to sell your vehicle if it gets you to and from work. However, you should take a look at anything additional that you don’t require and think about offering it to take care of your debt. 

    The more you pause, the most exceedingly terrible this issue can turn out to be, particularly if bookies and loan sharks are included. 

    If you want to debt-free, then you need to save your money and pay down your debt using that money.

    You can use 2 methods to become debt-free.

    Debt Avalanche

    The debt avalanche method involves paying the minimum balance on all your debt payments and using the remaining balance to pay off the debt with the highest interest rate.

    Once you pay off the highest interest debt, then move on to the second-highest using the remaining money, which will be higher as you have less debt to pay off.

    This strategy is the fastest way to be debt-free and allows you to hay off the worst debts according to the interest rates.

    As you eliminate the highest interest debts first, you are left with more and more money.

    Debt Snowball

    The debt snowball is a different concept where you categories and pay off the smallest debts first so that you can get the satisfaction of achieving something and more likely to continue paying off your debt.

    This may not be the fastest way, but research shows that this method is followed through by people because the excitement of smaller debts being over as paying off large debts first can cause people to lose confidence and leave it halfway.

    Which method you use is up to you and how you can manage you and your money. The debt avalanche is most efficient, but debt snowball is more likely to be completed.

    Consolidate Your Debt 

    This will give you a better idea of the amount you should spend to break even with the initial investment. 

    The principle idea here is to take out one major loan and utilize that cash to take care of the entirety of your littler debts. At that point, you just owe one, the respectable lender. 

    Combination Mastercards and credits are a portion of the manners in which you can do this. On the off chance that you go the card course, search for a card that is interest-free for a set time span. 

    You could likewise select yourself in a debt management program. 

    These projects will assume control over the installments on your credit card debts and assist you with getting lower loan costs. 

    You pay that organization once consistently, and they pay the individuals you owe cash to. 

    There are credit advisors out there that will converse with you and assist you with going to a choice about which one of these alternatives is best for you. 

    Budgeting

    Ascertain how much cash you need to survive each month. On the off chance that you see any places that you could cut back on spending, do it. 

    At that point, utilize these reserve funds to take care of your debt. 

    You won’t have any idea how much cash you can use to take care of your debt on the off chance that you don’t have the foggiest idea the amount you need each month. 

    You can use an app like mint.com, YNAB, and Finart

    These apps can be used to take and classify your expenses in categories, to help you remove all the expenses that you can cut off to reduce your debt. 

    Find the Second Line of work 

    On the off chance that you’ve planned and you simply don’t have an approach to take care of your debt at the present time, you have to land another position. 

    Utilize the entirety of your profit from that activity to take care of your gambling debt. 

    Debt Settlement 

    You can offer to settle your debts with the individuals you owe cash to by offering a singular amount of installment. This lets you decline the sum you owe and dispose of the debt. 

    This alternative will likewise tank your FICO rating since loan specialists report the debt as “made do with not exactly concurred” and “settlement acknowledged” for a long time. 

    Bankruptcy

    You should just utilize bankruptcy if all else fails. In any case, in extraordinary cases, as with high gambling debt, it may be the best thing for you to do. 

    There is no guarantee that your debts will be released. In any case, your banks may see that debt as debt you took out while never aiming to repay it. 

    On the off chance that your insolvency is effective, you will have a new beginning, liberated from debt. 

    At the point when you seek financial protection, ensure you have somebody like this lawyer, who is experienced and realizes how to manage court authorities and your creditors. 

    The court gives a programmed stay when you seek financial protection, and this implies your creditors can’t endeavor to gather that debt through you any longer. They need to manage your lawyer. 

    Be that as it may, similar to we stated, this alternative is just for outrageous cases. This is because there are a lot of expenses and outcomes related to seeking financial protection. 

    Bankruptcy lawyers are costly, and it won’t spread your back taxes, student loans, divorce settlement, child alimony, or any of the fines that you owe to the administration. 

    Furthermore, it’s horrible for your credit. It will remain on your report for in any event 10 years, and you will make some hard memories making sure about an advance or fitting the bill for a Mastercard. 

    What’s more, your loan fees will soar when you do fit the bill for credit once more. 

    Escaping Gambling Debt 

    Unreasonable gambling effectively turns into a habit. At the point when you’re continually looking for some additional money to remain ‘in real life’ and are eager to utilize the cash you ought to spend on nourishment for gambling, rather, you have an issue. 

    Be that as it may, while gambling debt may feel like an unconquerable mountain, there are ways for you to get out from underneath it.

    Conclusion

    I’m a gambling addict myself; therefore, I can understand what you or your family and friends might be going through. 

    I can’t say that it is easy to overcome this addiction. Still, it is better to try to overcome this addiction instead of continuing with it.

    You have taken the first step already by reading this article, and I am proud of you for at least trying to change yourself and free yourself of gamblers addiction.

    I am proud of you.

    If you know someone who is dealing with gamblers addiction, you can help them by sharing this article with them or making them understand how to overcome the addiction using gambling-addictions.com.

