Gambling Addictions

Category: gambling addiction

  • A Dance with Lady Luck: My Journey through the World of Gambling

    Photo by Sharefaith on Pexels.com

    Gambling, an intricate and captivating world that has fascinated mankind for centuries. I, myself, am not a specialist on the subject, but my experiences have granted me a unique perspective.

    This blog post will delve into my personal journey into the realm of gambling, exploring its various aspects and the conservative creativity it kindles within us.

    My journey through the world of gambling offered an unexpected glimpse into the human psyche. It allowed me to witness the seductive allure and the devastating consequences that accompany this societal fascination. While I may not be a specialist on the topic, my experiences afforded me a deeper understanding of gambling’s different aspects and the conservative creativity it ignites within us all – a dance with Lady Luck that leaves an indelible mark on our lives.

    My life became a constant cycle of chasing losses and trying to conceal the true extent of my addiction from those around me. I lived in a perpetual state of denial, convincing myself that I still had control over my actions and that everything would eventually fall into place. But the mirage of control that I clung to so desperately was just that – a mirage. The truth was, I was engulfed in the destructive grip of gambling, and it seemed as though there was no way out.But in the darkest of moments, a glimmer of hope emerged. It was through the unwavering support of my wife that I found the strength to confront my addiction head-on. She stood by me, reminding me of the person I once was and believed I could become again. With her guidance, I sought professional help, attending therapy sessions and joining support groups where I connected with others who had experienced the same struggles.

    Recovering from a gambling addiction is not an easy path, but with each passing day, I regain a sense of control over my life. I am slowly rebuilding the ruins of my past mistakes, working hard to repair the relationships that were shattered. I have come to realize that it is through acceptance and taking responsibility for my actions that true healing can occur.

    My life may have been ruined because of gambling, but today, I stand as a testament to the power of resilience and the unwavering support of loved ones. I have learned the importance of self-reflection, of recognizing and addressing the root causes of my addiction. It is through this understanding that I can now embrace a new chapter, one that is free from the clutch.

    Gambling ruined 4 years of my life.  However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help. 

  • WHY I CAN’T STOP LYING

    WHY I CAN’T STOP LYING

    “I am not upset that you lied to me; I am upset that from now on I can never believe you”-

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    After being more than 2 years free from gambling activities, I noticed that I still have a huge problem with lying to my partner. It became a habit and somehow I can’t stop lying to my partner. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie.

    This advice helped me to think that did I achieve anything worthwhile by lying or cheating. I started thinking that what I am hiding from her? Why I am so insecure? Why my self-respect is at rock bottom? Why I am addicted to lying? Sooner I realized that lying is like a slippery dangerous slope with nothing good at the bottom but misery and empty life.

    We all lie in different situations in our lives. We all have our reasons for lying, it may be to escape punishment in our childhood. When we grow up, we lie to get attention or sympathies and some even create stories to set friends against each other or get others in trouble. It is an expression of being afraid, what others will think, afraid of facing the reality. We want to show people that we are better than others and reflect the weakness of our character. This could be the result of low self-esteem, fear of rejection, desire to please, or any other nuanced reasons. A liar justifies or makes stories to cover up something he has done wrong. To cover the first lie, another lie is required and this leads to an endless chain of lies. I had no idea about my case, why I was manipulating different situations to lie with my partner. Sooner I realized that I am a habitual liar, I tried to discover the root of my behavior, why I am doing and what I am avoiding. I thought that if I want to spend the rest of my life with my partner, I must avoid this habit of lying to restore the level of trust in our relationship. 

    If you are constantly lying to your dear ones and you are not able to do anything about it, then you don’t want to change. You cannot change what has developed in you for years. If someone matters to you in your life then you have to be truthful or else you will end up losing not only that person but your importance, your respect and the likeness you were trying to create will go away in a moment and will never come back. All the lies which are still covered can come crashing down on your head at any time. You will live in constant fear of the truth being discovered and expose you which creates a bad effect on your nerves. Stop living in dream world with a fake identity. Get out of your unreal world and start living in present rather than the past or future.

    A person who often tells fibs will never have trustworthy friends and will not be loved by anyone. Life is not only judged by a rich lifestyle, fluent language ability, or branded clothes. It is measured by the number of faces who simile when they hear your name. Analyze your life and try to find how it has impacted your life and others around you. Somewhere or somehow it has broken a lot of innocent hearts or brought tears to the eyes of your loved ones. Do you think you feel happy about it?

    How To Stop Lying?

    Start thinking, why you want to quit lying, think about the bad things associated with being a liar. I am not an expert by any means but you must ask yourself why you are lying? Why are you not comfortable with the truth? Learn to appreciate things you have in life and be satisfied with your family, friends, and your surroundings. But what makes sense to me is that instead of trying “not to lie anymore” which is difficult to achieve in one day, try to focus on making little but sturdy progress. Think to yourself why you’re lying? Why are you not comfortable with the truth? Is it because you are not confident? Or on the other hand you fear reality?

    You can’t change the past, the past is immutable. But as long as you understand that the time of yore was something that you’ve learned, and then it won’t haunt you as much.

    Few imperative things to consider while struggling to come out of this habit:

    • Never give up! People have thrived in breaking the nastiest & most addictive habits, you can do the same!
    • Change is going on in little- often not noticeable steps. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t observe changes immediately, YOU ARE CHANGING!
    • There will be setbacks. There is no way to accomplish a goal without failing on the way. Remember: failing doesn’t mean to stop struggling and starting all over again; you rewired your brain by fighting your habit & it will become easier & easier until it will go away!

    Like other habits, you don’t want to fix the awful habit, you want to reinstate with a good habit. That good habit is the truth. Truth is freedom, truth is real, not fake. Don’t let the old practice of lies keep telling you the big lie – that lying is OK and won’t harm you. Every lie is like a bullet hit in the heart of your honor. It’s one more rope around your neck that can choke you and pull you down a road of despair. Embrace truth with all its consequences, and never look back.

    People are faulty, people misspeak, and people need to correct themselves all the time. There is a higher probability that your family and friends will much more easily forgive and forget a lie that is corrected seconds after it’s spoken than one that is left to stand. 

     If someone asks you a question and you don’t want to tell them the truth, just refuse to answer. This may not be the best solution in all situations, especially if the person who is asking the question is depending on the answer, but it works for many. If someone asks about something personal or just needs a detailed answer it’s fine to say, “I’d rather not talk about that,” or, “I’d prefer not to say anything about it,” More often, if you explain that it is something personal, people who know you better will not force you to explain. If they insist and push the issue you can use the same answers as one of the above, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

    Sometimes you’ll mess up, someone will mention a lie you told a while ago. The best thing in such a situation is to admit the truth, apologize for what you’ve said, and tell them you’re working towards becoming a more honest person.

    Let yourself become someone new. In your life, you’ve lied a lot, and if someone called you a liar, they wouldn’t be wrong, but actually, it hurts. Always accentuate to be the person you want to be, emphasize truthfulness. Every time you lie by reflex and have to correct yourself, don’t feel ashamed, only focus on the correction and not the lie. The correction is a sign of improvement that shows that you are getting better. As time goes on you’ll find you’re correcting yourself less and one day you’ll realize, you haven’t lied in over a week. Eventually, you’ll hardly ever feel the urge to lie, and when you do have that urge you’ll have the emotional tools to deal with it.

      Truth does set us free because with truth there’s nothing left to conceal, no more wild stories to keep track of. Truth facilitates us to pursue real dreams, gain success in our lives, and accomplish things that will make us feel unbelievably good and happy about ourselves, instead of empty and disgraced.

     In my opinion, stop lying to your loved one is the greatest and most significant decision you will make in your life. It’s seriously important stuff and will redirect your life like nothing else. 

    The past is always there in the background, you can’t change any part from that period, just learn to ignore it. It won’t bother you if you keep yourself focused on the present and the upcoming future. As you know that the past was something that you’ve learned and will never repeat such mistakes then it won’t haunt you as much.

    Telling people the truth is one of the best things you can do. They might be despondent, yet they will see the value in the way that you conceded your bad behaviors and told them the truth. People you love may leave you and never trust you, it’s never too late, realize it that is how humans are programmed to be.

  • Online gambling will harm your eyesight

    Online gambling will harm your eyesight

    The eyes are the most important organs that allow us to perceive the world. However, many factors can harm them. One of the biggest problem is online gambling.

     Combination of online gambling innovation and smartphone usage is proving increasingly toxic. For millennials, betting via their mobile phones has become very popular choice. Have you ever thought about the physical effects gambling can have on your body? You may be surprised to know that while you’re sat hunched over your screens, not only are you doing damage to your wallet, but you’re also damaging your eyes, too. On average, those with a gambling addiction can place up to 90 bets a day, which can equate to quite a lot of screen time. Couple this with the average 3.5 hours watching TV, 4 hours staring at laptops, and 2 hours on mobile phones – your eyes are taking quite the beating! To help you ease your eyes of any extra strain, I’ve got three simple solutions.The eyes are the most important organs that allow us to perceive the world. However, many factors can harm them. 

    Reduce your screen time

    Constantly focusing on screens can put an immense amount of strain on your eyes. Although our eyes are built to withstand day-to-day use, they weren’t made for aiding our gambling addictions! Reducing the amount of screen time you use a day could show massive improvements in your eye health and stop any headaches and migraines you might be having. This doesn’t mean you have to cut out your daily program or refrain from using your phone, just chose more wisely. If you can’t part with your precious screens, try starting with small 2-3 minute breaks every 20 minutes – this will also help you to ease back on your gambling, so it’s a double-win!

    Blue light

    While you sit and work away at your gambling addiction, the blue light from your screen is working away at your eyes. It’s been known that too much blue light can cause headaches, eye strain, and even retina diseases. If you want to keep your eyesight healthy, I suggest reducing the amount of blue light you use. This can be done by using special blue light glasses, which block the harsh blue light from reaching the eyes. You could also try altering your screen brighten setting to filter out the blue light – Apple devices can switch to Night Mode which swaps blue light for a much warmer color, thus reducing the amount of blue light our eyes are subjected to.

    Put a stop to your gambling addiction

    The best way to protect your eyes while gambling is to put a stop to it altogether. I know how difficult this can be, trust me, I’ve been there. The reality is you are capable and you can do it, you just need some extra help and motivation! The hours you spend both online gambling and sat at those slot machines are hours of unnecessary strain on your eyesight. Try to find ways to suppress your gambling urges and fill your time – group therapy and support groups can be great for this and will give you the person-to-person connection you miss when you gamble online. You also need to weigh out your options; would you rather fuel your gambling addiction or have a healthy set of eyes? I know which one I’ll be choosing!

