Gambling Addictions

Tag: mental health

  • How To Regain Trust of Loved Ones After Gambling Addiction Recovery

    How To Regain Trust of Loved Ones After Gambling Addiction Recovery

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to  make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if its just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    Trust is the most fragile thing in a relationship, but it is also the foundation of any relationship. Relationships that are rooted in trust have the potential to keep going even when you’re separated from your loved ones. Lies and empty promises are termites to any relationship that made it empty from inside and damage the trust between family members or loved ones. It’s very hard to regain trust once it’s salvaged because of the sense of insecurity from that person will always be dominant on thoughts. It is only possible is both parties are committed to the relationship and want to be together again. 

    Addiction is one of the root causes that salvage trust in a relationship, and gambling is a form of addiction that not only destroys a relationship but also make you feel miserable. Recovering from this addiction is a war in itself but regaining the trust of your loved ones once you’re recovered is the real fight. Especially, if you’re a couple of gambling will push you so far apart from your partner that it becomes very difficult to regain that same level of affection even after your recovery. 

    How to Regain Trust in a Relationship After Gambling Addiction?

    Addicts become so sensitive to feeling that they confuse love with hatred sometimes and left all the hope of recovery, but very few of them take stand for themselves and try to improve themselves for ones they care about. As I recovered addict, I can quote that,

    Addicts always suffer from frustration and want to do things fast. Their biggest fear is they won’t get accepted twice and, in most cases, It is true. 

    So, as much as an addict need to give time and efforts to regain trust, his/her partner must do the same in order for the process to work out. First things first, what an addict must do is to,

    • Find ways through which their loved ones can accept him/her. They need to be honest, promising, and modest for a considerable amount of time in order, to get accepted back in a relationship.
    • After recovery, an addict’s inner urges will eventually try to unleash but beware of your trigger points and try your best to avoid the situations that will make you gamble again.
    • Keep telling your partner that you’re an improved version of yourself and don’t need surveillance anymore, but if your partner feels like, he/she can keep an eye on you until they are satisfied.
    • Once in a week, surprise your partner and make him/her realize that you’re not an addict anymore.
    • Always be patient because it takes time to restore something that is broken and trust me when I say, Trust Is Very Hard To Come By.

    What You Must Do To Regain Trust In Relationship?

    You might have heard the phrase, “Trust Goes Both ways”. Yes! It’s very true. Although it’s a long-shot scenario, but if your partner is willing to give you a second chance, then it might work out if you follow some pretty basic tips to regain the trust. However, it also depends on your commitment to the task only 4/10 relationships are bounded back after the addiction, and this is only because they are fully committed on both ends. I might say,

    If your partner is willing to give you a second chance and you want to spend your life with the same person, then this is it, this is the spark you need to start over. 

    Following are some tips that might come in handy but remember patience & commitment is the key to restore the balance and trust in a relationship. Give time and space to your partner to think over your situation and decide what’s best for their future.

    1. Be a Man of Your Word

    Honesty is the first step in the strong foundation of any relationship. Until you prove that you’re a man of your word, any effort to regain trust will fail. Due to the overwhelming situation of your loved ones, they will be desperate to give you a chance to prove yourself. Make them realize each day that you’re a better man now by living up to your words. Here I might add,

    Your honesty alone will make them realize that you’re trying to improve so, be sure to make the only promises that you can live up to. 

    2. Communicate With Your Loved Ones

    You don’t to be alone anymore. It’s a sign that you are withdrawing and need space, but in reality, you want to bound and communicate with others. You want to share your emotions and express your feelings. Try to re-establish communication with your partner and loved ones. It will ensure that you want to build trust and honesty in a relationship by sharing your feelings. 

    3. Create & Follow a Healthy Routine

    Addiction wreaks havoc on your mind and body. It does matter whether the addiction is of drugs or gambling. It will make your body physically weak and mind mentally ill. So, after you’re recovery, everyone will be expecting to follow a healthy diet and routine form you. If you are truly committed to making the most of your second chance, then make sure to follow a healthy routine. This may include,

    1. Early morning exercise 

    2. Regular sleep cycle

    3. Attending therapy or group sessions regularly

    4. Eating a healthy diet

    5. Giving time to family & friends

    This will not only make you physically fit but also helps in improving your mental capacity. Moreover, this may be the turning point in your relationship, and finally, your loved ones start trusting you once again. 

    4. Have Patience 

    Perhaps the most irritating and struggling phase in rebuilding the trust in a relationship. This is where most of the couples lost their motion of going on because it is only so long you can wait for someone. But if your patient enough to bear all the misfortunes of your love ones, then it may be a blessing in disguise for him/her. Slowly, the recovering addict will feel your efforts and give in his/her bad habits. 