  • What are the benefits of Group Therapy?

    What are the benefits of Group Therapy?

    According to research by the Scientific American, around 2 million Americans have a gambling addiction. Around 1 in 165 men will experience gambling addiction in their lifetimes compared to 1 in 500 women. An estimated 98% of action gamblers are men. The number of people addicted to gambling is quite significant, and this is an actual and serious condition. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) puts gambling addiction in the same category as substance abuse diagnoses.

    Group therapy is an effective way of overcoming gambling addiction. It may be hard enough for you to ask for help and talk to a single counsellor or therapist, let alone bare your soul to a group of strangers. You may think that you will not be given enough time to discuss your thoughts and ideas or worry about having to share personal information with strangers. The truth is quite the opposite, your group therapy culture can be like that of the wonderful feeling and trust between close friends.

     There are certain benefits to group therapy in overcoming gambling addiction.

    • Being in a group therapy environment means having several other people to support you and help you set and achieve goals toward your gambling addiction recovery. It assures you that you are not alone in this battle.
    • Another member of your group therapy might bring up a challenge with which they are dealing. You might have a similar problem, only you see the problem from your perspective. When looking at other people’s situations, you will be able to see your problem in a new light. Suddenly, something very challenging might have an easy solution.
    • Attending group therapy sessions is a great way to experiment with different helpful behaviors. You can learn new ways of thinking and relate in a safe environment before facing the real world. You will also quickly learn that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. Several people likely share your experience.
    • Working with a gambling addiction group is the most natural way to overcome your problem. We work with other people in our jobs and our families. Humans are programmed to learn and grow in the presence of peers. Why should therapy be any different?

    I am a recovering gambling addict myself. I was skeptical of group therapy at first. The idea of baring my soul in front of a room full of strangers terrified me. I would take any excuse not to go. Doing dishes and tidying the house suddenly seemed so much more interesting and appealing. But when I finally did muster up the courage it changed my life. 

    Group therapy really works. It worked for me at least. I was at a difficult point in my life when I decided to get help for my addiction. I was afraid of what was going to happen. Will I be able to overcome my addiction? What will it take? Will I be able to fully recover or will I relapse? These questions haunted me for a long time.

     In group therapy when I saw a room full of people battling the same demons as myself, it gave me hope and confidence. I was not alone, you are not alone. We don’t have to deal with this alone. We can overcome this addiction. Only the first step is hard. It took me quite a while to go but in hindsight, I should have gone sooner. Group therapy is a really helpful and effective way of overcoming gambling addiction. From my personal experience, it is the best way for gambling addiction recovery.

  • Will I Ever Be Able to Watch Sport Again?

    Will I Ever Be Able to Watch Sport Again?

    If you are a compulsive gambler, then you most likely “borrowed” from credit cards, family, friends – anywhere where money was available, hoping to fund one more bet that gets you back on track. I know, because that is exactly my story. I didn’t get the big win to get my money back, but instead a huge debt. 

    Even after admitting I am a compulsive gambler, unexpected problem occurred: complacency and listening to ‘the voice’ (‘I have things under control so it will be fine to have one bet’). Fighting with my addiction also left me wander if I will ever be able watch sport again, without having an urge to gamble.

    For many years, I used to watch football, especially big tournaments like World Cup. Watching with my friends on the weekend somewhere in the pub and having few pints was special for me. I still remember times when “real” Ronaldo was playing. For me he was the best player in the world.

    For many of us, a sporting event is an opportunity to take some time out and indulge in something entertaining on an otherwise boring weekend. Even if we don’t make it to the stadium, we make sure to watch the live broadcast of the event when our favorite team is playing. Be it soccer or horse racing, we love watching them for the sheer fun and entertainment they provide.

    But there are many others who take the fun to an addictive level—something that costs them their valuable monetary earnings and savings. That’s the horror of sports betting and gambling addiction that’s engulfing millions of people in countries like the US and the UK. Major sports leagues, such as MLB, the NHL, the NBA and the likes have become avenues where sports bettors place bets (huge ones) and seek to multiply what they put in. 

    However, the results aren’t favorable always. Since it’s a game of chance, nothing’s guaranteed and people land up losing even their fortune to the urge to gamble more till they get something out of it. Rising debts and remortgages cause them immense mental and financial distress, and take a heavy toll on their overall wellbeing. 

    The good news is there is help. People who have become aware of this destructive pattern approach professionals to break it. Some of them even land up in a rehab center where they are kept away from any opportunity to watch sport lest they feel the urge to gamble again. Most of the awakened gamblers prefer not to watch live sport again because they find the ads and content triggering enough to fall off the bandwagon. In fact, they wish betting on sport was outlawed because many people fall in the addiction trap again.

    Nonetheless, if you are a recovering gambling addict, a lot depends on your willpower. If you choose to improve and stay on track, you will soon be able to watch sports without the urge of gambling away your hard-earned money. 