    Gambling ruined my life, and I was not the only one to suffer. There are hundreds of such people out there who have gone through the same trouble. My mission is to help them share their story so that they may get help in time. 

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story of recovery and be the motivation for thousands who fell prey to this addiction.

  • How to trust the gambler

    How to trust the gambler

    I will be honest with you – it will be very hard for you to trust the gambler again, but it’s not impossible. It takes a lot of time, good communication skills, dedication and effort. 


    One of the things that helped me and my partner were sessions with a therapist. In one of the sessions, we ended up having a fight. (Embarrassing, right?) However, even tho it was so embarrassing for both of us, it helped, because the therapist pointed out that the language we used vas very aggressive. We were verbally attacking each other, almost without hearing what the other had to say. There was no compassion, just judgement. After that session, we started paying attention to the way we speak and slowly (to be more accurate: super slowly) our conversations started to feel less toxic.


    What can also help you is to remind yourself that gambling addiction is a disease and no one chose to have it. I would advise you to try to understand how “naked”, lost and fragile a gambler, who has revealed her/his gambling secrets to you and hopefully is on a journey to recovery, feels. It’s not easy for a gambler either. It was a huge step for them to realize and admit there was a problem. 
    Having said all of that, I would like to point out that you need to listen to yourself and your thoughts all the time. I believe it is important to tell a gambler what your needs are and what would make you trust her/him. Maybe you would like to be informed or get an access to his/her bank account or maybe you would like to know  what recovery plans s/he has.. If you want to get the trust back, you both need to work on it. If you see that some things don’t add up, that s/he is still being dishonest, or is not trying to make things work, well… that’s a great lesson too. You will then know if it’s worth investing yourself in that relationship / friendship.
    I would like to share a memory that might shed some light on how we feel and how we think while and after a gambling session with a hope it will also help you understand us better. At first we feel excited and then so guilty. We know it’s wrong, but we have no power to break our bad habits by ourselves.

     
    As for the memory, I would like to share how I felt when I would go to, be at and leave Casino. There was a particularly stupid feeling in front of the casino – you’re fighting with yourself. You know very well how these things will end, but then you convince yourself it’s the last time “just this time and I’ll never do it again”. 
    Then, since it’s the last time, you go inside, take your cold beers and quietly start “milking” the appliance (I like to name this process milking). But the machine “milked” me instead. As always, there is a little euphoria when the machine “gives”, the cold beer gets sweeter and you loose you morals at the right moment – the moment when you should have left. The fact that credit has been maxed out and the monthly salary is “stuffed” into the machine is especially hard to take. Out of self-pity, you make another desperate try for the last money and it’s all over before you know it.After Casino I was almost always completely mentally broken, drunk and so angry – why am I being slapped like that? I was disappointed by the fact I did this to myself again.  If any gambler is reading this, try not to overdo the drinking. Try to stay clear-headed if you intend to gamble. Take only money that you can afford to loose. 

    Recovering gambling addict is going to have many challenges. One of them will be sharing finances with a family or partner. This is an issue that I’m dealing often in my home. My partner makes the majority of our income, but I try to make some extra money doing side jobs. When it’s time to pay our bills, I often find myself short on money. Especially now with Covid-19, there are not many jobs available. While I’m giving my best to earn as much as I can, I still feel lots of quilt not having enough money. Exactly this guilt is making me feel like I don’t want to disappoint her and so often urge to lie surface.To avoid lies, my partner and I talk about our finances once a week. We take a look at our budget to see how we have been spending our money and identify any areas where we need to cut back. This also gives us an opportunity to discuss any other issues related to our money, including upcoming expenses, possible income opportunities, and problems we have with our current spending.

    I learnt that being very open with my partner, helps both of us. This is the best way to prevent and resolve any finance issues. Have open communication. If you feel guilty for spending money because you make less money than your partner, talk about it. Plan how you are going to deal with the differences in your salaries.I remember when I was hiding purchases from my partner. I felt guilty for buying myself something even tho money was mine, but it was meant for something more meaningful than e.g. clothes. She would always notice new clothes and she would be so hurt and disappointed in me. Even tho there is no one else to blame for my lies, I realized with a help of my therapist, that I need to understand myself better. I need to dig into my past and try to understand what made me lie. Is it only gambling or I was lying before too? If so, why was I lying, what triggered me? 


    What helped me was that my partner encouraged me to talk about all new realizations about myself, so that we both can understand my problems better. Only when we feel like we won’t be judged, put on a wall of shame or laughed at, we can start our recovering process.Gambling ruined 4 years of my life. However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/
    where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story or to reach out for help. I would like to recommend you to read an advice from Justyn Larcombe (embed the link to his name) on this subject.–

  • You Can Beat the Odds

    You Can Beat the Odds

    Someone far handier than me with a calculator once worked out that the chances of any of us existing anywhere in the cosmos are one in 400 trillion. That’s the kind of odds that, by comparison, make winning the state lottery seem as easy as buying a ticket. 

    What about the odds of being struck by lightning? Are they any better than springing into existence after 4 billion years? The answer is yes. The chances of you being struck by lightning in the US in any given year are 1 in 500,000.

    Now, what do you think the odds are of becoming addicted to gambling? They are, in fact, much less than you probably think. There are 10 million gambling addicts in the US alone. That’s roughly one in thirty of us.

    The statistics are impressive, but as a confessed gambling addict myself, the only statistic I care about right now, at least, is the odds of recovery. I can’t say what the figure is exactly.  What I know from experience is that the chances of an addict returning to the everyday world they left behind when your condition took hold are far, far better than a doctor having to write ‘lightning bolt’ as the cause-of-death on your death certificate.

    Whatever the chances were in my case, group therapy improved my odds of beating a condition that afflicts so many of us. I was skeptical of group therapy at first. The idea of baring my soul in front of a room full of strangers terrified me. I would take any excuse not to go.  Doing dishes and tidying the house suddenly seemed so much more interesting and appealing. I had zero interest in going to group therapy, but I didn’t want to lose my partner. 

    I am glad I went there. For the first time, I found myself in the company of like-minded people. People with similar lives, similar fears and with the same financial issues as I had. I felt I belonged, after such a long time feeling that I didn’t. And that made all the difference to my recovery. We were from different walks of life, but we all had one thing in common – an addiction.

    It’s been now almost  year  since I  escaped from this hell. As each day goes by, my belief that I can’t  actually never gamble again becomes more and more solid. I feel  I can beat the odds and not to fall back in gambling trap. I know  it’s  too early to say that I won the war, but I can tell for sure that I won the battle. I found myself often doubting, then I look at the progress that I’ve made in these past year and it’s amazing. Okay maybe not amazing, because the huge debt is still there. But I’m slowly whittling that down. 

     I’m learning about the value of money again. I even took  Jen Sincero suggestion to  write a letter to my money. Writing this letter to my money I realized how much I was actually abusing money. Maybe correct  word would be “not respecting” it. Time after time I do feel regret when I think f the money I lost. Most my friends have mortgage to pay and I have my huge debt as my mortgage. They will at least have a property and I have nothing.

     I’ll always feel behind where I should be, but I stopped making things worse. It’s a better life without gambling. I see things more clearly now. There are still long way to go and who knows, I might be debt free one day again. My next coal would be another year without gambling. Hopefully with support of my partner I can achieve it.

    I had support. My partner stood by me. Sure, she insisted I tell her every single thing that was going on in my life. I agreed to show her my bank accounts. I consented to telling her when I had urges to gamble. She hasn’t left—not yet anyway—though I sense her struggle. I don’t know how much longer she will stay, but at least I know I am doing what she needs to build trust back into our relationship slowly.

    If you have a gambling problem, take it from me, you can beat the odds. The first step is to reach out for help. Contact Gamblers Anaonymous today and take the first step to get well again.

    Gambling ruined 4 years of my life.  However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help.

  • Young People, God Loves You – Do Not Gamble with Your Life

    Young People, God Loves You – Do Not Gamble with Your Life

    Three card poker, slot machine games, roulette, blackjack, sports betting, bingo… there are so many games available for persons to participate in, not just for entertainment but many are also involved in gambling.  These games can be accessed not only at casinos but also online.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and the sad reality is this activity can become addictive like a drug and many struggle to break free from this addiction.

    Gambling has the potential to ruin your life. You probably chose to participate in this activity out of curiosity or peer pressure but I can tell you that it has the potential to destroy you emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually.  I have been there and I lost everything that I held dear to me and I thank God that He was able to deliver me and has equipped me with the ability to use my experience to assist other young people.

    Young people, God cares about your well-being, He understands your struggle and He is more than able to heal you from this gambling addiction.  

    God Cares about your Well-Being

    God created you in His image and your welfare is important to Him. A life consumed in gambling can have devastating effect on not just the financial loss experienced by many persons, but it can affect your emotional well-being causing major stress and anxiety. This can result in other life threatening illnesses.   God says in His word that “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” 3 John 2:2.  Above all things, God wants you to be in good health so that you can enjoy the abundant life He has prepared for you.

    Sometimes you may feel that God is absent as you experience financial struggles and need a way out but gambling is not the solution. Seek God and trust Him to provide for you as He knows our needs and He’s able to provide. “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shallhe not much more clotheyou, O ye of little faith?” Matthew 6:30. 

    God has a special plan for your life and He wants to fulfill His plan in your life.  He says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11.  Young people you are created for a special purpose and God wants to fulfill His plan in your life. You have been endowed with special gifts and talents and God wants you to use your talents wisely as you seek to give glory to Him.

     God Understands your Struggle

    You may be struggling right now to break free of this addiction and God sees and He understands. He is a God of mercy and compassion and it is not his desire to see any of His children destroy their lives.  “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of ourinfirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15.  God knows our weaknesses and you can always trust Him to free you from this gambling addiction.

    The enemy wants to destroy the lives of young people but “Noweapon that is formed against thee shallprosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17. You are not in this fight alone – God is with you and He’s holding your hand. Just trust and believe in Him.

    God understands your situation – he sees the many times you tried to quit and yet you went back to embezzle or use your last savings to return to this activity, He understands the disappointments you face when you have this high adrenaline rush and thought you’re now a millionaire but, you again experience another loss. God’s mercy is still extended to you and He can provide the help you need.

    He is able to Heal and Restore.