    The reality is that it’s going to be a long process to earn [your loved ones’] trust back…you’re not going to be able to earn everybody’s trust in one day. You need to earn your own trust first and work from there.

    Reference: Niko McManus, Mental Health Counseling Intern

    Get Professional Help In The Matter

    If you’re willing to follow above-mentioned point than you can work on building a happier, honest and healthier relationship. But then again you will have to stay committed with each other and give each other enough time to form new boundaries of trust. 

    Getting professional help in the matter would probably the kick start you might need in the beginning but remember,

    When you seek guidance from a therapist or counsellor, don’t withhold any information that can cause hurdle in building the foundation of a strong relationship. 

    Besides talking to a therapist, you can share your story with me on my website, and I would love to help you out in the process. I was also a gambling addict and on my website https://gambling-addictions.com/. I share of struggling addicts and persons who had successfully improved their lives after recovery. Share your experience and tell people what is the core reason that causes hurdle to regain trust even after the gambling addiction recovery. Maybe you can help out someone like us recovering addicts cope with the situation. 

  • Can You Deal With The Problem Of Gambling On Your Own?

    Can You Deal With The Problem Of Gambling On Your Own?

    Gambling is worst in all forms, but online gambling is destructive in a literal sense. With no monitoring, no limits to gambling and no need of physical location online gambling slowly take over control to your mind and eventually your life. Pathological gambling is the most dreadful of all forms of gambling because, in this situation, the subjects lose the ability to control their gambling habit, which leads to physiological issues. It also activates the brain’s reward system, similar to what happens when the body is under the influence of drugs. However, anyone can quit gambling with self-control and with the help of some online tools and apps. 

    Taking from someone who had been down to the same road of gambling and recovered. I would recommend you tend to your gambling issue before it’s too late. To help you guys understand the ground realities of recovery and cope with you gambling habit. I have compiled a list of do able activities that will help you quit gambling on your own with a little foreign help.

    There are some hooks that can help you along the way, 

    • Recognize the issue
    • Cope with it
    • Manage your gambling triggers
    • Use online tools to block gambling sites
    • Get help & support

    1. Recognize The Issue

    Admitting the problem is the first step towards the solution. If you recoinage your gambling habit and signs of your problem, then you can surely learn from them and modify your behavior accordingly. 

    • Signs of gambling includes, 
      • Getting thrills from taking gambling risks.
      • Spending more time on online gambling sites.
      • Use gambling to escape from anxiety and issues.
      • Feeling guilt or remorse after gambling.
    • Consequences of Gambling,
      • Financial issues.
      • Relationship problems.
      • Legal issues.
      • Mental health issues.

    Once you understand the grim reality of the problem, you will start thinking about the problem on your own.

    2. Coping With The Issue

    Excessive gambling can cause personal and professional issues. So, what exactly you can do to stop yourself from gambling? Pay attention to the following things!

    • Change your habits,
      • Don’t lose time from your work.
      • Pay your bills on time.
      • Don’t use credit card next time you gamble.
      • Make a list of your gambling habits and start quitting them one by one.
    • Be honest about your gambling,
      • Keep tally of your budgets.
      • List your debts for motivation.
      • Admit about your gambling and think about your future.
      • Think of what you could buy with all that gambling money.

    3. Manage Your Gambling Triggers

    Knowing what might trigger your impulse to gamble could sincerely help your way to recovery. These triggers could be thoughts, sensations, situations, behaviors and feelings which make you gamble. List your triggers as,

    • Keep a thought journal and list,
      • Your desire to gamble.
      • Write your thoughts when you think about gambling.
      • Do negative emotions like sorrow or stress trigger your gambling?
      • Do you gamble in excitement?
      • Does listening to music help you forget about gambling?
    • Avoid gambling environment,
      • Suppose your friend suggests about gambling or a trip to a casino. Suggest him some other fun activity to distract your thoughts.  
      • Avoid passing by gambling halls and visiting gambling sites.
      • Avoid encountering gambling environment and betting scenes.
    • Limit your use of drugs and alcohol.
    • Increase your impulse control to gambling.

    4. Use Apps & Tools To Block Gambling Sites

    These applications and blocking software are specifically designed to keep your gambling urges in check. These apps and tools are meant to promote awareness about the deadly effects of gambling habit and related issues. These applications include,

    • Betfilter
    • The Cassava App
    • Recoverybox App
    • Addiction Alert App

    These applications are readily available on Android and Apple stores. The applications are very useful in breaking the addiction and could save anyone from gambling. 

    The other possible way is to block all links or access to gambling sites by using some gambling software like. 