    If a bar with the football on TV, or a club with your favorite  slot machine is the beginning of the gambling trigger for you, then you should avoid going there for a while. I don’t trust myself and that is why I stopped checking the sports results for a while. My biggest worry is that I will be exposed to gambling promotions during sports broadcasts and I won’t be able to resist them.

    One day I hope I will be able to watch my favorite team playing, without having an urge to gamble. I cannot wait those times when I will be able to rediscover the joy of watching football again, without being sucked to the betting nightmare again.

  • Interview with Justyn Larcombe

    Interview with Justyn Larcombe


    Friends and family are often key to encourage loved ones with gambling problems to seek help. I was lucky to have my fiancé, who was pushing me to seek professional help. She didn’t give up on me (yet), and she wanted to know everything about the addiction, that was destroying our relationship.

    After trying to learn all she could about the gambling, she discovered that there is not much support nor articles she could find for addict’s partners and their psychological and emotional health. In this difficult period, she contacted many psychologists, because she didn’t know a thing about problem gambling. She wanted to hear from many doctors what their views on this disease was, so that she could form hers. They all gave her different advices. Some said that she should leave straight away, while others told her that she shouldn’t rush with her decision. Advice she appreciated the most was that it wasn’t her fault, as partners often feel guilty and think that they did something wrong.

    One day, after coming home from work, she told me to check a TED talk she found helpful. It was “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe. It’s a story about ex-military Major that gambled his money and savings.

     A good TED talk does more than just inspires you – it changes the way you see the world, or challenges you are facing. That was exactly what I experienced. It made a huge impact on me, because for the first time, I felt relieved. I wasn’t the only one with this problem, I’m not alone.

    For my biggest surprise, my fiancé bought me a book Justyn wrote “Tails I Lose”. She knew I couldn’t afford it and how much just a short TED talk meant to me. It was the most precious gift I have ever received, because I realized she gave me the second chance and really wants to see me getting better.

    What an inspiration the book was. I realized there is always a way out, no matter how bad the problems might seem. However, after reading the book, I still had a few questions and decided to reach out to Justyn. To my surprise, he replied straight away with equally inspiring advices:

    How did you manage to win back your partner’s trust? Looking from this perspective, what would you advice compulsive gamblers who are still hiding from their partners their addiction? When and how to face their partners with the truth? 

    Justyn: One thing I always say is that it is so much better to tell your partner than for them to find out, but choose a time when you have taken some steps on the road to recovery so you can talk about the issue with some good news.Even if it’s just to say ‘this is what happened, but now I have self excluded’ or ‘now I have stopped and am going to a meeting’.Trust is so preciousand if you tell them there is a chance to keep it, if they find out, it may never come back. There are no easy solutions to life. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie. So give them time – even if it takes a few years.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to  make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if its just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if it’s just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    In the UK, 1 in 10 suicides is related to problem gambling and a problem gambler is 15 times more at risk from suicide than non gamblers. It is the shame that drives this statistic. I think it helped me to be honest and to realize I wasn’t the only one. So meeting and talking to others in a similar position – or connecting via a blog will really help!

    Justyn is the CEO of “Recovery Two” charity that is helping others to cope with gambling addiction.

    Justyn: “Recovery Two” offers recovery courses to all addicts and one of the key things we noted, as you so rightly point out, is the lack of support for those impacted by the addiction of a loved one. The focus always seems to be on the addict, there should be more support for family. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes. So we run a family support group which has been a great help to many.

    In case you need support or would like to learn more about gambling addiction, here is the link of  Justyn’s “Charity Two” where you can find needed information.

    If you would like to watch a TED talk I mentioned, here is the link:
    “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe.

    If you would like to read Justyn’s book, you can purchase it here:
    “Tails I Lose”

  • Credit Card Ban Could Be The Solution

    Credit Card Ban Could Be The Solution

    Online payments and loans are such an abstract representation of money. You can’t feel money in your hands, but instead, you just see some numbers that most certainly you cannot understand the value of as good as you would with cash.

    Betting online and paying with loaned money didn’t feel real for me. It felt as if it was just an online game without a life changing consequences. It’s funny how even when I would spend a few thousands on a single bet, I would still make sure I was buying the most reasonable priced products in the grocery stores and I wouldn’t be lazy to go an extra mile because of the discounts. It was because I could see, touch, smell and feel what I was spending money on. All my senses were involved in the “physical” purchase.

    Even though credit cards look like any other plastic card in our wallets, it really can change our lives dramatically. You can fall in its trap so easily and it can become one of the biggest supporters of our addictions.

    I started using a credit card when I misunderstood how one furniture store financing worked. The store offered a loan with a promotional introductory rate of 0% APR for the first 12 months. I understood I will get a bill every month, but instead I received a credit card with minus €800 a few days later. Getting the credit card upset me, because at the time I was cautious with my money and I knew those cards have high interest rates. After I paid off the furniture I bought, I left the credit card on a shelf and forgot about it, cause I knew how dangerous it could be.