    “Is there anything too hard for the Lord?” (see Jeremiah  32:27). Absolutely, nothing is too hard for the Lord to do. To break free from this addiction, you first need to admit that you cannot fight this battle alone and you need God to help you. We serve a mighty God who is bigger than that addiction you are struggling with right now and He will provide the help you need. David says in Psalms 34:4 “.I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

    “Birds of a feather flock together”. You cannot expect to soar like an eagle into the person God wants you to become if you are constantly surrounded by negative influences who continue to lure you to participate in this activity. Seeking support from believers in Christ who will pray and support you is vital for your recovery. James 5:16 says “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. “ 

    You can conquer this addiction in your own strength so pray and ask God to give you strength.  God has great plans for your life and you have to pledge within your heart that you will not be controlled by gambling. “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. “ 2 Timothy 2:22. 

    It is now time for you to step out into who God wants you to be and I am on this journey to guide you on your road to recovery. God has a great purpose for your life and now is the time to discover those buried talents that He has blessed you with.  

    Win or lose in gambling but a life anchored in Christ is a definite win.

    Gambling ruined 4 years of my life.  However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help. 

  • You don’t need to keep it to yourself

    You don’t need to keep it to yourself

    Young people may go into gambling as a result of idleness during the lockdown or even because of peer pressure “My friends gamble so I decided to try it then I tried another one and the next and I just couldn’t stop anymore” Most people are addicted to gambling and don’t even know they are, that is why a group therapy is necessary. Group therapy is a really helpful and effective way of overcoming gambling addiction. From my personal experience, it is the best way for gambling addiction recovery. 

    While discussing with people who face similar problems it creates a sense of understanding and helps the individual to accept criticism, listen to others talk on what they pass through and the steps they are taking to overcome the addiction and be able to think of ways to solve the Our brains are naturally configured to get pleasure out of some of the things we do. That’s why we survive. Pleasure drives us to hit some crucial day-to-day goals, such as finding and eating food.

    But the system as a whole is more complicated than that; it’s not all about tangible rewards. We can spend an awful lot of time pursuing a pleasurable experience that is far from “mission critical” — like discovering how a piece of machinery is assembled, or nutting out the pattern to a sequence of symbols. This kind of puzzle can be frustrating, but the pleasure of eventually solving it spurs us on — and crucially, our brains process the anticipation of that understanding as a form of pleasure.

    Chemically, even though we’ve done nothing useful, this is the same reward we get for achieving a survival goal. And it’s that anticipatory pleasure pathway which goes into overdrive when we gamble. It can lead us to a place that addicts call “the zone”, where even winning the jackpot is a distraction from the game.problem.”there is the track, there’s the sound when you win, and you think ‘i’ve received’, despite the fact that you haven’t — you’ve got absolutely lost. But music plays,” she says.

    “humans come round and come up with unfastened coffee and appearance when you, there may be that best feeling. But … I suppose the real factor is the manner the machines are designed alters the mind.” These changes to the playing mind can do a whole lot of damage. Being in “the sector” manner being in an exchange universe, in which family and responsibility don’t appear important.

    In my wildest dream I never thought anything could be so addictive.I find myself often thinking” why can’t I do this for the most important people in my life”

    Gambling ruined 4 years of my life.  However my recovery has been slow and I am still learning more about my real true self every day. For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help. 

  • “Gambling Addiction Recovery – 5 Powerful Ways You Can Support Your Partner”

    “Gambling Addiction Recovery – 5 Powerful Ways You Can Support Your Partner”

    Gambling is an addiction that is dangerously easy to hide. Unlike alcohol or drug abuse, you might not necessarily know someone was a gambling addict on the surface. We see examples of gambling everywhere we look online and within the thousands of casinos in public spaces. Yet society still does not identify gambling addiction as chronic mental health issue that it is.

    For those living with a partner who gambles, the story is very different. Couple finances and shared responsibilities are significantly affected in an economical sense. However, the emotional rollercoaster of addiction is even more significantly felt by those closest to the addict. The recovery process can be as difficult to navigate as the addiction itself.

    So—how can partners of gambling addicts offer support in a way that protects them both? How can someone truly help their partner to free themselves from the grip of gambling addiction while taking care of their own health and wellbeing at the same time? With the appropriate tools in hand, freedom is entirely possible.

    Here are 5 impactful steps you can start applying today:

    • Learn about the illness.  Addiction is a mental health issue, without doubt. It is not a singular choice that an individual has made at any given stage of their life. Typically, gambling addicts are hyper-aware of their condition and their behaviours. Many struggle with immense guilt for the impact it has upon their own lives and those they love. By learning more about the beast of addiction, the battle will be easier to form a unified front against it. Access online resources (as you are right this moment) that will equip you with the information you need to better tackle each stage of recovery. Attend group therapy sessions where appropriate with your partner to encourage them and to learn more about their experience. Learn about the psychology of addiction and it’s typical behaviours. Do what you can to empower yourself with the tools you need to overcome this situation as a team.
    • Reassign spare time more positively.  Moments of spare time can be extremely difficult to deal with for a gambling addict, especially when there are so many online gambling options ready and waiting to pull them back in. Dedicate some evenings and weekends to sharing quality time together away from temptation. Leave your smartphones at home and head out for a walk in the outdoors to rebalance your mental health and disconnect from negative influences. Starting a new venture together can also be a great way to discover fresh opportunities for the same buzz of accomplishment that was found within gambling yet in a much healthier context. 
    • Seek professional support.  Perhaps your partner has already joined a support group. Maybe they are already seeing someone to help them deal with their addiction. This approach is a very positive step forwards for you both. But don’t forget that this process is indisputably a giant undertaking for you as well as your partner. Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help from a therapist who can help you process the situation. It will offer you an outlet away from home which could improve your levels of reactivity when things become challenging at certain times. You deserve to enjoy good mental health just as much as your loved one does.
    • Create non-judgemental space for each other.  We rarely learn from a situation when we feel accused or attacked. When emotions reach a peak, it can be hard not to throw out statements borne from frustration against our partner. However, doing so will break even more trust between you than the addiction already has itself. Agree on a pact with your partner that you will always remain respectful of one another regardless of how tough it might get. Create an open listening environment where you both feel you can speak up without being interrupted or judged. Doing so will help your relationship to evolve and progress in the same way that it will benefit the overall recovery process.
    • Take your time.  Overcoming addiction is not instant, nor is it something that can be fixed up overnight. Deep healing occurs when plenty of time, love and energy is dedicated to the journey. Some days you might wonder if you’ll ever be free of the shadow of addiction. This is completely normal. But don’t lose sight of the fact that you will both eventually step beyond the trauma that gambling has caused in both of your lives. There is a whole world out there yet to be discovered by you both. There are people you’ve yet to meet and experiences to be enjoyed that you can’t even imagine yet. Gambling addiction and mental health issues do not define who you are – you do.

    We all have mental health battles we must face as life unfolds. Some of us fall into the trap of seeking vices such as gambling in an honest attempt to cope. Gambling companies have huge teams of dedicated experts who are employed specifically to target vulnerable mindsets. Each game is set up to draw each user into a never-ending cycle of enticing momentary wins leading to perpetual ultimate losses. 

    It is certainly not the ‘fault’ of the addict that they are in the position they now find themselves caught up in. However, this certainly does not stop them from taking back control and making change to overcome their situation. With appropriate support, true healing is entirely possible. The personal freedom that sits just the other side of the recovery line will always be worth each and every step towards it.

    Gambling ruined my life, and I was not the only one to suffer. There are hundreds of such people out there who have gone through the same trouble. My mission is to help them share their story so that they may get help in time. 

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story of recovery and be the motivation for thousands who fell prey to this addiction.

  • Activities A Gambling Addict Can Do In Recovery

    Activities A Gambling Addict Can Do In Recovery

    Gambling addiction often starts as a fun activity, and it can be adopted by anyone from any class and line of work. You start it as a form of entertainment, but it begins to root in your mind, and soon you find yourself addicted to it. Gambling addiction is just like any other form of addiction because you will crave to gamble just like you crave in drug addiction or alcohol addiction. At some point, you will find it hard to control your urges for gambling and think that there isn’t anything you can do to stop it, but there are many ways to overcome this obsession. First of all, you need to admit the issue and lookout for signs that may have caused this addiction in the first place.

    • Gambling addiction is often adopted to avoid family issues, to seek freedom from anxiety, loneliness, and guilt. 
    • Thoughts of becoming rich overnight and making lots of money without real effort.
    • Urges to gamble at least once in a week and feeling annoyed when trying to stop gambling practice.
    • Gamble with high stakes to get more significant rewards to achieve thrill & excitement.
    • Do not care about family, friends, and managing jobs or work hours to gamble.
    • Always lying to family and friends to conceal your habit of gambling.

    Once you discover your trigger points, it will be easier to recover from gambling addiction. You may have to come up with a better alternative to limit your time for gambling. Finding festive activities for problem gamblers is very important to help ease their recovery procedure. A gambler can adopt many healthy alternatives to take away his mind from the shining lights of casinos. I will be covering some of these healthy and entertaining activities in this article that might help you if you are a problem gambler.

    I was looking for healthy activities and after thinking hard, I decided to have a dog. I knew that I have to be very responsible with my new friend. I wanted a small, active dog so that I would be forced to get out and be active too. Best thing I ever did. I named her Coco and she is just one of those dogs where when I look into his eyes, I know exactly what she’s thinking. Sometimes the way she looks at me, I can tell Coco having real human thoughts in her tiny, little brain. I noticed that she’s perfect for my new healthy activity. People who have been gamble free a long time say the urges lessen and they definitely have for me – but they are still there. For me having a dog, helped me a lot with gambling urges.

    I will list some healthy activities down below.

    Healthy Activities for Problem Gamblers

    Distracting yourself during cravings for gambling is a great way to with your addiction, but to continually improving your condition, you will need to find better alternatives to gambling. You can shift your focus from bad habits towards healthier and more beneficial habits by staying positive and replacing gambling triggers with positive activities. Some alternatives can be,

    1. Physical Activity:

    It’s a good start because by staying active and working out daily, you won’t be having enough time to gamble away your money. This not only helps with your addiction but will always make you sharp and physically healthy. You can,

    • Go for walks
    • Join a gym
    • Start yoga classes
    • Meditate
    • Do team sports

    2. Spend Time With Family & Friends:

    Spending time with your loved ones and friends will make your problems go away and keep in check your anxiety levels. You don’t need to find an escape in gambling anymore. If you dedicate some time from your weekly routine to family & friends, it will surely help you with your addiction.