    • Gamban
    • Gamblock
    • Betblocker

    5. Get Help & Support

    When you run out all the options to stop yourself from gambling. Therapy and professional help could probably get you somewhere. 

    Explore Social Support: It is always helpful when addicts get attention from their loved ones. It could be an integral factor in your recovery.

    • Tell your family about your issue and see how they react. Call them for support and attention you need to get ahold of your recovery.
    • Indulge your friends and tell them about your gambling habit. They will be a great help to keep you distracted from gambling triggers. 

    Join Support Groups: In situations like this, supports groups are always a suitable option to talk freely about how you feel about your gambling habit. It will also help you encounter individuals with a similar issue, and you will feel less alone. 

    Concern With a Therapist: Professional helpis significant if your issue is critical and you can’t face it alone. If your habit is severe than probably all of your companions will bailout, and you will find yourself alone in the darkest corner of your destructive habit. Calling a professional for help might be the kick you need to get on your track of recovery.

    The Bottom Line

    Gambling is a severe issue, and a gambling habit can’t be neglected in any case. You might think that you can control your impulses and it is right in the beginning, but as you play along with this habit, it forces itself upon your mind. Eventually, like a pathogen, it devours its host from inside and leaving a shell with no emotions, will power and reasoning capability. I have been down to the oblivion of this habit and found myself cornered. Though my consciousness was alive, but I can’t seem to correct myself.

    That’s why I promised myself whenever; I will get free of this despair, I will share my story and tips to others so that they might get help and save themselves. Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ for useful tips and stories that will motivate you to quit this disastrous habit. 

  • Part Two: My Partner is a Gambler

    Part Two: My Partner is a Gambler

    Written by my fiancé

    My fiancé agreed to write about how finding out about my addiction was for her. I think this is the only proper and honest way my readers can have the full picture on how a life of a family gets ruined by a gambling addiction. This is her side of our story, the second part:

    Part Two:

    I have two Master Degrees in design and up until now I have considered myself well educated. Yet I knew nothing about addictions and gambling. No one from my family had that problem. I felt so angry that all the schools that I finished didn’t teach me anything about dealing with mental illnesses and “earthquakes” in life that shake and ruin all we thought we knew so well.

    Giving Uri two weeks to move out put additional pressure on me. I had no idea how to deal with problems I was facing. The love of my life, my fiancé, the future dad of my kids, was so terribly ill and I was kicking him out, cause I didn’t know what to do. I was absolutely sure he didn’t love me and that I failed as a partner, cause he chose to hide his problems from me.

    Is gambling really an illness or just a sign of weak character? If he broke the leg, would I cancel the IVF and tell him to move out? What is compulsive gambling? Is it curable? Why was the doctor from IVF clinic telling me that gambling is not a big deal? Why was she telling me that I should support him in his recovery? Why didn’t she see his illness as a big deal? I was so confused.

    I told my sister about Uri’s secret. She got so mad and upset, saying he should be happy we didn’t live in the same city. She hated him from the bottom of her heart.

    I felt so ashamed. All my life I was living respecting everyone and everything, following all the rules. Getting drunk was still something I have never experienced, because I just never liked the taste of alcohol and dizziness I would feel. I have never broken any rule and have never taken any risky move, especially not financially. Now being with Uri felt as if he is doing all I never wanted to experience.

    The first week, after I found out, was extremely hard for me. I felt unbearable anxiety because I told him to move out, yet I didn’t know a thing about a gambling addiction. I decided to contact 3 psychologists an hear what they have to say. The first one screamed, saying that I should leave him immediately and consider getting back in touch after a year, when he potentially solved his issues. She said that the gambling addiction is one of the hardest, cause addicts don’t feel any consequences on their body, as they would with alcohol or narcotics, so that their bodies cannot benefit from getting rid of toxins. The doctor said it will be extremely hard for me to live with him because of all the mood changes and that I don’t need that in my life. I am young and can find someone who will be better for me. I cried so much after meeting that doctor and have decided I will never contact her again, cause her approach was too radical and not something I wanted to hear.

    The second and third psychologists had the same view on the matter. They said it’s a disease and should be treated as such. It’s not something you can see, feel or touch, but is something that can be worked on with proper therapy. They said no one knows if it will be cured and to what extend, but everything is possible. They have also said that it is amazing he admitted it and is willing to go to therapies, cause that’s a huge step that many gamblers don’t take. They told me to take one step at a time and that he doesn’t need to move out until I make up my mind and make decisions about how I want to proceed.

    I told Uri I don’t want him to move out yet and that I need more time to think. That immediately lowered my anxiety and gave me piece. Now I “just” needed to figure out how I wanted to proceed which became one of the hardest tasks in my life..

