Last time I went to the casino two years ago and the events were “traditional”. Leaving completely broken and drunk and still angry at the world – why am I being slapped like that? I was disappointed by the fact that there was a long casino-free period before my relapse. All you have to do is go in the Casino, take your cold beers and quietly start “milking” the appliance.(I like to name this process milking). But the machine “milked” me instead.
As always, there is a little euphoria when the machine “gives”, the cold beer gets sweeter and you loose you morals at the right moment – the moment when you should have left. The fact that credit has been maxed out and the monthly salary is “stuffed” into the machine is especially hard to take. Out of self-pity, you make another desperate try for the last money and it’s all over before you know it. My advice is that it’s best not to overdo the drinking. Try to stay clear-headed if you intend to gamble. Take only money that you can afford to loose.
There was a particularly stupid feeling in front of the casino. I was wasted but the mind still asked me: Are you a man or an idiot? You know very well how these things end! Well, part of me really cried and the other laughed … well the laughing part didn’t last for long. I lost my partners trust.
As a recovering gambling addict you going to have many challenges in your life.One of them will be, “how to share finances with your partner”. This is an issue that I’m dealing often in my home. My partner makes the majority of our income, but I try to make some extra money doing side jobs. When its time to pay our bills, I often find myself short of money. Especially now with covid situation, there is not many jobs available.
While I do just as much work at home as my partner, I still feel lots of quilt not having enough money.
My partner and I talk about our finances once a week. We take a look at our budget to see how we have been spending our money and identify any areas where we need to cut back. This also gives us an opportunity to discuss any other issues related to our money, including upcoming expenses, possible income opportunities, and problems we have with our current spending. I learnt that being very open with my partner, helps both of us. This is the best way to prevent and resolve any finance issues. Have open communication. If you feel guilty for spending money because you make less money than your partner, talk about it. Plan how you are going to deal with the differences in your salaries.
I remember when I was hiding my purchases from Zalando, because I felt guilty for buying myself something because I wasn’t the one who made the money that paid for the items. Money was mine, only it was meant for something more meaningful than clothes.
One thing I always say is that it is so much better to tell your partner than for them to find out, but choose a time when you have taken some steps on the road to recovery so you can talk about the issue with some good news.Even if it’s just to say ‘this is what happened, but now I have self excluded’ or ‘now I have stopped and am going to a meeting’.Trust is so preciousand if you tell them there is a chance to keep it, if they find out, it may never come back. There are no easy solutions to life. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie. So give them time – even if it takes a few years.
Gambling ruined 4 years of my life. However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help.