    • Plan a picnic
    • Go for a movie 
    • Nigh out with friends at some decent place
    • Spend time with your children

    3. Volunteer Work:

    Helping someone voluntarily will satisfy your heart and keep you away from bad distractions. You can do volunteer work for charitable organizations to utilize your free time. 

    4. Travelling:

    It opens your mind and takes away all your anxieties, stresses, and loneliness. Travelling is a great way to deal with gambling addiction as it is a positive addiction in itself. Moving to new places and meeting with new peoples allows you to communicate well and forget your sorrows and problems. Please don’t waste your money on gambling; Explore the world instead.

    Gambling is just like any other form of behavioral addiction, and it is vital to find suitable alternatives for problem gamblers to replace the addiction with healthier habits. With the passage of time, gamblers often neglect other interests in life as they get their dose of excitement from gambling. So, if you’re planning to quit gambling, you will have to find your excitement somewhere else. The best to do it is a 3-step approach that I suggest all the gamblers should follow.

    1. Admit Your Addiction
    2. Look for Trigger Points
    3. Replace the Triggers with Healthier Alternatives 

    Takeaway 

    In addition to problem gamblers, some addicts consider gambling as a source of entertainment. These people remain in denial of their addiction until it is too late for them to develop an alternative course of action. If you’re a problem gambler or addicts who consider gambling as a fun activity, I will advise you to quit gambling while you have the chance and develop healthier alternative habits to cope with the issue. Once gambling takes hold of you, it will become difficult for you to quit. 

    For this purpose, I have developed a platform, https://gambling-addictions.com/, where you can find sincere advice from ex-addicts and also share your story to reach out for help. 

  • How To Regain Trust of Loved Ones After Gambling Addiction Recovery

    How To Regain Trust of Loved Ones After Gambling Addiction Recovery

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to  make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if its just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    Trust is the most fragile thing in a relationship, but it is also the foundation of any relationship. Relationships that are rooted in trust have the potential to keep going even when you’re separated from your loved ones. Lies and empty promises are termites to any relationship that made it empty from inside and damage the trust between family members or loved ones. It’s very hard to regain trust once it’s salvaged because of the sense of insecurity from that person will always be dominant on thoughts. It is only possible is both parties are committed to the relationship and want to be together again. 

    Addiction is one of the root causes that salvage trust in a relationship, and gambling is a form of addiction that not only destroys a relationship but also make you feel miserable. Recovering from this addiction is a war in itself but regaining the trust of your loved ones once you’re recovered is the real fight. Especially, if you’re a couple of gambling will push you so far apart from your partner that it becomes very difficult to regain that same level of affection even after your recovery. 

    How to Regain Trust in a Relationship After Gambling Addiction?

    Addicts become so sensitive to feeling that they confuse love with hatred sometimes and left all the hope of recovery, but very few of them take stand for themselves and try to improve themselves for ones they care about. As I recovered addict, I can quote that,

    Addicts always suffer from frustration and want to do things fast. Their biggest fear is they won’t get accepted twice and, in most cases, It is true. 

    So, as much as an addict need to give time and efforts to regain trust, his/her partner must do the same in order for the process to work out. First things first, what an addict must do is to,

    • Find ways through which their loved ones can accept him/her. They need to be honest, promising, and modest for a considerable amount of time in order, to get accepted back in a relationship.
    • After recovery, an addict’s inner urges will eventually try to unleash but beware of your trigger points and try your best to avoid the situations that will make you gamble again.
    • Keep telling your partner that you’re an improved version of yourself and don’t need surveillance anymore, but if your partner feels like, he/she can keep an eye on you until they are satisfied.
    • Once in a week, surprise your partner and make him/her realize that you’re not an addict anymore.
    • Always be patient because it takes time to restore something that is broken and trust me when I say, Trust Is Very Hard To Come By.

    What You Must Do To Regain Trust In Relationship?

    You might have heard the phrase, “Trust Goes Both ways”. Yes! It’s very true. Although it’s a long-shot scenario, but if your partner is willing to give you a second chance, then it might work out if you follow some pretty basic tips to regain the trust. However, it also depends on your commitment to the task only 4/10 relationships are bounded back after the addiction, and this is only because they are fully committed on both ends. I might say,

    If your partner is willing to give you a second chance and you want to spend your life with the same person, then this is it, this is the spark you need to start over. 

    Following are some tips that might come in handy but remember patience & commitment is the key to restore the balance and trust in a relationship. Give time and space to your partner to think over your situation and decide what’s best for their future.

    1. Be a Man of Your Word

    Honesty is the first step in the strong foundation of any relationship. Until you prove that you’re a man of your word, any effort to regain trust will fail. Due to the overwhelming situation of your loved ones, they will be desperate to give you a chance to prove yourself. Make them realize each day that you’re a better man now by living up to your words. Here I might add,

    Your honesty alone will make them realize that you’re trying to improve so, be sure to make the only promises that you can live up to. 

    2. Communicate With Your Loved Ones

    You don’t to be alone anymore. It’s a sign that you are withdrawing and need space, but in reality, you want to bound and communicate with others. You want to share your emotions and express your feelings. Try to re-establish communication with your partner and loved ones. It will ensure that you want to build trust and honesty in a relationship by sharing your feelings. 

    3. Create & Follow a Healthy Routine

    Addiction wreaks havoc on your mind and body. It does matter whether the addiction is of drugs or gambling. It will make your body physically weak and mind mentally ill. So, after you’re recovery, everyone will be expecting to follow a healthy diet and routine form you. If you are truly committed to making the most of your second chance, then make sure to follow a healthy routine. This may include,

    1. Early morning exercise 

    2. Regular sleep cycle

    3. Attending therapy or group sessions regularly

    4. Eating a healthy diet

    5. Giving time to family & friends

    This will not only make you physically fit but also helps in improving your mental capacity. Moreover, this may be the turning point in your relationship, and finally, your loved ones start trusting you once again. 

    4. Have Patience 

    Perhaps the most irritating and struggling phase in rebuilding the trust in a relationship. This is where most of the couples lost their motion of going on because it is only so long you can wait for someone. But if your patient enough to bear all the misfortunes of your love ones, then it may be a blessing in disguise for him/her. Slowly, the recovering addict will feel your efforts and give in his/her bad habits. 

    The reality is that it’s going to be a long process to earn [your loved ones’] trust back…you’re not going to be able to earn everybody’s trust in one day. You need to earn your own trust first and work from there.

    Reference: Niko McManus, Mental Health Counseling Intern

    Get Professional Help In The Matter

    If you’re willing to follow above-mentioned point than you can work on building a happier, honest and healthier relationship. But then again you will have to stay committed with each other and give each other enough time to form new boundaries of trust. 

    Getting professional help in the matter would probably the kick start you might need in the beginning but remember,

    When you seek guidance from a therapist or counsellor, don’t withhold any information that can cause hurdle in building the foundation of a strong relationship. 

    Besides talking to a therapist, you can share your story with me on my website, and I would love to help you out in the process. I was also a gambling addict and on my website https://gambling-addictions.com/. I share of struggling addicts and persons who had successfully improved their lives after recovery. Share your experience and tell people what is the core reason that causes hurdle to regain trust even after the gambling addiction recovery. Maybe you can help out someone like us recovering addicts cope with the situation. 

  • Can You Deal With The Problem Of Gambling On Your Own?

    Can You Deal With The Problem Of Gambling On Your Own?

    Gambling is worst in all forms, but online gambling is destructive in a literal sense. With no monitoring, no limits to gambling and no need of physical location online gambling slowly take over control to your mind and eventually your life. Pathological gambling is the most dreadful of all forms of gambling because, in this situation, the subjects lose the ability to control their gambling habit, which leads to physiological issues. It also activates the brain’s reward system, similar to what happens when the body is under the influence of drugs. However, anyone can quit gambling with self-control and with the help of some online tools and apps. 

    Taking from someone who had been down to the same road of gambling and recovered. I would recommend you tend to your gambling issue before it’s too late. To help you guys understand the ground realities of recovery and cope with you gambling habit. I have compiled a list of do able activities that will help you quit gambling on your own with a little foreign help.

    There are some hooks that can help you along the way, 

    • Recognize the issue
    • Cope with it
    • Manage your gambling triggers
    • Use online tools to block gambling sites
    • Get help & support

    1. Recognize The Issue

    Admitting the problem is the first step towards the solution. If you recoinage your gambling habit and signs of your problem, then you can surely learn from them and modify your behavior accordingly. 

    • Signs of gambling includes, 
      • Getting thrills from taking gambling risks.
      • Spending more time on online gambling sites.
      • Use gambling to escape from anxiety and issues.
      • Feeling guilt or remorse after gambling.
    • Consequences of Gambling,
      • Financial issues.
      • Relationship problems.
      • Legal issues.
      • Mental health issues.

    Once you understand the grim reality of the problem, you will start thinking about the problem on your own.

    2. Coping With The Issue

    Excessive gambling can cause personal and professional issues. So, what exactly you can do to stop yourself from gambling? Pay attention to the following things!

    • Change your habits,
      • Don’t lose time from your work.
      • Pay your bills on time.
      • Don’t use credit card next time you gamble.
      • Make a list of your gambling habits and start quitting them one by one.
    • Be honest about your gambling,
      • Keep tally of your budgets.
      • List your debts for motivation.
      • Admit about your gambling and think about your future.
      • Think of what you could buy with all that gambling money.

    3. Manage Your Gambling Triggers

    Knowing what might trigger your impulse to gamble could sincerely help your way to recovery. These triggers could be thoughts, sensations, situations, behaviors and feelings which make you gamble. List your triggers as,

    • Keep a thought journal and list,
      • Your desire to gamble.
      • Write your thoughts when you think about gambling.
      • Do negative emotions like sorrow or stress trigger your gambling?
      • Do you gamble in excitement?
      • Does listening to music help you forget about gambling?
    • Avoid gambling environment,
      • Suppose your friend suggests about gambling or a trip to a casino. Suggest him some other fun activity to distract your thoughts.  
      • Avoid passing by gambling halls and visiting gambling sites.
      • Avoid encountering gambling environment and betting scenes.
    • Limit your use of drugs and alcohol.
    • Increase your impulse control to gambling.

    4. Use Apps & Tools To Block Gambling Sites

    These applications and blocking software are specifically designed to keep your gambling urges in check. These apps and tools are meant to promote awareness about the deadly effects of gambling habit and related issues. These applications include,

    • Betfilter
    • The Cassava App
    • Recoverybox App
    • Addiction Alert App

    These applications are readily available on Android and Apple stores. The applications are very useful in breaking the addiction and could save anyone from gambling. 