    Unfortunately, right after that shocking event, COVID 19 pandemic started, over which Uri lost his job, since the restaurants closed down. Even if I decided I didn’t want to continue the relationship with him (which I didn’t), we couldn’t separate, cause our families lived in other countries, borders were closed and people stopped seeing each other because of the lockdowns. We decided to keep on living together until we feel more stable and back to some kind of normal.

    Fast forward to 6 months from when I found out about his illness… I learned so much about the addictions, because that was the only way I could help both me and him. To this day it’s not clear for me if we will have future together and if we are good for each other. I still didn’t make decision if I wanted a relationship with him. It seems impossible because of all the fears and questions I have, but that I don’t have an answer to. We are still living together, but as roommates. For some reason, he is so angry at me, because he thinks I didn’t support him enough. I gave my best, but all the expectations I had regarding his recovery both mental and financial made it so hard for both of us. He constantly felt as if he is not good enough for me and I felt completely neglected and alone. I couldn’t understand why he stopped kissing and hugging me. Psychologist, that I kept on seeing all these moths told me that I have to initiate close contact, because he must feel as if he completely lost his identity by revealing his secrets and that he is absolutely insecure. However, I thought that our relationship became one sided as he didn’t put any effort and didn’t care about my feelings at all. He didn’t make any financial recovery plan that would give me some understanding on how our future might look like and how much he would be able to provide monthly. E.g. what if we decided to proceed with IVF treatment, who would be paying for it, how would he be able to support our potential baby? To this day all those questions remained unanswered and are making me feel very uncertain about his abilities to take care of me, his family and of his love for me. If he loved me and if he cared for me, wouldn’t he first make sure I am feeling safe and not this much in dark about his plans and future?

    I am trying to understand him, to help and support him as much as I can, but at the same time I shifted my focus from him to me. All that I tried to do, all the numbers I called, all the information I gathered feels to me was waisted. I am sure he will do all that is necessary, but in his own pace, not mine. We are not the same and it was wrong from me to expect he will fix his problem as I would.

    All I can do now is to hope and pray he will manage to fight his demons and will come out of it stronger than he ever was. In the meantime I will focus on myself and take necessary steps that will improve my life.

    Advice for gamblers:
    I know you are going through so much, I really do. There are so many new things that you have to do, like group therapies, talking to psychologists, dealing with all new emotions that come with facing with addiction… However, try to make some room for your loved ones. They are going through equally hard times. Their lives have changed dramatically too. Maybe you’re not good conversationist, but that shouldn’t stop you trying to talk to your family. Tell them how you feel every day, so that they would be able to understand you better. Don’t let them make assumptions about anything, but talk, talk, talk and I promise you, the more you try the better you will become. It’s not about the perfection, it’s about the progress. Your loved ones deserve to know everything, because they too have just one life that they are trying to live as best as they can. We all should respect time we are all spending together and dreams the others are having. Be open and honest, so that your family can fight this together with you, with the right information. You’re in this together!

    I wish you all the strength to fight this disease. Never doubt your worth or intelligence! You are amazing and can do this for sure!

    Advice for affected family:
    Two most important things I learned:

    1. Gambling addiction is not your fault!
    2. You need to focus on yourself!
    3. Fins a good therapist that will help you go though rough times

    All you can really do for your partner/loved one is to help him/her find the therapy s/he deserves to have, give advices what you think should be done and try to understand that addiction is a disease. Unfortunately, all the hard work addicts need to do, not you. Maybe it will be so clear from the beginning that you won’t leave your partner no matter what and that is great. I wish it was clear for me from the beginning, but it really wasn’t. If you feel similar to how I felt – absoluthy lost and not sure how to continue living with the addict, here is what I have to say:

    You will probably feel ashamed for what is happening to you, you will probably loose some friends because they won’t meet your expectations, or they won’t know how to approach you, as it always happens when we need fiends the most. You will also learn who your true friends are (many friendships will become stronger) and all of this is ok. This experience will teach you so much about life. You will realize what really matters, what your priorities are and how you want to live your life. You will probably spend a lot of time crying, thinking, wondering why it had to happened to you, maybe you will start taking things personally and as if Universe has something against you, but that phase won’t last too long. You just need to give yourself time to heal and to really listen to your hart and what it wants. Only when you follow what you really feel and desire, only then you’ll be able to find piece within yourself. You’re not obligated to stay with the addict and you should never fell like you abandoned her/him if you decide to leave. You have just one life that you need to live to the fullest. You should never think of things that don’t go according to your plans as mistakes, but as valuable lessons. Take time to make decisions as I am doing right now. I will still wait until I know exactly what I want to do.

    I wish you all the best!