    When I started to gamble, I was using a debit card. If I would run out of money, my only option was to wait for my next pay day. However, a few months into the addiction, I started to have intense cravings for gambling. Waiting for my next pay day became unnecessarily long and I just couldn’t wait. That is when I rediscovered my long forgotten Credit Card. It was still sitting on the shelf, waiting for some action…

    Gambling addiction is more rampant problem than you might think. It isn’t extraordinary to see millions of people around the globe to start gambling as a one-time experience but soon fall prey to its never-ending loop of winning and losing by chance. While there are many who seek professional help, there are others who go through financial distress, destructive habits and psychological health issues. 

    Major countries like the United States and United Kingdom are taking measures to curb the problem of gambling addiction. One of them is banning the use of credit cards to gamble. A huge chunk of gamblers use their credit cards to bet. But, in reality, that’s the last thing gamblers should think about doing. It may sound quite a convenient option to place bets, but it doesn’t take long for gamblers to be exposed to financial harm.

    Credit card gambling makes people gamble with money that they don’t have. It goes beyond what their pocket allows. Most of these gamblers have whopping amounts of debt on their head because credit cards were easily available and placing bets through them took very little effort. There are also many payday loan websites that offer cheap loans to gamblers. However, they land up losing money more than gaining anything, thereby just accumulating unpayable debts. 

    As such, the ban on placing bets through credit cards is likely to curb problem gambling and protect people from any sort of harm. All offline and online gambling products, except lottery tickets, will be covered under the new measure. Mortgage lenders are also warned by the Gambling Commission in the UK that problem gamblers could remortgage their homes while hiding their addiction pattern. Many charities, financial services and campaigners seem to welcome the ban because this is a measure that will surely minimize the financial risks associated with problem gambling, but also judiciously maintain the integrity of the industry.

    Speaking of credit cards, credit card companies don’t care about our financial wellbeing, just like casinos. I learned that a hard way. I started taking out little sums for my online gambling, and before I knew my card was maxed out. Looking back, using the credit card for online betting, as well as hiding the addiction from my family, were two biggest mistakes I made. I maxed out my credit cards probably 6 times, which I paid by taking loans. It’s a vicious circle that you can hardly get out of.

    Gaming operators have to act in a socially responsible way. Banning the usage of credit cards IS a solution every gambling operator has to apply and the law every country must adopt.

  • Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    You should be proud of yourself! I know that I am, because statistically only roughly 5 percent of people with gambling addiction are seeking treatment. Relapse is going to be a big part of our healing process. 

    I had one relapse, after being “clean” for a few weeks. I received an email from the betting website that offered me €20 bet. Why not, it’s a free money? Next thing I know, I lost €400, just when I was thinking I’m doing a good job with my recovery. It was very hard to accept that relapses are normal and that they don’t mean you are not on a right path of your compulsive gambling recovery.                                     

    Millions of people around the globe struggle with problem gambling. It starts with the one-time desire to try, but it doesn’t take long for a person to fall into its shackles. Once that happens, it starts off a life of destructive habits, financial distress, and mental health issues. Despite knowing the negative effects of gambling, people have an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity—just like smoking, drinking, or drug addiction.

    Once gambling addiction starts, the person who is unable to resist from betting continues to chase the “high” they get from a big win. That’s despite the string of continuous losses, cheating, lying, or even stealing money to keep gambling. In extreme cases, the addicted person tends to undergo a significant personality shift. While the person may hide his or her gambling addiction and engage in working and leading their everyday life, consequences tend to build up in the background.

    Most recovering gambling addicts tend to fall prey to the lures of gambling companies—be it financial rewards, free bets, football tickets and other perks. These are enough to draw a recovering person back to the addiction, no matter how much that costs them in terms of membership fees and losses. It happened with me to, I was constantly getting free bets from gambling companies.

    A relapse of gambling addiction is not a verdict of failure. One should know that relapses don’t occur because a treatment hasn’t failed, or because the person lacks willpower to quit the habit. Relapse, albeit being unpleasant, is an essential learning point for recovering gambling addicts. If addressed properly, it becomes a powerful experience for the recovery process. 

    Undesirable relapses of gambling addiction are common in the recovery process. Also, they can be overwhelming for both, the recovering addict, as well as their near and dear ones. However, one should not confuse a relapse with a slip. A slip is a single unplanned gambling incident; the person briefly engages in the activity, but instantly regrets the move and stops it immediately. On the other hand, a relapse is a return to gambling after not doing it for a long period. If you slip back into addiction, it’s a sign that it’s time to re-evaluate your goal to stop gambling and change your recovery strategy. 

    Dealing with my addiction and all that I have caused has been hard, especially after seeing how much I hurt my fiancé. I hurt her tremendously. Finding her in tears when she thought no one was watching her, made me feel devastated, suicidal at times. We went through a difficult period when she found out and we’re still struggling. Thoughts about how our life would be if I wasn’t a gambler are hunting me constantly. 

    Gambling addiction is a serious disease that will try to sneak up on us when we least expect. Just because you had a relapse doesn’t mean you have to or will keep on betting. Gambling relapse triggers will never entirely disappear. I’m trying to protect my recovery by recognizing the triggers and not falling for them. I decided to go for a run or a walk whenever I have an urge to bet. So far, I had one relapse and 50 km of running and walking.