    The other possible way is to block all links or access to gambling sites by using some gambling software like. 

    • Gamban
    • Gamblock
    • Betblocker

    5. Get Help & Support

    When you run out all the options to stop yourself from gambling. Therapy and professional help could probably get you somewhere. 

    Explore Social Support: It is always helpful when addicts get attention from their loved ones. It could be an integral factor in your recovery.

    • Tell your family about your issue and see how they react. Call them for support and attention you need to get ahold of your recovery.
    • Indulge your friends and tell them about your gambling habit. They will be a great help to keep you distracted from gambling triggers. 

    Join Support Groups: In situations like this, supports groups are always a suitable option to talk freely about how you feel about your gambling habit. It will also help you encounter individuals with a similar issue, and you will feel less alone. 

    Concern With a Therapist: Professional helpis significant if your issue is critical and you can’t face it alone. If your habit is severe than probably all of your companions will bailout, and you will find yourself alone in the darkest corner of your destructive habit. Calling a professional for help might be the kick you need to get on your track of recovery.

    The Bottom Line

    Gambling is a severe issue, and a gambling habit can’t be neglected in any case. You might think that you can control your impulses and it is right in the beginning, but as you play along with this habit, it forces itself upon your mind. Eventually, like a pathogen, it devours its host from inside and leaving a shell with no emotions, will power and reasoning capability. I have been down to the oblivion of this habit and found myself cornered. Though my consciousness was alive, but I can’t seem to correct myself.

    That’s why I promised myself whenever; I will get free of this despair, I will share my story and tips to others so that they might get help and save themselves. Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ for useful tips and stories that will motivate you to quit this disastrous habit. 

  • How To Find Out Your Partner Is Gambling Addict and What Can You Do To Help

    How To Find Out Your Partner Is Gambling Addict and What Can You Do To Help

    A Gambler Is Nothing But a Man Who Makes His Livings Out Of False Hope

    Reference: William Bolitho

    Take it from a person who had experienced the severe effects of gambling addiction- just stay away from this hellish play. It starts as fun, and as you indulge in it further, it becomes a nightmare. There is no easy way out for a gambling addict and mark my words- sooner or later, you’re going to find yourself isolated from everyone and desperately seek for help. It’s not something you can ignore casually because, on later stages, gambling addicts can experience physiological issues along with financial and social impacts.

    Hi! Myself Uri and I am an ex-gambling addict. I know how you feel about this addiction and how you feel proud about your winnings. Been there and felt everything that you’re going through now. At first, it feels like heavens, and as soon it hits you hard, everything changes into hellish nightmares. If you’re an addict and reading out my blog- I will strongly recommend to reach out for help while you still have time. 

    Gambling is inevitable, and no matter what is said or done to advocate or oppose the gambling addiction, it is something that is practised on a larger scale or tacitly endorsed by a substantial majority of individuals for worldly benefits. 

    In this article, I am going to share with you, how you can find out whether your partner is a gambling addict and what can you do for his gambling recovery.

    How To Find Out Your Partner Is a Gambling Addict?

    When you identify an addict, it is usually more difficult to convince him/her about his addiction. First things first, gambling addicts are categorized into two types,

    1. Escape Gamblers: They are tough to catch as most of them don’t even do gambling openly. They seem normal until they reach to the peak point or even near collapsing. 
    1. Action Gamblers: Recognizing an action gambler is easier if you know about his habits. Any particular change in his behaviour can ring your bells. For example, action gamblers love to play poker.

    Without further ado, let’s dig out general ways to find out about someone’s gambling addiction.

    1. Loss Of Interest 

    Saying this from personal experience- A gambling addict loses interest in spending time with others, including his family and friends. If your partner is not showing up for dates lately or ditching dinners and family gatherings, then it’s a cue for you to look into his affairs. I will not be surprised if you find about his addiction because it’s what addicts do. They lost interest in everything other than gambling. He spends more time on making strategies to gamble and making plans to get money for the next gamble.

    2. Promise Unending Lies

    Yes! I did that a lot. I used to promise every day with myself and my loved ones- This is the last time, I am gambling, and after tonight’s game, I am done with this shit. But you know what! This doesn’t work and every single time I was there, back at the gambling table shuffling cards for the next round. So, if your partner is making promises and swearing you- This is the last time, I am doing this. Just don’t fall for his lies anymore.

    3. Often Boast About Becoming Rich

    It’s the most fatal lie a gambling addict tells himself and his loved ones. There was a time in my life when all I thought about was getting rich, and gambling seemed an easy way. Yes! You can get rich, but the cost is too high. If you get a hold of winnings, it will never let you stop, and if you keep losing, it will obliterate you sooner or later. The addiction starts with a hope that something out there can instantly bring everything in your life which you desire, but you end up getting more debts.

    So, if your partner often boasts about big winnings or becoming rich overnight. I recommend having a glance at his expenses. You will soon find an unexpected rise in withdrawals and his gambling addiction.

    4. Tries To Hide at Any Cost

    Gambling sticks with you and you can’t wash it off

    This saying reminds me of the time when I used to slice off time from every hour of the day for just being on a gambling table. I used to look for places as far from home as possible to gamble without fear of being caught in the act. I just feel lucky to recover from the loss in time because someone was always there to care for me.

    Look into the daily routine of your partner. If possible, keep a record of his working hours and if he is spending more time out there, than sadly he is in trouble. Reach out to him and try to understand his condition because you’re the only one who can help him while he still has a chance at recovery.

    Sometimes, while I am on a beautiful morning walk or standing on the peaceful bank of the river, I use to think about that moment of self-realization. I was fortunate to have it early on before it began to have fatal impacts on my relationship, finances and family.

    I first-hand witnessed the devastating effects of gambling, and I must say, Please don’t hate gambling addicts- feel pity for them and help them if possible.

    If you suspect your partner has gambling problems, you are the best chance at his gambling recovery. Firstly, encourage him to get help from professionals and try to convince him of his addiction. You must realize his condition and deal accordingly. You can offer support to your partner and seek professional guidance in the matter. Let’s have a look at ways through which you can support someone troubling with gambling addiction.

    1. Have a Talk

    Addicts feel completely isolated even in the dense crowd. Their minds are filled with a thousand thoughts and remorse. But there is no one to share these thoughts. The best thing you can do at the initial stage of gambling recovery, reach out and have a talk with your partner. Listen to his story and feel his pain. Encourage him for his struggle and share his agony. 

    By mere listening to his torment, you are providing him support to change for a better life. 

    2. Spend Time With Your Partner

    As discussed before, a gambling addict isolates himself from everyone- Ignores his family, his partner and his friends. He would not attend family gatherings anymore and will spend less time with his family. So, your second step should be to slice up your happy hours for him. Start noticing his mode swings and always be there when he needs you.

    Plan a dinner or night out with him and make him appear for outings on time. This practice will substantially reduce his gambling time and keep in check his addiction. It will help your partner’s gambling recovery and make him realize that you care deeply.

    3. Appreciate His Efforts

    Most of the gamblers start with a passion for providing luxury to their loved ones. They want their partners to have everything in life. The thought is not wrong because it is usually born out of care. So, if you want your partner to stay away from gambling, appreciate his little efforts to make you happy. 

    Appreciate his love and support his financial status. Make him realize- he is providing enough, and all you need is, his love. It will encourage him to stay on the path and work hard to achieve something more significant. Appreciation is the easiest way to help in gambling recovery.

    4. Encourage To Join Support Groups

    Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumour-driven unwellness. Why did the cast rotate? A side effect of dying

    Reference: John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

    I have been there; right at the verge of collapsing, but someone came to my aid and encouraged me to think about a better future. Support groups are closed circles in which a gambling addict can speak freely about his mistakes and he can share his feelings openly.

    How foolish was he to think that gambling could make him rich? These groups have sworn secrecy, and the good thing about the sessions is you meet peoples who made the same mistakes. This thing sparks your thoughts and inspires you to make things right in future. It’s the easiest way to gambling recovery, which is proven efficient because it aims to give you a sense of realization.

    Make your partner join these sessions, try to take part with him and listen to his regrets. Encourage him to do well and support him along the way to make his gambling recovery as smooth as possible.

    5. Set Aims for Future

    A gambling addict loses his courage to move forward. Sometimes, suicide is the only option to end the misery as their future seems darkened. Speaking this from experience- There comes, a point in every gambler’s life when all hope is lost, and they feel terrible about their existence. Many end their lives in remorse, and many lost their way to life. Only a few have someone who care, and those are the ones for whom you are going to make yourself better.

    Share Your Story!

    Gambling is not a foul play, and to some extent, it is socially acceptable. But gambling addiction is a whole different story. If you think you can manage it and leave it untreated, gambling addiction will get to you eventually. It affects your friends, family and even your relationships. When I got out of it, I promised myself to share the stories of addicts so that they may get help and never feel hopeless again.

    Visit my website, https://gambling-addictions.com/ and share your story to get help in time.

  • How Gambling Addiction Affects Family and Friends

    How Gambling Addiction Affects Family and Friends

    Gambling is like a fatal disease, it kills you slowly, but you’re not the only one suffering. You may be addicted, but the whole family suffers with you each day. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes.

    Stumbling and staggering I reached at the door in the middle of the night. Like other weekends, it’s just another one full of misery. I lost again today, and this is becoming a permanent issue. Drunk and disappointed, I am a gambling addict. I can’t tell anybody about it, at least not now. These are the expressions of every gambling addict out there. Gambling is a severe addiction and according to stats,

    • Half of the gambling addicts are involved in crimes one way or another.
    • Over 80% of the addicts become Alcohol or Drug addicts as well.

    They want to reach out for help, but many few of them dare to do so. Thankfully, I was one of them. I have been a gambling addict for more than 2 years, and during this time, I have neglected my family and friends in many ways. 

    In this article, I will share with how gambling addiction affected my family and my friendship.

    Emotional Impacts and Isolation

    This is what I call the first phase of addiction. When I started losing money, it took a toll on my mind. As an addict, I always denied these feelings because, for me, Gambling was a cure for all the unpleasant feelings. I left my loved ones behind and started to ignore them. Isolation is eminent under such circumstances. I just wanted to be alone and think about my next bluff. As a result, I developed feelings of anxiety and depression over time. Being irritated to everyone and even violence sometimes. After my recovery, from what I have observed, there are 3 main things an addict faced.

    • The partner of an addict doesn’t want to get close to him/her as he/she always feels scared around him.
    • Gambler remains in denial, and for this reason alone he isolates himself from others and cut out his love and support.
    • Friends of an addict leave in the end and mostly due to the unpaid debts.

    Mental Stress

    When I started gambling everything was excellent in the beginning. Sometimes I got out with lots of cash and other times I lost some. I always took it as a sport for recreation, but I didn’t even realise how and when I got to the deep end. As I began to lose more games, the stress increases each time. This stress not only confides with me but also with my loved ones. When they see me stressed and depressed, it affected them, and they got scared for me. They always want to have a close watch on me like I am going to suicide. Sometimes, my mind took me there, as well. Fortunately, it wasn’t a long duration, but for 2 years, I stopped living and felt like I am falling in a never-ending pit of depression.

    Financial Impact Of Gambling On Family

    Gambling is a predictable game and trust me when I say; You Can’t Be The Winner Forever. How can I say? Well, I am saying this with experience and after lots of losing. In the end, it will affect you and your family financially and to a very critical extent. 

    After I got settled in Finland, I worked hard and saved myself some money to start a new life with my fiancé. But the Gambling ate all my desires and funds. So, I am saying this with full confidence if you remain on the track to gambling it will cost you a fortune. I have seen families destroyed, and fathers separated from their loved ones over this addiction. In the end, some addicts become so financially helpless that taking their own life is the only solution they can think of. Gambling never dies, but you can’t say the same for an addict.

    It Devours Your Friendship

    Have you seen a real-life monster? Gambling is just the image of a fierce one. Before I was an addict, I used to live in the happiest circle of friendship. We care for each other, and in harsh times we supported each other. But Gambling took all of them one by one while I was standing there listening to the crocked voice despair. Please stop and save my soul. My inner voice was shrieking out of misery, but in the end, I was alone on this path. 

    Final Thoughts

    I will not say that I am not a lucky person. I had someone who took care of me even when all hope was gone. My fiancé supported me and gave me hope for a better life. While I think of those past days, I shook with fear to know how far I was in this pit. But sadly, not everyone has such caring souls. So, it’s better to face this on time and seek help. On my website gambling-addictions.com I share my story and stories of many other addicts. This helps them to find help and hope. Share your story with us to be heard and helped.

  • Interview with Justyn Larcombe

    Interview with Justyn Larcombe


    Friends and family are often key to encourage loved ones with gambling problems to seek help. I was lucky to have my fiancé, who was pushing me to seek professional help. She didn’t give up on me (yet), and she wanted to know everything about the addiction, that was destroying our relationship.

    After trying to learn all she could about the gambling, she discovered that there is not much support nor articles she could find for addict’s partners and their psychological and emotional health. In this difficult period, she contacted many psychologists, because she didn’t know a thing about problem gambling. She wanted to hear from many doctors what their views on this disease was, so that she could form hers. They all gave her different advices. Some said that she should leave straight away, while others told her that she shouldn’t rush with her decision. Advice she appreciated the most was that it wasn’t her fault, as partners often feel guilty and think that they did something wrong.

    One day, after coming home from work, she told me to check a TED talk she found helpful. It was “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe. It’s a story about ex-military Major that gambled his money and savings.

     A good TED talk does more than just inspires you – it changes the way you see the world, or challenges you are facing. That was exactly what I experienced. It made a huge impact on me, because for the first time, I felt relieved. I wasn’t the only one with this problem, I’m not alone.

    For my biggest surprise, my fiancé bought me a book Justyn wrote “Tails I Lose”. She knew I couldn’t afford it and how much just a short TED talk meant to me. It was the most precious gift I have ever received, because I realized she gave me the second chance and really wants to see me getting better.

    What an inspiration the book was. I realized there is always a way out, no matter how bad the problems might seem. However, after reading the book, I still had a few questions and decided to reach out to Justyn. To my surprise, he replied straight away with equally inspiring advices:

    How did you manage to win back your partner’s trust? Looking from this perspective, what would you advice compulsive gamblers who are still hiding from their partners their addiction? When and how to face their partners with the truth? 

    Justyn: One thing I always say is that it is so much better to tell your partner than for them to find out, but choose a time when you have taken some steps on the road to recovery so you can talk about the issue with some good news.Even if it’s just to say ‘this is what happened, but now I have self excluded’ or ‘now I have stopped and am going to a meeting’.Trust is so preciousand if you tell them there is a chance to keep it, if they find out, it may never come back. There are no easy solutions to life. Someone once said to me that for as long as you lied to your partner, expect them not to believe you for the same time after you stop lying. It will hurt when they question you when you are telling the truth, you will be surprised because you never even thought to lie. So give them time – even if it takes a few years.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to  make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if its just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    Winning back trust takes time, be patient, look for opportunities to win it back and if the love is still there, the trust will follow in time. You have to work a bit harder to make sure you follow through with everything you say, even if it’s just turning up at the time you said you would and don’t be surprised if they question you more frequently. Maybe share your finances a bit more and don’t have separate accounts or lines of credit.

    In the UK, 1 in 10 suicides is related to problem gambling and a problem gambler is 15 times more at risk from suicide than non gamblers. It is the shame that drives this statistic. I think it helped me to be honest and to realize I wasn’t the only one. So meeting and talking to others in a similar position – or connecting via a blog will really help!

    Justyn is the CEO of “Recovery Two” charity that is helping others to cope with gambling addiction.

    Justyn: “Recovery Two” offers recovery courses to all addicts and one of the key things we noted, as you so rightly point out, is the lack of support for those impacted by the addiction of a loved one. The focus always seems to be on the addict, there should be more support for family. Gambling addiction has a particular impact on family members because of the debt it causes. So we run a family support group which has been a great help to many.

    In case you need support or would like to learn more about gambling addiction, here is the link of  Justyn’s “Charity Two” where you can find needed information.

    If you would like to watch a TED talk I mentioned, here is the link:
    “The fall and rise of a gambling addict” by Justyn Rees Larcombe.

    If you would like to read Justyn’s book, you can purchase it here:
    “Tails I Lose”

  • Credit Card Ban Could Be The Solution

    Credit Card Ban Could Be The Solution

    Online payments and loans are such an abstract representation of money. You can’t feel money in your hands, but instead, you just see some numbers that most certainly you cannot understand the value of as good as you would with cash.

    Betting online and paying with loaned money didn’t feel real for me. It felt as if it was just an online game without a life changing consequences. It’s funny how even when I would spend a few thousands on a single bet, I would still make sure I was buying the most reasonable priced products in the grocery stores and I wouldn’t be lazy to go an extra mile because of the discounts. It was because I could see, touch, smell and feel what I was spending money on. All my senses were involved in the “physical” purchase.

    Even though credit cards look like any other plastic card in our wallets, it really can change our lives dramatically. You can fall in its trap so easily and it can become one of the biggest supporters of our addictions.

    I started using a credit card when I misunderstood how one furniture store financing worked. The store offered a loan with a promotional introductory rate of 0% APR for the first 12 months. I understood I will get a bill every month, but instead I received a credit card with minus €800 a few days later. Getting the credit card upset me, because at the time I was cautious with my money and I knew those cards have high interest rates. After I paid off the furniture I bought, I left the credit card on a shelf and forgot about it, cause I knew how dangerous it could be.

    When I started to gamble, I was using a debit card. If I would run out of money, my only option was to wait for my next pay day. However, a few months into the addiction, I started to have intense cravings for gambling. Waiting for my next pay day became unnecessarily long and I just couldn’t wait. That is when I rediscovered my long forgotten Credit Card. It was still sitting on the shelf, waiting for some action…

    Gambling addiction is more rampant problem than you might think. It isn’t extraordinary to see millions of people around the globe to start gambling as a one-time experience but soon fall prey to its never-ending loop of winning and losing by chance. While there are many who seek professional help, there are others who go through financial distress, destructive habits and psychological health issues. 

    Major countries like the United States and United Kingdom are taking measures to curb the problem of gambling addiction. One of them is banning the use of credit cards to gamble. A huge chunk of gamblers use their credit cards to bet. But, in reality, that’s the last thing gamblers should think about doing. It may sound quite a convenient option to place bets, but it doesn’t take long for gamblers to be exposed to financial harm.

    Credit card gambling makes people gamble with money that they don’t have. It goes beyond what their pocket allows. Most of these gamblers have whopping amounts of debt on their head because credit cards were easily available and placing bets through them took very little effort. There are also many payday loan websites that offer cheap loans to gamblers. However, they land up losing money more than gaining anything, thereby just accumulating unpayable debts. 

    As such, the ban on placing bets through credit cards is likely to curb problem gambling and protect people from any sort of harm. All offline and online gambling products, except lottery tickets, will be covered under the new measure. Mortgage lenders are also warned by the Gambling Commission in the UK that problem gamblers could remortgage their homes while hiding their addiction pattern. Many charities, financial services and campaigners seem to welcome the ban because this is a measure that will surely minimize the financial risks associated with problem gambling, but also judiciously maintain the integrity of the industry.

    Speaking of credit cards, credit card companies don’t care about our financial wellbeing, just like casinos. I learned that a hard way. I started taking out little sums for my online gambling, and before I knew my card was maxed out. Looking back, using the credit card for online betting, as well as hiding the addiction from my family, were two biggest mistakes I made. I maxed out my credit cards probably 6 times, which I paid by taking loans. It’s a vicious circle that you can hardly get out of.

    Gaming operators have to act in a socially responsible way. Banning the usage of credit cards IS a solution every gambling operator has to apply and the law every country must adopt.

  • Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    Why Recovering Gambling Addicts Fail

    You should be proud of yourself! I know that I am, because statistically only roughly 5 percent of people with gambling addiction are seeking treatment. Relapse is going to be a big part of our healing process. 

    I had one relapse, after being “clean” for a few weeks. I received an email from the betting website that offered me €20 bet. Why not, it’s a free money? Next thing I know, I lost €400, just when I was thinking I’m doing a good job with my recovery. It was very hard to accept that relapses are normal and that they don’t mean you are not on a right path of your compulsive gambling recovery.                                     

    Millions of people around the globe struggle with problem gambling. It starts with the one-time desire to try, but it doesn’t take long for a person to fall into its shackles. Once that happens, it starts off a life of destructive habits, financial distress, and mental health issues. Despite knowing the negative effects of gambling, people have an uncontrollable urge to engage in the activity—just like smoking, drinking, or drug addiction.

    Once gambling addiction starts, the person who is unable to resist from betting continues to chase the “high” they get from a big win. That’s despite the string of continuous losses, cheating, lying, or even stealing money to keep gambling. In extreme cases, the addicted person tends to undergo a significant personality shift. While the person may hide his or her gambling addiction and engage in working and leading their everyday life, consequences tend to build up in the background.