    Because of COVID 19, there are no games I could bet on. Casinos are closed, so currently I don’t have an urge to bet, because there is nothing I could bet on. Let’s see if things will change when restrictions get lifted. However, if I do end up having relapses in the future, or if you do, then we will have to change our recovery strategy and talk honestly with our therapists/support group, cause only with the help of professionals we can beat this disease.

    Good luck mate, and let me know if I can help you anyhow!

  • Betting Companies Are Ruining Our Lives

    Betting Companies Are Ruining Our Lives

    Imagine this: you are sitting on the porch of your cottage on the Saturday morning. There is a  morning breeze and you can hear birds singing. Your wife is making pancakes in the kitchen and you can hear kids’ laughter while they are playing with the dog. After the breakfast, you start walking towards your boat, witch you prepared for fishing the previous evening. You know that your friends will come for sauna that evening and you feel so happy and accomplished  after working all week in the restaurant… 

    That was my dream and I was working very hard to make it come true. That dream was shattered after my gambling addiction. All what’s left is broken man, who just lost everything what was dear to him. 

    After getting myself into gambling debt, I started thinking how well the  betting companies are actually doing. I wanted to know everything about the gambling industry. I wanted to know where was my money going.

    The world’s first-ever online casino was launched in 1996. Quite recent, right? Today online gambling is one of the fastest growing sectors. It generates around billions in annual revenues and is growing rapidly. Nowadays we have thousands of online casinos.

    I can assure you that betting sites were loving me. I felt so special when one betting site made me a VIP customer. To reach VIP status, you need to be very active and gamble with large amounts of money on the available games. Because I was spending a lot of money, they give me in return free bets frequently. Getting better odds from them too was just icing on the cake. I even had a dedicated account manager sending me emails, asking if I’m happy with my faster banking and  higher betting limits. 

    Strange to think that before my addiction went out of hands, I was thinking my gym membership was expensive (it was €45). Now I was feeding my VIP membership with €4000 a month. What a change in my thinking. How did this happen? Betting companies must be doing well if they have more costumers like me. I needed to know how well betting companies actually are doing. After countless hours spent on research, I made some discoveries. 

    Just like alcohol, drugs or any other addictive substances people fall prey to. Gambling addiction is a real concern facing countries where all or at least some form of gambling is legalized. The multi-billion-dollar gambling industry provides casino gambling and sports betting formats, either in land-based settings or through mobile devices—something that’s engulfed a huge chunk of the world population in their shackles.

    While it’s quite a lucrative and interesting industry, which puts people’s luck to the test, there are inevitable ills that come with it. The gambling operators rely on hefty membership fees from people—from VIPs to the middle-class stratum of society—who wish to participate in various games of chance. Not to forget, online casinos and bookmakers are increasingly leveraging third-parties to extract people’s data that allows for wider promotions of gambling offers. 

    It’s true that traditional online gambling has become costlier than before, but operators are switching to other alternatives to keep consumers hooked. Data on people’s age, income, credit card information, and insurance are used to tailor advertisements and target people through emails. 

    Gambling companies reward gamblers in different ways. Gamblers are the ones who habitually land up losing whopping sums of money by falling prey to perks such as cash back on losing wagers, free bets, or even football tickets. These companies use “dynamic retargeting,” which allows them to winnow out people who have not gambled for some time and lure them into falling off the bandwagon. I was often receiving emails from betting companies, telling me they haven’t seen me for a few days and that they wanted to give me free bets. I accepted all of them straight away.

    Even if some people have put a self-restriction on gambling, these companies are able to potentially lure them back, thus lessening the power of industry schemes. If one is lucky, they can win a fortune. But if one isn’t, they land up losing all they have. Even when I admitted to myself, family and friends that I have a gambling problem, and that I lost €50 000, I was still convinced that I am a very successful gambler. I was constantly thinking how I won more than half of bets, without understanding that I have actually lost everything, even money that didn’t belong to me.

    The constant urge to try their luck puts people in a vicious loop that enslaves them to gambling companies. Yes, these companies are doing well, but at the cost of people’s hard-earned money, while also taking advantage of their addictive psychological patterns. An increasing trend is online casinos and sport betting games, witch due to lack of advertising restriction do not seem very harmful to young people. In my experience they are very much capable to ruin your life. I know that because it ruined my life. 

  • Becoming a Gambler

    Becoming a Gambler

    Did you know that Tesla and Dostoyevsky were also gambling addicts? Tesla lost his tuition money, had a nervous breakdown and dropped out of school. Dostoyevsky’s “Gambler” is semi-autobiographical.*
    Learning that such great minds had the same problem as me was somewhat comforting, it made me stop questioning my intelligence and made me realize it is a disease that I need to fight.

    Occasional bets on English Premiere league started 2017, when I would visit Casino with my friends. In the beginning, I would never spend more than €20 per month. I didn’t see this as a problem, because it was really just for fun. Everything changed when I discovered online Casinos 2018. 