    Most recovering gambling addicts tend to fall prey to the lures of gambling companies—be it financial rewards, free bets, football tickets and other perks. These are enough to draw a recovering person back to the addiction, no matter how much that costs them in terms of membership fees and losses. It happened with me to, I was constantly getting free bets from gambling companies.

    A relapse of gambling addiction is not a verdict of failure. One should know that relapses don’t occur because a treatment hasn’t failed, or because the person lacks willpower to quit the habit. Relapse, albeit being unpleasant, is an essential learning point for recovering gambling addicts. If addressed properly, it becomes a powerful experience for the recovery process. 

    Undesirable relapses of gambling addiction are common in the recovery process. Also, they can be overwhelming for both, the recovering addict, as well as their near and dear ones. However, one should not confuse a relapse with a slip. A slip is a single unplanned gambling incident; the person briefly engages in the activity, but instantly regrets the move and stops it immediately. On the other hand, a relapse is a return to gambling after not doing it for a long period. If you slip back into addiction, it’s a sign that it’s time to re-evaluate your goal to stop gambling and change your recovery strategy. 

    Dealing with my addiction and all that I have caused has been hard, especially after seeing how much I hurt my fiancé. I hurt her tremendously. Finding her in tears when she thought no one was watching her, made me feel devastated, suicidal at times. We went through a difficult period when she found out and we’re still struggling. Thoughts about how our life would be if I wasn’t a gambler are hunting me constantly. 

    Gambling addiction is a serious disease that will try to sneak up on us when we least expect. Just because you had a relapse doesn’t mean you have to or will keep on betting. Gambling relapse triggers will never entirely disappear. I’m trying to protect my recovery by recognizing the triggers and not falling for them. I decided to go for a run or a walk whenever I have an urge to bet. So far, I had one relapse and 50 km of running and walking.

    Because of COVID 19, there are no games I could bet on. Casinos are closed, so currently I don’t have an urge to bet, because there is nothing I could bet on. Let’s see if things will change when restrictions get lifted. However, if I do end up having relapses in the future, or if you do, then we will have to change our recovery strategy and talk honestly with our therapists/support group, cause only with the help of professionals we can beat this disease.

    Good luck mate, and let me know if I can help you anyhow!

  • Part One: My Partner is a Gambler

    Part One: My Partner is a Gambler

    Written by my fiancé

    My fiancé agreed to write about how finding out about my addiction was for her. I think this is the only proper and honest way my readers can have the full picture on how a life of a family gets ruined by a gambling addiction. This is her side of our story, the first part:

    I remember texting my sister on the 17th of December 2019, telling her how happy I am for being with Uri, how life is amazing and how I cannot wait to go home to tell him that (which I did btw). I really enjoyed life we built together, how he made me feel every day and I honestly had no doubts if he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

    He started being broke in November, and I couldn’t understand why. The excuses he gave me were acceptable: unexpected bills for the car and wrongly calculated taxes. I believed him. However, I did find him being broke again in December, the second month in a row, strange and suspicious, but it was the very first time it was happening during these 4 years we’ve been together. Shit happens, I thought, and we’re here for each other “for better for worse, for richer for poorer”. I’ve been telling myself that this is something we need to learn to deal with together, and if I wanted rainbows, I had to put up with the rain, right? 

    We wanted and tried to extend our family for the last three years… unsuccessfully. The diagnosis: unexplained infertility. After trying many other methods, we decided to try to have our baby with a help of IVF. It was scheduled on the 6th of February 2020. We had been on a waiting list for 6 months and I couldn’t wait to start with more promising process. 

    In January, as our IVF treatment was slowly approaching, I started to realize that Uri is so relaxed about not having money. It seemed like it would be the third month he was struggling to pay his share of the rent and I couldn’t understand nor accept it. I became very worried, cause we needed money more than ever for upcoming treatments and preparations for the baby. Uri didn’t seem to care. He started spending time watching Netflix, instead of looking for additional jobs. As an excuse for his behavior, he told me that he already has a full-time job and that he deserves to enjoy life too. 

    But how can he think that he should enjoy, if he is not finding a way to return money he borrowed for the last two rents and won’t be able to pay the next one either? How come he doesn’t have money? Why suddenly his salary is not enough for his expenses? When I would start the conversations about his financial situation and IVF, he would become so defensive and angry. It was impossible to talk to him. From loving, caring and kind man, he turned into someone I couldn’t recognize. For the first time ever, I started doubting if I should go to IVF treatment at all. 

    Finally, on the 3rd of February 2020, three days before I was supposed to start with IVF process, he texted me, while I was working, saying he will be struggling again with the bills. After me pushing and asking so many questions, he said he has a problem with the credit card – it went to minus €3800. I asked him out of the blue if he was betting. I have no idea why I asked him that, when there were no signs of him betting before. He said “sometimes”. I was shocked, my heart started beating so fast and my head started spinning. My fiancé, who I shared a life with for four years, who I had scheduled the IVF treatment with, is hiding something so big from me. What else is he hiding? What else I don’t know about him? Do I know him at all? 

    I barely could work that day. All I wanted was to cry. I remember I started crying the moment I left the office. Uri, I thought I knew, was gone. I am living with a liar and a gambler… Wtf.. How come I didn’t notice anything before? Did I do something wrong? Is this my fault? 

    That evening we spent talking. He explained the details and how his credit card was maxed out. My world collapsed. Nothing I believed in was true. 

    Is anything he is saying true? How serious is the gambling problem he has? It must be that he doesn’t love me. He wouldn’t do this if he loved me. Why is he with me then? Did he use my money for betting? Was he stealing from me? Omg.. what should I do? How can I go to IVF if I can’t trust him? Maybe €3800 he can return in a few months, but how will I trust him…

    At first I was extremely sad and in absolute disbelief. I was so sad that he was going through all of this all alone. How lonely he must have felt all these years. I failed as a partner, cause he didn’t trust me enough to share all sides of him. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t trust me enough to share his problems with me, when I was so supportive ad cared for him the best I could. 

    I remember kissing and hugging him so much that evening, as if I could kiss away all the problems and protect him somehow. He was saying that he was so surprised by my reactions, as so was I. He was expecting yelling and judgement, but to our surprise, that didn’t come at all.

    After he went to sleep I realized that I needed more answers which I couldn’t wait for. I woke him up and after asking more questions, her finally opened up and told me everything. 

    OMG.. he borrowed €40 000… Hearing the truth felt as if you opened up someone and saw a huge malignant cancer that you never thought would be there. It was so clear to me that this has to be the end of our relationship and that IVF has to be cancelled. I was overwhelmed with sadness because he struggled so much last 2 years with his sickness. If I only knew, maybe I would be able to help him. All I could think about were all the moments we won’t have: pregnancy, birth of our kids, playing with our puppy, summer vacations, all the laughter, hugs…I was absolutely sure he didn’t love me.

    I cancelled the IVF treatment and told him he has to move out in two weeks.

  • Telling to My Fiancé

    Telling to My Fiancé

    My life was amazing. I was working as a chef where the income wasn’t that good, but l managed to make savings and afford almost everything I wanted. I am ambitious and have always wanted to achieve a lot in my personal and professional life. If I had opportunity to study or take extra courses, I took it.

    I had a beautiful fiancé, very independent, highly educated, with a successful career. We were tougher for almost 4 years. Every possible moment we tried to spend together. I couldn’t be more thankful for such a supportive and loving partner, that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

    We had so many dreams and great plans together. One of them was our own little family. After two years of trying to have a baby, we decided to go for an IVF treatment. Around that time I became a compulsive gambler. All my mood swings she understood as coping with negative pregnancy results that we were facing every month. She never pushed me and tried to understand why I was so down, because she assumed I needed space, as she needed it too. Coping with infertility and negative pregnancy results was extremely hard, especially for her. For me, it was just a continuation of my sorrows that no one knew anything about.

    She didn’t know I owed to the banks more than 40 thousand euros and this pressure was killing me. Although she is such a loving and supportive person, I couldn’t tell her the truth. I was so ashamed and I didn’t want to break the image of a strong, supportive partner that she had of me. I was sure she would leave me, if she knew how weak I was. None of us wants to be seen as weak and we are all used to pretend and keeping our heads high in every difficult situation, even when all we really want is to shout or cry… How well suited are Queen’s lyrics here: “Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, pretending that I’m doing well…”

    I knew the lie was going to destroy her, that all she thought she knew so well will be gone. Trust she had in me will be gone.

    I was looking forward to having a family with my beautiful partner, secretly hoping that when we have a baby, I will stop gambling. I was afraid that we may find ourselves stretched financially, paying for the high cost of IVF treatment with a somewhat limited probability of success, so I started gambling even more, to earn back all I had lost.

    Our IVF was getting closer and she was so exited. Hearing from the doctor that we have to be in a good place emotionally and have our relationship on solid ground before starting an IVF cycle, hit me badly. I wanted to kill myself. I was constantly telling to myself that I can’t I ruin my fiancé’s and unborn baby’s life like this, but at the same time, I was so afraid of her reaction and was sure that it will be end of our relationship. I didn’t want to loose her and all we had. The shame was unbearable. How should I tell her that I have a debt in 7 different banks, that I won’t be able to pay for any scheduled treatment nor anything for the baby next who-knows-how-many years? How should I even start the story? How do you open up and admit the addiction? When would be the best time to tell her?

    Finally, two days before the treatment, I managed tell her. It was on Monday, while she was still at work. The previous day we had a fight, because she was asking me how come the second month in a row I cannot pay my share of the rent, when I have a full-time job. I texted her apologizing for the fight. She still couldn’t understand why I don’t have money out of the sudden and asked me out of the blue if I was gambling. I used the opportunity and told her the truth partially. I admitted that my credit card was maxed out. She just texted me back that we will talk more when she gets back home. I wasn’t man enough to tell her about 50 thousand euros what I owed to different banks. 

    I still remember the look on her face when she arrived home. She was crying, telling me that she was holding back the tears the whole day at work. She was completely broken, and to my surprise, she wasn’t screaming. Instead, she was very supportive and warm. She was hugging me constantly, asking why I didn’t tell her earlier, cause she could maybe help me and we would go trough any shit together. We both were crying a lot that and following few days.

    The very same night she couldn’t sleep, and had woken me up, asking if my credit card was the only debt I had. I couldn’t lie to her anymore, and I told her everything. We spent the entire night talking about how my gambling addiction started and how I ended up taking loans. She remained extremely calm, even though her world collapsed. All her dreams were gone. Baby what we were wishing for such a long time was gone. A man who she thought she knew so well was gone.

    Telling her everything was the best decision I had ever made. No more lies, no more hiding. All the “cards” were opened. Even now when I’m writing this, I feel so sorry for lying to her all these years. I was too afraid and ashamed to reveal the truth, to see her disappointment. I’m such a coward!

    It was much easier to breathe, now that she knew. The pressure I felt and self-blaming were not as hard as before. Finally, the lie was off from my shoulders. Both of us were heart broken. I felt naked and as if I was starting my life anew.

    I can’t imagine the pain she was going through. She didn’t know any gambler and this addiction was something she knew nothing about. Therefore, she started doing the research to learn as much as possible, before making any decision about our future. She was sharing her findings, trying to educate myself too, She found all support groups and made me see a therapist.

    However, after a few days, she cancelled the IVF treatment and had asked to move out, so that she has more space to think. I was very thankful for her, for the love she gave me and all the support. At the same time, I am honestly very glad I didn’t ruin her life completely by having a baby with a gambler.

    Advice for fellow gamblers

    Speak up and admit you have the problem right now! Don’t wait until it’s too late! Go!

    Your family needs to know, cause they don’t deserve to live in a lie. They are planning their lives based on a lie and they didn’t deserve it. Let them know, so that they can plan their lives based on a truth.

    We can never know how someone will react and that is the scariest part. Maybe you will be surprised, as I was. Maybe your partner won’t be screaming, as mine didn’t, or maybe they will and that is ok too. It’s is because they are hurt greatly and you can stand it. Be there for your family and answer to all their questions. Help them understand what your addiction is.

    No more lies! Communicate with your dear partner and tell them all about what you’re going through. That is the only way that will take us far.

    We can do this! 

    Useful link

  • Becoming a Gambler

    Becoming a Gambler

    Did you know that Tesla and Dostoyevsky were also gambling addicts? Tesla lost his tuition money, had a nervous breakdown and dropped out of school. Dostoyevsky’s “Gambler” is semi-autobiographical.*
    Learning that such great minds had the same problem as me was somewhat comforting, it made me stop questioning my intelligence and made me realize it is a disease that I need to fight.

    Occasional bets on English Premiere league started 2017, when I would visit Casino with my friends. In the beginning, I would never spend more than €20 per month. I didn’t see this as a problem, because it was really just for fun. Everything changed when I discovered online Casinos 2018. 

    As I mentioned in the previous post, I am a huge football fan and I am following results religiously. All the websites, that I visit to check the latest scores, have flashy banners advertising betting with free money that you can use for the first bet. Those websites are flooded with odds for the upcoming matches everywhere. I noticed those banners, but have never really paid attention, nor I considered betting, as I saw them as scams. However, one day at work, I’ve heard a few colleagues talking about online betting and how they won. Knowing that the colleagues I respected are betting online, probably gave me subconsciously a green light to try my luck too. I had nothing to lose, I was thinking, because I started with a free bet from the flashy banner. I don’t even remember if I won. I just remember how convenient it was. I didn’t have to dress up, go to Casino nor talk to others – I could play from my own sofa. 

    Without me noticing, after 3 months, my bets got bigger. I was putting about €200 for a single bet. I started becoming addicted to the adrenalin rush I was having whenever I would place a bet. What I was doing was wrong, I knew, but I couldn’t stop anymore.

    Without the doubt, the worst supporter of the growing addiction was my credit card with a possibility of €4600 overdraft. I often wonder if I would mess up my life this much if I didn’t have a credit card. Would I find another way to become a problem gambler? Did the credit card speed up inevitable or none of this would happen if I didn’t have it?

    Using credit card was too easy. It didn’t feel like it was real money. Before I knew it, my credit card was maxed out. As interest was so big, I thought it’s better to take a loan from another bank, because of the smaller interest. The panic I felt, because of the minus, was gone. I felt great and I decided to quit gambling. However, after a week, I was back to my old habits.

    As my addiction was growing, so did the bets. I remember, once I was in the toilet watching a football match (around six months into online betting). Since I was soo sure about the result, I bet €1300. I lost. The panic started kicking in and I had to get my money back. I made another bet for €1000 euros right away. My heart was pounding and I was sweating like crazy while waiting for the results. I lost again. Coming out of the toilet was heartbreaking. I lost €2300 in 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe what happened. I lost my monthly salary and my credit card was getting empty again. 

    No one knew about my gambling addiction. No one knew I was taking loans. My fiancé and I never joined bank accounts, so there was no way for her to find out. Deep inside I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I was so sure big winnings were around the corner, that I could beat the system and that the next time luck will be on my side.

    In the next post, you can read how my addiction grew together with my dept.  

    *Resoruces: “Nikola Tesla, My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla”
    https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/from-the-gambler-within-dostoyevskys-the-gambler/D7ACB14B9EAD00EB8EF65512C28EADAA/core-reader

  • Neck Deep in Debt

    Neck Deep in Debt

    According to National Council on Problem Gambling the average gambler may have personal debts up to $90,000. I owe to banks €50 000, but their high interest rates and charges are likely to make the situation worse.

    Taking loans online is extremely easy, at least in Finland. If you provided the bank with a pay slip, it takes ca.10 minutes to get one. I was still working as a head chef full time, so at least I had my pay slips. In two years of active gambling, I took seven bank loans. The interest rates were high, but that was the only quick solution I could think of to pay my credit card and bills. Instead of stopping once the bills were paid, I would spend remaining money on gambling. It was a vicious circle and I got hooked. I could’t and didn’t know how to stop.

    The tension I felt every day was horrible. I was constantly thinking and calculating which loan to repay first. Since I was panicking so much and wanted to get my money back, I started making bets in every possible sport I could think of, even some tennis and rugby games I never watched before. I was making bets for all the leagues from Australia, Japan, Brazil… You name it, I was betting all of them. I even placed a bet for Eurovision song contest. 

    Worst of all, I completely lost the value for money. A bit over a year into betting, it took me one week to spend the loan of €4000, but later I was spending €3000 a day. I was constantly jumping from one betting site to another, checking who will give me better odds. On the rare occasions, when I didn’t have anything to bet on, I felt empty and bored.

    The greater the embarrassment and guilt because of betting were, the stronger defense mechanisms I developed. What an amazing liar I became. In a split second I could come up with a lie. My fiancé started noticing my mood changes and depression. She asked me countless times why I am getting angry so easily and why I am checking my phone constantly. I gave her lousy excuses that she didn’t believe in. She actually taught it was my way of escaping the disappointment we both felt because we couldn’t get pregnant for a few years. 

    The last summer, my fiancé went to visit her family without me, for two weeks. I thought I would feel free, because she wasn’t at home and I would have more time to gamble. Instead, I felt trapped and became so depressed, that I couldn’t get out of bed. I had no idea how to return the debt. Those two weeks were the loneliest in my life.

    At some point I remember calling her admitting I couldn’t get out of bed, without disclosing the real reason. I never had a courage to tell her the truth, because of the great fear of being judged and dumped. I was sure I’m strong enough to get through this by myself. 

    She was so worried that she convinced me to see a psychologist. I agreed, because the doctor was provided for free through the health insurance from my work. The doctor was an older man that asked me if I was still betting. I told him I stopped. The same evening I lost €700. I never visited him again, but the positive outcome of that meeting was the explanation I got about Finnish financial support systems that I will talk more about in one of the next posts.

    Not just that I became a liar, but I started hiding everything around our house that could make my fiancé suspicious. For example, I was rushing home every day, so that she wouldn’t see our mail and all the bills I was getting from seven different banks. 

    Finally, I spent all the loans, while bills were piling up. I couldn’t pay my share of the rent and I had no idea what to do. I tried to take more loans countless times, but all the banks rejected me, since I didn’t repay previous loans. I started asking at work if I could get my salary in advance, thinking that I can double it with the next bet. If I had some real estate, I would have sold it.

    The first time I couldn’t pay the rent, my fiancé realized something went terribly wrong. She started asking me questions and wanted to see my bank statement. I managed to come up with lies that calmed her down. I even showed her fake bank account statement. She believed me and it made me feel so much worse, because she didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t want to lose her by telling her the truth, and I was worried our days together are numbered. That month, she payed our common bills.

    Even at times when I didn’t have money to pay the bills, I couldn’t stop thinking about gambling. When I would get a salary, I would spend it online, hoping that the next win is around the corner. I was still sure I can beat the system and win all my money back.

    The next month was the same – I couldn’t pay my share of the rent. However, this time my fiancé  was absolutely sure I was hiding something, so she started pressuring me to reveal the truth. Finally, she pushed me so much and I told her everything.

    Solutions Available for Gambling Debts


    In the next post you can read about how my fiancé reacted and how nothing was as I anticipated.

    3  ways to getout of gambling debt.


    Disclaimer:
    I’m writing this from my own experience. I’m not a doctor or financial advisor. All the advices I will write are the ones I wish I got before it was too late. 


    Don’t use credit cards!

    I truly hope that many countries will follow UK’s example. As of 14th of April 2020, they put a ban on credit card usage for online gambling.

    Tell someone about your problem!

    What we have is a serious illness that is impacting not only our lives in ever possible way, but also lives of our loved ones. The sooner you tell them, the sooner everyone will be able to move forward and make the best decisions for themselves.

    Seek financial assistance!

    I contacted free debt counseling service providers to discuss my situation. With their help, I learned about the best solutions to move forward.

    Don’t be hard on yourself! It’s not about what we lost, it’s all about the next right move. We can do this and we can all beat this addiction that is ruining our lives!

    Advice for families and friends

    If you are suspicious and think your loved one has financial problems, he or she most likely has. If you notice change in the behavior, don’t assume what the reasons are, but ask questions instead. Ask until you know the truth. 

    If you find out that your loved one is a compulsive gambler, it will probably completely change the perception of your past, present and future. All the plans you had might vanish. You will loose trust. However, please always remember one thing:

    He or she is a gambler, but s/he is still the same person you love dearly, with all the same fears, hopes and qualities. You got to know another side that you didn’t know existed and that side will need your help. S/he is equally lost and scared as you are.

    Gambling addiction is a curable disease that only with a help of professionals can be overcome. It is not your responsibility to cure them, but the most important thing you can do is to guide your dear person and help her or him to see the advantages of the therapy and psychologists.

    Take just one step at a time and don’t forget to take very good care of yourself.