    As I mentioned in the previous post, I am a huge football fan and I am following results religiously. All the websites, that I visit to check the latest scores, have flashy banners advertising betting with free money that you can use for the first bet. Those websites are flooded with odds for the upcoming matches everywhere. I noticed those banners, but have never really paid attention, nor I considered betting, as I saw them as scams. However, one day at work, I’ve heard a few colleagues talking about online betting and how they won. Knowing that the colleagues I respected are betting online, probably gave me subconsciously a green light to try my luck too. I had nothing to lose, I was thinking, because I started with a free bet from the flashy banner. I don’t even remember if I won. I just remember how convenient it was. I didn’t have to dress up, go to Casino nor talk to others – I could play from my own sofa. 

    Without me noticing, after 3 months, my bets got bigger. I was putting about €200 for a single bet. I started becoming addicted to the adrenalin rush I was having whenever I would place a bet. What I was doing was wrong, I knew, but I couldn’t stop anymore.

    Without the doubt, the worst supporter of the growing addiction was my credit card with a possibility of €4600 overdraft. I often wonder if I would mess up my life this much if I didn’t have a credit card. Would I find another way to become a problem gambler? Did the credit card speed up inevitable or none of this would happen if I didn’t have it?

    Using credit card was too easy. It didn’t feel like it was real money. Before I knew it, my credit card was maxed out. As interest was so big, I thought it’s better to take a loan from another bank, because of the smaller interest. The panic I felt, because of the minus, was gone. I felt great and I decided to quit gambling. However, after a week, I was back to my old habits.

    As my addiction was growing, so did the bets. I remember, once I was in the toilet watching a football match (around six months into online betting). Since I was soo sure about the result, I bet €1300. I lost. The panic started kicking in and I had to get my money back. I made another bet for €1000 euros right away. My heart was pounding and I was sweating like crazy while waiting for the results. I lost again. Coming out of the toilet was heartbreaking. I lost €2300 in 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe what happened. I lost my monthly salary and my credit card was getting empty again. 

    No one knew about my gambling addiction. No one knew I was taking loans. My fiancé and I never joined bank accounts, so there was no way for her to find out. Deep inside I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I was so sure big winnings were around the corner, that I could beat the system and that the next time luck will be on my side.

    In the next post, you can read how my addiction grew together with my dept.  

    *Resoruces: “Nikola Tesla, My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla”
    https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/from-the-gambler-within-dostoyevskys-the-gambler/D7ACB14B9EAD00EB8EF65512C28EADAA/core-reader

  • Neck Deep in Debt

    Neck Deep in Debt

    According to National Council on Problem Gambling the average gambler may have personal debts up to $90,000. I owe to banks €50 000, but their high interest rates and charges are likely to make the situation worse.

    Taking loans online is extremely easy, at least in Finland. If you provided the bank with a pay slip, it takes ca.10 minutes to get one. I was still working as a head chef full time, so at least I had my pay slips. In two years of active gambling, I took seven bank loans. The interest rates were high, but that was the only quick solution I could think of to pay my credit card and bills. Instead of stopping once the bills were paid, I would spend remaining money on gambling. It was a vicious circle and I got hooked. I could’t and didn’t know how to stop.

    The tension I felt every day was horrible. I was constantly thinking and calculating which loan to repay first. Since I was panicking so much and wanted to get my money back, I started making bets in every possible sport I could think of, even some tennis and rugby games I never watched before. I was making bets for all the leagues from Australia, Japan, Brazil… You name it, I was betting all of them. I even placed a bet for Eurovision song contest. 

    Worst of all, I completely lost the value for money. A bit over a year into betting, it took me one week to spend the loan of €4000, but later I was spending €3000 a day. I was constantly jumping from one betting site to another, checking who will give me better odds. On the rare occasions, when I didn’t have anything to bet on, I felt empty and bored.

    The greater the embarrassment and guilt because of betting were, the stronger defense mechanisms I developed. What an amazing liar I became. In a split second I could come up with a lie. My fiancé started noticing my mood changes and depression. She asked me countless times why I am getting angry so easily and why I am checking my phone constantly. I gave her lousy excuses that she didn’t believe in. She actually taught it was my way of escaping the disappointment we both felt because we couldn’t get pregnant for a few years. 

    The last summer, my fiancé went to visit her family without me, for two weeks. I thought I would feel free, because she wasn’t at home and I would have more time to gamble. Instead, I felt trapped and became so depressed, that I couldn’t get out of bed. I had no idea how to return the debt. Those two weeks were the loneliest in my life.

    At some point I remember calling her admitting I couldn’t get out of bed, without disclosing the real reason. I never had a courage to tell her the truth, because of the great fear of being judged and dumped. I was sure I’m strong enough to get through this by myself. 

    She was so worried that she convinced me to see a psychologist. I agreed, because the doctor was provided for free through the health insurance from my work. The doctor was an older man that asked me if I was still betting. I told him I stopped. The same evening I lost €700. I never visited him again, but the positive outcome of that meeting was the explanation I got about Finnish financial support systems that I will talk more about in one of the next posts.

    Not just that I became a liar, but I started hiding everything around our house that could make my fiancé suspicious. For example, I was rushing home every day, so that she wouldn’t see our mail and all the bills I was getting from seven different banks. 

    Finally, I spent all the loans, while bills were piling up. I couldn’t pay my share of the rent and I had no idea what to do. I tried to take more loans countless times, but all the banks rejected me, since I didn’t repay previous loans. I started asking at work if I could get my salary in advance, thinking that I can double it with the next bet. If I had some real estate, I would have sold it.

    The first time I couldn’t pay the rent, my fiancé realized something went terribly wrong. She started asking me questions and wanted to see my bank statement. I managed to come up with lies that calmed her down. I even showed her fake bank account statement. She believed me and it made me feel so much worse, because she didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t want to lose her by telling her the truth, and I was worried our days together are numbered. That month, she payed our common bills.

    Even at times when I didn’t have money to pay the bills, I couldn’t stop thinking about gambling. When I would get a salary, I would spend it online, hoping that the next win is around the corner. I was still sure I can beat the system and win all my money back.

    The next month was the same – I couldn’t pay my share of the rent. However, this time my fiancé  was absolutely sure I was hiding something, so she started pressuring me to reveal the truth. Finally, she pushed me so much and I told her everything.

    Solutions Available for Gambling Debts


    In the next post you can read about how my fiancé reacted and how nothing was as I anticipated.

    3  ways to getout of gambling debt.


    Disclaimer:
    I’m writing this from my own experience. I’m not a doctor or financial advisor. All the advices I will write are the ones I wish I got before it was too late. 


    Don’t use credit cards!

    I truly hope that many countries will follow UK’s example. As of 14th of April 2020, they put a ban on credit card usage for online gambling.

    Tell someone about your problem!

    What we have is a serious illness that is impacting not only our lives in ever possible way, but also lives of our loved ones. The sooner you tell them, the sooner everyone will be able to move forward and make the best decisions for themselves.

    Seek financial assistance!

    I contacted free debt counseling service providers to discuss my situation. With their help, I learned about the best solutions to move forward.

    Don’t be hard on yourself! It’s not about what we lost, it’s all about the next right move. We can do this and we can all beat this addiction that is ruining our lives!

    Advice for families and friends

    If you are suspicious and think your loved one has financial problems, he or she most likely has. If you notice change in the behavior, don’t assume what the reasons are, but ask questions instead. Ask until you know the truth. 

    If you find out that your loved one is a compulsive gambler, it will probably completely change the perception of your past, present and future. All the plans you had might vanish. You will loose trust. However, please always remember one thing:

    He or she is a gambler, but s/he is still the same person you love dearly, with all the same fears, hopes and qualities. You got to know another side that you didn’t know existed and that side will need your help. S/he is equally lost and scared as you are.

    Gambling addiction is a curable disease that only with a help of professionals can be overcome. It is not your responsibility to cure them, but the most important thing you can do is to guide your dear person and help her or him to see the advantages of the therapy and psychologists.

    Take just one step at a time and don’t forget to take very good care of yourself.

  • My Life Before a Gambling Addiction

    My Life Before a Gambling Addiction

    I was born in Estonia, in the beginning of ‘80s. I really want to skip the part where we were living in soviet times, when there were no possibilities to travel abroad or to buy groceries without a coupon. My childhood was happy, especially because we didn’t have mobile phones or computers. Life was somehow easier compare to nowadays, where access to bank loans and betting are just a click away. It seems to me, in that sense, you had less chances to ruin your life.

    At school, I was terribly bored. I wasn’t the best student and was sometimes receiving remarks from teachers about being late and not paying enough attention in classes. My favorite hobbies were playing basketball and football, fishing and cooking. Actually, for as long as I can remember I loved cooking, so it was clear for me that I wanted to be a chef when I grow up. Therefore, I finished cooking college and became a chef.

    Moving to Ireland 

    As you will see, I was making quite a few questionable decisions in my life. The first one, that will change the course of my life forever, was when I decided to live and work as a chef in Ireland when I was 19 years old and didn’t speak a word of English. Here is why I decided to make such a radical move.

    I have to thank my parents for giving me so much freedom (maybe sometimes too much) when I was in my teenage years. Being on my own, without much control from parents, was becoming a problem, because I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. All of my friends where drinking a lot. Being young, inexperienced, with a need to fit in, I didn’t want to say no to temptations. After many hangover mornings and some visits to police stations, I realized that I have to get out of that circle. 

    Being desperate for a change, I took a risk and applied for a job in Ireland through one agency in Tallinn, where both the accommodation and job were provided. I don’t know how, but I got accepted barely knowing a word of English. Maybe they thought chefs don’t talk to customers? I was so nervous for going there, but at the same time excited because of the fresh start. I was hoping that being fluent in Estonian, Russian and German will be enough to get me started, together with €100 my pocket. 


    Going to Ireland, was the first time I was leaving the country, first time at the airport and the first ride on the plane. I remember sitting at airport in Tallinn, thinking “what am I doing now, is this really happening?“, hoping that I’m going to be fine and that I made a good decision. It’s amazing how some thoughts stay with us forever.

    From the moment the plane landed, I fell in love with Ireland, especially Dublin. Everything was so green and people were warm and positive. I thought this city could become my home and it did, for the next seven years.


    The first disappointment came a few days after I landed, when I realized that the Estonian agency put me to work in “Abrakebabra”, a fast food restaurant. I was promised to work for a fancy restaurant, because I finished culinary college and got a degree. I couldn’t change the job, because my residence permit was connected to it. I lived in a house together with six other people who were in the same situation. At least I got my own room and I quickly adapted to this arrangement.

    The Irish pub culture surprised me. It was very popular for all the workers to go after work for a pint…every day. After a while, I got used to this too, as well as to partying hard.

    It was quite easy for me to make new friends, also because of my love to both watching and playing football. I’ve been Manchester United supporter all my life.

    A memory, that taught me to be extra careful with the expression of my passion, was when one day, wearing proudly my clubs red t-shirt, I walked into the local pub I didn’t visit before. Suddenly, like in a movies, the place went quiet. Everybody was staring at me and I wasn’t sure what was going on. While ordering a pint I noticed that this was Liverpool supporters’ pub. Next thing I remember, was me running out as fast as I could. Luckily, nothing bad happened.

    In Ireland I made my first bet. A few of my friends and I were in a pub when someone noticed horse race on a screen. We all decided to try our luck and make a bet. I didn’t know anything about betting, not even terms like “odds” or “even money”. Standing there, in front of the bookie, listening how he passionately tried to explain the ways we can spend our money, I thought I have nothing to lose. He said that we can still win, even tho the horse we put a bet on lost. The next thing I remember was that I had 50 euros in my hand which I put on the horse called “Russian Roulette” (10 to 1 where odds for that horse). 5 minutes later, I was standing with 500 euros in my hand. “Easy money”, I was thinking, but I didn’t have an urge to gamble again. That was the first and last time I gambled in Ireland. The urge didn’t come in Australia either, where I moved next.

    Moving To Australia

    Even though life in Ireland was nice, with secured job and good friends, it wasn’t enough and I needed a change. I was getting sick of the rainy whether and short summers. I needed some warmer climate and was sure that “grass was greener” elsewhere. Luckily, my best friend thought exactly the same and liked adventures as much as I did, so we decided to go together to Darwin, Australia next. We flew there with only a luggage, fishing rod and €1000 of savings, hoping we will find a job straight away.

     
    I could write countless pages about my experiences in Australia. For instance, job hunting, working for prestige restaurants, spending time with aboriginal community, going to work in the meat factory and getting arrested, traveling to Bali and Philippines, living in a truck and tents with my best friend for a few months, working on a boat for a multi-millionaire, being offered a modeling job from respected scout that I rejected, having a car accident… but I will leave them for some other posts, because now I just want to give you a brief overview of how I was living my life before it became “possessed” by gambling.

    After three years, our visa expired and we had to decide where to go next. My plan was to move closer to my home country and start to think seriously about my future. I was 30 years old.

    Moving To Finland

    I decided to go to Finland, because I had better chances to make savings than in Estonia, and at the same time, I would be able to visit my family more frequently, which I was missing.

    It was hard to start again from scratch, the third time in 10 years. I barely knew Finnish, just had some basic knowledge from the Elementary school, had no savings, job, friends, and I was pissed, cause I actually never wanted to leave Australia.

    First few months in Helsinki, I was very insecure. I doubted my skills as a chef, so I started my career in Finland as a dishwasher. It was easier. I didn’t have to stress or think much about it, but I was in the kitchen and could see how different it is compared to what I was used to. After 3 months, I grew stronger, gained confidence, and started to work again as a chef. My biggest achievement, was that I managed to finish the prestige culinary college in Helsinki and became officially a head chef. 


    Compared to crazy days in Australia, my life in Finland became quite opposite. It was way calmer, maybe even boring. I was doing lots of sports, rediscovered my love for hiking, fishing and camping. 

    Finnish and Estonian cultures are similar, but being abroad for so many years, I forgot how cold we can be. It is harder to approach people and make friends. It took me some time before I managed to make few friends.

    I wasn’t happy. I was putting myself under a lot of pressure, because I didn’t have any savings or girlfriend. I did have countless experiences, but they couldn’t get me a car or house that I started dreaming of.


    After working hard for a few years I finally managed to make savings. I could finally afford to buy a car, Volvo C30, and I think I was the proudest owner. Four years after moving to Finland, I met beautiful Serbian girl, who stayed and worked in Helsinki, after her Master studies. Three years later, I proposed to her and she said “Yes!”. We wanted to expand our family and equally wanted a baby. Life was amazing again, at least I thought.


    In the next blog post, I will tell you how I started to gamble and when I realized I have an addiction.